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why does he follow so many random women on instagram?


sansa91

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I've been seeing this guy for over a year now. We started off as friends. We were friends fr a few years before then until he said he liked me and then things progressed.

 

We still act like best friends, as in he flirts with me..and is forever taking the mickey out of me in a friendly way. But we don't speak to each other like couples do in thr sense of all the soppy speak. I.e baby I miss you and love you etc etc it's not like that.

We.see each other once a week or once every other week. and in between we do remain in contact. When we see each other everythings good we get on really well and don't argue.

 

Only yesterday he was joking around about us having kids he ws like make sure you name our kid ...... an then he said it'll be good he will be my security guard for you etc etc. and he's also mentioned marriage randmly aswell.

 

But one habit of his which really.annoys me is his need.to follow a random woman every other day on. instagram. I can see his followers increase every day and it's usually a woman he doesn't even know. Not even celebrities since that's normal I guess. And not being bigheaded but half these.women are either thr same as me looks wise or worse I honestly.don't see anything special in any of them. Fair enough we all find other people attractive but I wouldn't go an follow hundreds of other guys. in fact if it was the other way around would he really like that. I don't know if im over thinking it or if it really is a cause for concern but I just.don't see the need for it. he will log on to his instagram and his whole home feed will be full of women taking selfies. is it really necessary?

I even showed a friend pictures of these women and about one of them she said "eww shes ugly" but I didn't tell her about him following her. That's what I mean none of them are anythin special yet he's sittin there perving away.

 

I don't know about anyone else but I would want someone to be so into me that they focus only on me and not have images of hundreds of other women in their minds.

 

Having said that evrythng else is fine in the.sense that we get on and he will reply.to me straight away if I message and hl arrange when to meet me.next. But yeh it's just the instagram thing which gets me.thinking I suppose and also the fact that he's so overprotective of his phone. even if I innocently say can I look at your pics or your apps or play a game he just flinches and grabs his phone

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Have you asked him why he has a habit of collecting stranger women on his Instagram?

Have you asked HIM all those questions you pose in your thread?

Has he given you any reason to mistrust him like some blatant shady behaviour or suspect goings on?

no I havnt asked him because I don't want to look like I've been snooping on his instagram. I could accept a few women here n there but he's following a new one Each day.

 

well he never let's me look at his phone, one time pretty much I thought he was on the phone to someone as it said "call waiting" it ws very late at night and he denied he was even on the phone and said im insecure

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All straight guys like to look at women.

 

Are these women a threat to you? No. Why not let go of the need for him to only want to look at you? I think that's a pipe dream and your expectation for that will make you very unhappy.

 

but why follow their every move. one or two or even ten I could think is normal but over a hundred that's pushing it a.bit isn't it.in my opinion thyre all very average looking so no not a threat to me but he's obviously.following them since he.must deem them attractive in some.someway. I jst.find it odd.

 

 

I see better looking guys than him every day and probably on instagram there are but I don't feel the need to click the.follow button and like all their photos. its just pretty sad.

 

when I make.make.subtle digs and him and call hm a man s**** and say it's nt cool to chase women he's jst like he doesn't go after any woman and how he's a loyal type LOOOL

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no I havnt asked him because I don't want to look like I've been snooping on his instagram. I could accept a few women here n there but he's following a new one Each day.

 

well he never let's me look at his phone, one time pretty much I thought he was on the phone to someone as it said "call waiting" it ws very late at night and he denied he was even on the phone and said im insecure

 

Well, I don't say this with malice but you are insecure. You're so insecure you don't even have the stuff to ask your boyfriend why he collects women on his Instagram or tell him that all those collected women hurts you so could he explain so that perhaps you'll be able to understand it and relax.

 

If he never lets you look at his phone, how did you know it said "call waiting?" However that's not really here nor there, he doesn't have to show you his phone because it's his phone but if not showing you his phone makes you even more paranoid and untrusting of him then maybe you're with the wrong guy.

 

Why after a year of exclusive dating do you only see one another once a week or once every two weeks? That's not very much time unless you're long distance from one another. You have had an exclusive talk with him, right?

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Well, I don't say this with malice but you are insecure. You're so insecure you don't even have the stuff to ask your boyfriend why he collects women on his Instagram or tell him that all those collected women hurts you so could he explain so that perhaps you'll be able to understand it and relax.

 

If he never lets you look at his phone, how did you know it said "call waiting?" However that's not really here nor there, he doesn't have to show you his phone because it's his phone but if not showing you his phone makes you even more paranoid and untrusting of him then maybe you're with the wrong guy.

 

Why after a year of exclusive dating do you only see one another once a week or once every two weeks? That's not very much time unless you're long distance from one another. You have had an exclusive talk with him, right?

 

Im not insecure in myself. I know that I'm better looking than these women I jst don't understand what his problem is and why he feels the need to always be checking them out.

 

well he talks about marriage and kids. the other day he was indirectly saying what he wants to name "our" kids

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when I make.make.subtle digs and him and call hm a man s**** and say it's nt cool to chase women he's jst like he doesn't go after any woman and how he's a loyal type LOOOL

 

You sound very disrespectful about your boyfriend. You call him a man s***? Did he ever acted disloyal towards you, flirted with other women, you find out that he's chatting with someone or anything like that? If not, why on earth would you be calling someone you're in a relationship a s***? Would you like to be called a s*** by your boyfriend just because, say, 300 out of your 400 friends on FB are men, and you didn't gave him any actual reason to feel hurt? You really called someone a s*** to their face just for clicking "like" over dressed, non-sexual photos of a couple of women, or was it something else?

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You sound very disrespectful about your boyfriend. You call him a man s***? Did he ever acted disloyal towards you, flirted with other women, you find out that he's chatting with someone or anything like that? If not, why on earth would you be calling someone you're in a relationship a s***? Would you like to be called a s*** by your boyfriend just because, say, 300 out of your 400 friends on FB are men, and you didn't gave him any actual reason to feel hurt? You really called someone a s*** to their face just for clicking "like" over dressed, non-sexual photos of a couple of women, or was it something else?

are you delusional.you don't know how he is. and yes I did call him that and I don't find it disrespectful. its not a couple of women he follows it's over a hundred so get that in your head.

 

once or twice it's called him in the middle of the night and it said "call waiting" which could only.mean he's on the phone to someone. he denied it though. and called me insecure.

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I wouldn't like it if my boyfriend followed random women like that on instagram. It's one thing for a guy to buy a Playboy magazine, where professional models pose. But quite another to follow real women, hundreds of them, and track their every move. Two words I'd use: disrespectful and creepy.

 

It makes sense to me why this would upset you.

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are you delusional.you don't know how he is. and yes I did call him that and I don't find it disrespectful. its not a couple of women he follows it's over a hundred so get that in your head.

 

once or twice it's called him in the middle of the night and it said "call waiting" which could only.mean he's on the phone to someone. he denied it though. and called me insecure.

 

So you're saying his behavior suggests that he is cheating on you with other women?

 

Is there anything else he does that suggests that? Since you say "you don't know how he is"?

 

Still, if you aren't convinced that he's cheating on you, calling him a s*** IS disrespectful. If you are pretty sure, there's no point in being in a relationship.

 

The relationship works only if there is trust. So normally if someone feels uneasy about something their partner does, they discuss it in depth and come to an understanding. Either your partner convinces you that he's faithful to you, or he's still giving you signals that he's not by regularly acting suspicious, and in the latter case it's not being in a relationship like this.

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I wouldn't like it if my boyfriend followed random women like that on instagram. It's one thing for a guy to buy a Playboy magazine, where professional models pose. But quite another to follow real women, hundreds of them, and track their every move. Two words I'd use: disrespectful and creepy.

 

It makes sense to me why this would upset you.

thanks for actually getting it. all other people tend to do is start on me not see that what he's doing makes him pretty sad.

and none of the women are celebrities which makes me wonder is he out looking.around.

and they all look like his type of women. like ugly.wth long horse faces. I'm not in tht category since he said he likes long faced women

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Are you two an actual couple? Have you discussed deciding to be in an exclusive relationship? It wasn't clear to me in your OP.

ill give you an example of how he sees it. so sometimes I just test him to see what he says. I said if I ever speak to your ex girlfriend ill tell her me and you are just friends. he then said she might want to come back and take your place, so why would he say take my place? I then said well any guy and girl can be just friends he then said he would awk the guy if they've been physical and that's how you define if thyre really friends or not. Therefore in our case he would see it as more than friends

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ill give you an example of how he sees it. so sometimes I just test him to see what he says. I said if I ever speak to your ex girlfriend ill tell her me and you are just friends. he then said she might want to come back and take your place, so why would he say take my place? I then said well any guy and girl can be just friends he then said he would awk the guy if they've been physical and that's how you define if thyre really friends or not. Therefore in our case he would see it as more than friends

 

So it sounds like you're dating more than in a relationship/a couple... Everybody who IS in a relationship would reply to it as a yes or no question, without having to think of the stuff that suggests that you are. If you aren't in a relationship and just have a date once a week, you don't have a mutual understanding that you are in this together, and haven't discussed that you are exclusive, then technically he has a right to be interested in other women without being a cheater, just like you have a right to have your eyes open for other options for yourself.

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A year is a long time to be just dating though, without becoming a real couple. It's a bit weird that you haven't got there yet.

 

everyone is.different. thr.dynamic is different.to how it might be.with others. he implies it. I am not the type of person to be like is this a relationship are we together. its more of.an unsaid thing. Either way he talks.about us being married.and kids. he's talkig about what he would name our kids

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Yes, I understand. But this combined with the fact that you still "act as best friends" and see each other once a week or two, and he may be calling other women, doesn't suggest commitment. The kids talk means that he's looking forward to a future with you, but some people talk about this stuff even during the dating, pre-relationship stage, when they are not committed to one person yet. If you're serious about this guy, maybe it would be worth to talk, whatever type of a person you are, about what you are to each other and if you can or can't see other people, considering that you feel like he may be seeing someone else. But I'm not sure if a guy who sees a girl only once every two weeks for a year, and things aren't progressing to being an official exclusive couple who meets more often than once a week, is serious about her. Because people usually want to kiss and do stuff more often than three times a month, so they make it happen with each other. And in other scenarios... But that's my judgement.

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Yes, I understand. But this combined with the fact that you still "act as best friends" and see each other once a week or two, and he may be calling other women, doesn't suggest commitment. The kids talk means that he's looking forward to a future with you, but some people talk about this stuff even during the dating, pre-relationship stage, when they are not committed to one person yet. If you're serious about this guy, maybe it would be worth to talk, whatever type of a person you are, about what you are to each other and if you can or can't see other people, considering that you feel like he may be seeing someone else. But I'm not sure if a guy who sees a girl only once every two weeks for a year, and things aren't progressing to being an official exclusive couple who meets more often than once a week, is serious about her. Because people usually want to kiss and do stuff more often than three times a month, so they make it happen with each other. And in other scenarios... But that's my judgement.

well we met two days ago and already he was planning what we are going to do next when I hadn't even thought of it. he said we should go to a certain spa together and a.winter fair together. it wasn't even me trying to persuade him to go anywhere. I'm sure he wouldn't mind but I personally think his ego stops him maybe. I dunno. maybe he leaves it up to me when I want to meet specifically.

 

well myb he isn't committee I dunno, but I would never speak to someone about having kids with them unless I was committed I would personally find it weird to do so otherwise

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well we met two days ago and already he was planning what we are going to do next when I hadn't even thought of it. he said we should go to a certain spa together and a.winter fair together. it wasn't even me trying to persuade him to go anywhere. I'm sure he wouldn't mind but I personally think his ego stops him maybe. I dunno. maybe he leaves it up to me when I want to meet specifically.

 

well myb he isn't committee I dunno, but I would never speak to someone about having kids with them unless I was committed I would personally find it weird to do so otherwise

 

You should be able to call him "a boyfriend" : ) And you never did in this thread. And answer the question "are you in a relationship" with "yes, we are" or "yes, we are a couple". Otherwise, if there's no mutual understanding like that between you two, there's also no implication that you are exclusive and not dating around

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everyone is.different. thr.dynamic is different.to how it might be.with others. he implies it. I am not the type of person to be like is this a relationship are we together. its more of.an unsaid thing. Either way he talks.about us being married.and kids. he's talkig about what he would name our kids

 

Well if you're not exclusive then he has every right to add women to his Instagram and even date some of them if he wants to. Perhaps he's talking to other chicks about being married as well and even telling them what he'd name his and their kids.

 

You see each other once every two weeks. Are you long distance? Are you both so busy that you can only manage that little time together

 

So: Asked several times now ~ Have you had the exclusive talk with him and ~ Why do you only see each other once every two weeks (sometimes only once a week?) Are you long distance from one another or is he (or you) just too busy to see more often?

 

... and you are very insecure in this relationship if you're even too timid to ask him about his penchant to collect women on his social media.

 

The bottom line seems to be that you two are just dating without exclusivity so he is adding women and talking to them because he can. You should talk to him and ask for exclusivity and if he won't give it to you and quit adding women then you are just another one of many he's chatting up and stringing along by all accounts.

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I "saw" a guy for nearly three years. We were not an exclusive couple, we were not boyfriend and girlfriend. We were just dating, and it was very clear to the both of us that we were not an exclusive couple. No one felt the need to "imply" anything and I knew for sure I was not his girlfriend.

 

When he introduces you to family and friends (which I presume he does), does he say "this is my girlfriend 'sansa'"?

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Well if you're not exclusive then he has every right to add women to his Instagram and even date some of them if he wants to. Perhaps he's talking to other chicks about being married as well and even telling them what he'd name his and their kids.

 

You see each other once every two weeks. Are you long distance? Are you both so busy that you can only manage that little time together

 

So: Asked several times now ~ Have you had the exclusive talk with him and ~ Why do you only see each other once every two weeks (sometimes only once a week?) Are you long distance from one another or is he (or you) just too busy to see more often?

 

... and you are very insecure in this relationship if you're even too timid to ask him about his penchant to collect women on his social media.

 

The bottom line seems to be that you two are just dating without exclusivity so he is adding women and talking to them because he can. You should talk to him and ask for exclusivity and if he won't give it to you and quit adding women then you are just another one of many he's chatting up and stringing along by all accounts.

 

it's different between me and him in a way since he's known me.fr years.and we've been in contact fr years so I would say after his ex I was the one he spent most.time with.

 

well he speaks to me as if we are exclusive though..as if it's just us two in a relationship. when he gets annoyed at me it's over things that only a guy would get.annoyed at his.girl over. he obviously doesn't know I know.he's.following all these.women

 

im not insecure. evrytime I say something related to another girl or.something he jst says im insecure therefore I can't win

he says evryting is fine and I'm over reacting

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I "saw" a guy for nearly three years. We were not an exclusive couple, we were not boyfriend and girlfriend. We were just dating, and it was very clear to the both of us that we were not an exclusive couple. No one felt the need to "imply" anything and I knew for sure I was not his girlfriend.

 

When he introduces you to family and friends (which I presume he does), does he say "this is my girlfriend 'sansa'"?

people have seen us together and they all assume we are together officially and he doesn't correct them

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Sansa, I understand that you've come here for advice. What kind of advice could help you?

 

Because you've been given advice and I think that you don't think this is a valid advice for you. Also you don't answer the repeated questions or answer them in a bit unclear way. So maybe the way this thread goes so far is not what you want from this forum.

 

Did you just want someone to affirm that this behavior is not acceptable in a relationship? Do you ask here which one of you is right, you for being hurt and offended or your partner for saying it's not a problem and you're being insecure?

 

Do you ask us how to convince him to change the behaviour that's hurting you? Do you want a solution?

 

Have you come here because you were troubled by his behaviour and wanted to get another insight into this relationship so that you can decide if you can fully trust him? Or what changes you can make to your relationship/almost-relationship so that your trust could flourish?

 

What would be your question here?

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