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Thread: Can you be in love at 16?

  1. #1

    Can you be in love at 16?

    I'm sixteen, and I've had a boyfriend for 6 months now, although I've liked him for 2 years and he liked me too, but we never told eachother. I feel confident that I'm in love with him and that i know the difference between love and lust / infatuation but my whole life people around me have said that teenagers can't be in love or that it's just "puppy love". I'm sure they're wrong, and that even if a lot of the time teenage relationships aren't real love they absolutely can be sometimes. I think im mature enough to feel this way even if the people around me don't.
    Thoughts?

  2. #2
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    My mother, who is 83 now, always said that it was love at all ages -- as she put it, "it feels the same, doesn't it?" And I agree with her. It absolutely can be love. The issue is that it is unlikely to be a relationship that lasts for a long time simply because the people involved have little life experience and are not as mature as they will be later in life when challenges like long or life-long relationships are taken on. Adults tend to diminish teen emotions because it makes life easier (she won't miss him if we tell her not to see him anymore) and because they often don't want to think about the repercussions of such relationships. However, you should. Even if you love your boyfriend, you have to understand that at 16 there are a lot of other things that require your attention so that you can be a successful adult -- especially school. It is your job to make sure that you become a successful adult -- don't make rash decisions, think before you act, and follow the rules of your parents if you live with them. Doing anything else will lead to a lot of trouble.

    Let me add that my daughter is 16 and I am absolutely certain that she has fallen in love with a friend of hers. Being who she is, she selected someone with a girlfriend as her object of affection because she doesn't really want to deal with a relationship and all the effort and time they take (she is also, for some reason, terrified of losing her identity to some boy), but when she is around him she absolutely lights up. This has been going on for close to a year -- fortunately, he moved across the country, so when she gets tired of pining after him, she will more easily be able to move on.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member thealchemist's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by tonyymontana
    I'm sixteen, and I've had a boyfriend for 6 months now, although I've liked him for 2 years and he liked me too, but we never told eachother. I feel confident that I'm in love with him and that i know the difference between love and lust / infatuation but my whole life people around me have said that teenagers can't be in love or that it's just "puppy love". I'm sure they're wrong, and that even if a lot of the time teenage relationships aren't real love they absolutely can be sometimes. I think im mature enough to feel this way even if the people around me don't.
    Thoughts?
    Well the chances of you two staying together through all of the life changes you will go through in the next 10 years is slim to none. Sorry but everything that you experience in this time is going to change a lot about the both of you.

    You can also miss out on a lot of experiences by tying yourself down to someone.

    My advice is to not worry about whether you will be together or not in the long run. Just go with it, but if it starts to crash don't hold on for dear life, just end it and walk away. I think the big problem some people have in your situation is trying to hold it together even when it is apparent it can't last.

    After all that I will also say that my wife and I started dating at your age and we are 29/30(me) now and married with two children and very much still in love. We never had any sort of break or anything during our entire relationship.

    But is it because we are an exception doesn't mean you will be too. Most people just break up if they start a relationship at that age.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member rosephase's Avatar
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    I was in love at 16. But I'm one of those people who think love is simply a feeling. You feel like you are in love? You are in love. There is no blood test to do to make sure it's "love".

    I fell hard for my high school boyfriend. He was my first everything. It was a deep, I had never felt anything like it. I'm super grateful for my time with him. We broke up after two years. I learned a lot about myself and realized I wanted to explore. That 16 was to young for me to be monogamous and committed. But it was love. And it took years and years for me to feel anything close to that deep with another person. But we needed to break up. We both changed entirely in the next ten years. We wanted different things, we had different experiences and we became different people with different life plans. When I spend time with him now (we are both in our 30s) it's really clear that we wouldn't date with who we've become. But that relationship was super important. I got to explore sex, how relationships function, connection and a whole bunch of other things with someone I really cared for and who really cared for me. It was my first steps towards learning what I wanted a relationship look, feel and function like. It was a very important experince for me. Even though it didn't (And shouldn't have!) last.

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  6. #5
    Gold Member Capttrae's Avatar
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    Sure you can be in love at 16, a lot of folks find their first love in their teens, very seldom is it their last or only love though. Enjoy yalls time together and when it does end, it's going to hurt like hell, it'll most likley be one of the deepest cuts but you'll learn so much from it about yourself, what you want, and life. So take the lessons you learn there and apply them to future relationships

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    Don't you worry about what anyone else thinks darling .. you know what you feel , so just enjoy it .

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Blue68's Avatar
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    Speaking as a more maturer person I would definitely say you can be in love at 16. I first fell in love at 17. We were together for almost four years and for the first two of those years we were inseparable. Even after all the experiences Iíve had since (including getting married) I know that what we had was the real deal - at the time. This person was my first love ... my first gut wrenching heartbreak ... my first everything.

    As pippy says, donít worry about what other people think. You know how you feel and thatís all that matters.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    My first love was from 15 to 18, but we were no where near mature enough to manage it.
    Looking back my situation was somewhat irresponsible due to our immaturity.
    (not enough space to go into)

    Like rosephase touched on, you do learn a lot about yourself, but at this point in your life you are maturing and changing at light speed.
    The likelihood that you both end up at the same place in a couple years is very slim.

    Due to my experience I was relieved that both my sons were between 18 and 19 before they even seriously considered dating.

    Enjoy it. Don't deny it. Recognize it for what it is.

  10. #9
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    Sure, why not? Does the label of how you feel really matter? Cause that's all it is. A label.

    However, as others have said, people change between their mid teens and mid twenties a TON, so don't have high expectations about the longevity of this relationship. Sure, there's always the story of people marrying their high school sweetheart and going the distance, but there are many more of people getting going off the rails in their 30s and 40s and getting divorced because they never got to live their 20s like "most people do" (sewing wild oats, experimenting, "finding yourself", etc.).

  11. #10
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    Yes you can. But to be honest, teenagers always make mistakes. No matter how old or mature they think they are. That's why I would suggest that you remain strong and be ready for the best and the worst.


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