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Thread: I'm not sure about the distance and what that means long term

  1. #1
    hotcocoa954
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    I'm not sure about the distance and what that means long term

    Since July 2016 a guy I met in a professional social media group at the end of 2015 and I have been talking. We video message or call or text one another every day. We fall asleep and talk for hours. We met up in January, June and July. It's been really nice and we even exchanged "I Love You" in July. The problem is that he's said (and shown that he has trust issues) so there are things I'll do to help him feel more secure about us, but I only do that to let him know I'm in it 100%. Now we were going to see one another in about 10 days and he tells me last night about not feeling financially ok for me to come (as he only gets paid once a month and apparently he wasn't very vigilant on where his money went). But I'm pissed because he's 40 and we haven't seen one another since July. I was already going to pay for my own traveling expenses and told him I'm not coming for him to spend money but for us to spend time together. He's concentrating on the financial struggle.

    I just feel as though I want to take a step back because I think he doesn't care if we see one another as much as I do.

  2. #2
    SherrySher
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    You are right about him not caring like you do.

    He had since July to get ready for your meet up. If he was excited and looking forward to it, he would have saved money and made plans.

    The fact that he hasn't planned or saved and doesn't want you to come, should be loud and clear to you how much he cares about you.

    Walk away and save yourself heartache.

  3. #3
    melancholy123
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Yes walk away. Find a real live guy in your area who you can see and hang out with and do things with.

  4. #4
    thorough
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    Yes save yourself heartache and walk away. He prob wants you to come to him, so he doesn't haven't to make an effort. Someone who wants to see you, will come see you. I did the long distance and out of impatience, I visited him twice before he did for one time. The guy was never really interested in me and was only excited because I was the only one doing the work. He is not worth it, if I had waited, I would have saved a lot of time and money.

  5. #5
    hotcocoa954
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    Thanks so much for all of your responses! I visited him in January, he came to me in June and I went to him in July. I have decided if he wants to see me that he will have to come here. But of course, the problem is he's focused on his career/education stuff to the point where seeing me obviously isn't important enough for him to plan for. So I've also decided to pull back (not talking on the phone everyday) as a result.

    You all are right, a part of me is so resentful because I have been trying to emotionally support him for 16 months over the phone and I'm pissed that we're not going to see each other next weekend. I'm even more upset because he was the one saying we need to plan a trip and a few weeks ago. Now he's mad because he feels like I don't want to talk to him, which is true so I can sort out of thoughts and feelings. I'm just upset I have to go through this so close to the holidays...

  6. #6
    thorough
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    Quote Originally Posted by SherrySher [Register to see the link]
    You are right about him not caring like you do.

    He had since July to get ready for your meet up. If he was excited and looking forward to it, he would have saved money and made plans.

    The fact that he hasn't planned or saved and doesn't want you to come, should be loud and clear to you how much he cares about you.

    Walk away and save yourself heartache.
    Yes! You deserve better. I dated a guy long distance who dragged his feet on coming out to see me and he barely saved up enough money to pay for the flight (I had been down in his city twice and paid for everything). He had the money to spend on random crap (couple hundred). He does not care about you and you are better off finding someone else.

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