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Thread: Girlfriend and my family issues

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    Girlfriend and my family issues

    Hi all. Well, me and my girlfriend have been together 14 months. My mum struggles with my sexuality and although she dislikes me being gay and doesnt have much time for my relationship she has always been polite with my girlfriend etc. The first time they met my gf was picking me up from my sister's house after Xmas dinner on Xmas day. My mum said "Hello love, you ok?" and my girlfriend jusy replied with a very unenthused "iya y'alright" and leaned against the wall very casual, she doesnt give off a very good first impression if you get me. She comes across almost rude and so this isn't helping my mum accept the relationship any more. She still calls her my girlfriend my friend and if I mention her doesnt really have much to say. My sister told me my girlfriend needs to make more effort but i also know my family can easily dislike someone if they don't come across lovely and smiley which isnt really my gf. If i spoke to her about it I know it will hurt her feelings and she will probably be defensive and dislike my family but if I don't my family wont get to warm to her. I just want everyone to get along. Why is there instant animosity. Any advice?

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    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I think your gf made a really bad first impression by more or less blowing off your mother who was trying to be polite. I think your gf has the problem, not your mother. You really should speak to your gf about this rather than putting down your mother and family.

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    I agree..but my girlfriend wont see it like that I know she wont. How do i approach it with her?

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    Platinum Member rosephase's Avatar
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    Your girlfriend is walking into a family that doesn't accept your relationship to her. It's hard to be all smiles in the face of that. Especially if you aren't the smiley type. You fell for her even though she's not the smiley type. She is your choice. And if she doesn't feel like being nice in the face of disapproval I wouldn't push her. If you want a woman who can smile down your mother's disapproval date someone else. If you want a partner that you want? let your family grow up or don't bring her around.

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    My guys' mother called me his "friend" even after we had dated a few years. It was weird. His aunt called me his "girlfriend".

    BTW< I think that her first impression blew it. If she had acted like any other guest in the house - saying please and thank you, complimenting mom or whoever cooked dinner, etc, your parents would have been more welcoming of her. There have been stories about people not thinking parents would accept someone of another race, - etc whatever, but if the person is a likeable personality, more often than not the parents are won over. In fact, i think you should have went in with the attitude that you WANTED to show mom that this relationship was "okay" - healthy, mutual, etc. They might say "i am still not settled with my daughter being a lesbian. its going to take time for me. But i really think X(name of girlfriend) is a nice girl. I like her"

    I think the only thing you can do is to talk to your girlfriend and say "mom, how about a do over?" have you tried to talk about her positives - like things you have in common that you do together?

    She doesn't have to be bubbly -- but if she doesn't have basic social skills, i can see she could be off putting.

    Parents are concerned about whether a girlfriend or boyfriend is a good influence and if she sees sullen - she might wonder what kind of influence she has on you. Someone can be a quiet person and that's fine, but there is a difference between being quiet, but then being polite when spoken to instead of mumbling. I don't see where your parents said anything to her face that they don't approve. If i came home with a GUY like that, my parents would not be happy because they would think he's squeezing the happy attitude out of me by being a downer.

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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    My guys' mother called me his "friend" even after we had dated a few years. It was weird. His aunt called me his "girlfriend".

    BTW< I think that her first impression blew it. If she had acted like any other guest in the house - saying please and thank you, complimenting mom or whoever cooked dinner, etc, your parents would have been more welcoming of her. There have been stories about people not thinking parents would accept someone of another race, - etc whatever, but if the person is a likeable personality, more often than not the parents are won over. In fact, i think you should have went in with the attitude that you WANTED to show mom that this relationship was "okay" - healthy, mutual, etc. They might say "i am still not settled with my daughter being a lesbian. its going to take time for me. But i really think X(name of girlfriend) is a nice girl. I like her"

    I think the only thing you can do is to talk to your girlfriend and say "mom, how about a do over?" have you tried to talk about her positives - like things you have in common that you do together?

    She doesn't have to be bubbly -- but if she doesn't have basic social skills, i can see she could be off putting.

    Parents are concerned about whether a girlfriend or boyfriend is a good influence and if she sees sullen - she might wonder what kind of influence she has on you. Someone can be a quiet person and that's fine, but there is a difference between being quiet, but then being polite when spoken to instead of mumbling. I don't see where your parents said anything to her face that they don't approve. If i came home with a GUY like that, my parents would not be happy because they would think he's squeezing the happy attitude out of me by being a downer.
    Totally agree.. It's hard because she isnt one to be overly polite, she doesn't care what people think of her..infact I know she can come across quite arrogant. But i also see the good side to her and the nice parts of her personality..my family are always polite even if they don't completely approve. I just don't know how else to sort it without telling my gf she made a bad first impression and came across arrogant.


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