How do I deal with my mothers emotional abuse?

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 7 months. My mother has not liked him since the beginning and despite her apparent “efforts” to try to get to know him, she is passive aggressive and rude whenever she sees him. My boyfriend is a very nice and kind person she treats horribly whenever she encounters him. Whenever the two meet, he is very respectful to her but she retorts snide comments and is very visibly rude towards him. Whenever she gets the chance, she comes to me and talks about how we should not get too “close” because she wants us to eventually break up. She furthers these efforts by limiting our opportunities to even see each other. After going shopping, she said she didn’t want us to go shopping because she felt it was too intimate. She has also forced me to tell her EVERY SINGLE time we see each other. She constantly falsely assumes his character qualities she has not even had the chance to see in him. I know these accusations to be false so I defend him and argue with her yet she responds by saying that I constantly do not accept the freedom they have given me (by dating him). However, although we are dating, she constantly assumes we are “friends” and gets annoyed whenever I ask to hang out, even if given the freedom to do so. For example, when I say I would like to see him, I come home and she is rude to me and every statement is directed either against me or him. In order to avoid this feeling of rejection and tension I do not always tell them when we hang out. However, we have been caught and she then accuses me of being lying and deceitful. She proceeds to ask me to “examine my faith” and gets exasperated? When I try to explain the situation and why I feel that way, she accepts that “we as parents have made a lot of mistakes” yet is hypocritical in that she so quickly jumps on all my mistakes. Even when I am completely honest with her, the statements and harsh words directed towards me are hard to bear and I cannot stand being at home. Her false accusations and stubborn attitude has led me as far as suicidal thoughts yet I refuse to break up with a person that I truly love simply to please her. She is a very controlling person that accuses her children of “not letting her be a mother” if we question her aggression and treatment. I feel terrible that my boyfriend is dragged into these situations and I do not see her making any efforts to even get to know him or accept him! She will force her point through even if it makes me cry every night. I don’t know how to deal with her. She is a very stubborn person who is very closed minded and is entitled to her opinion. I am a senior in high school and will be going to college soon however I do not know if I can take her words and accusations as well as her attitude towards my boyfriend much longer. What can I do to make her realize that her actions are hurting me every night and making me feel suicidal?

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 7 months. My mother has not liked him since the beginning and despite her apparent “efforts” to try to get to know him, she is passive aggressive and rude whenever she sees him.

 

My boyfriend is a very nice and kind person she treats horribly whenever she encounters him. Whenever the two meet, he is very respectful to her but she retorts snide comments and is very visibly rude towards him. Whenever she gets the chance, she comes to me and talks about how we should not get too “close” because she wants us to eventually break up. She furthers these efforts by limiting our opportunities to even see each other.

 

After going shopping, she said she didn’t want us to go shopping because she felt it was too intimate. She has also forced me to tell her EVERY SINGLE time we see each other. She constantly falsely assumes his character qualities she has not even had the chance to see in him.

 

I know these accusations to be false so I defend him and argue with her yet she responds by saying that I constantly do not accept the freedom they have given me (by dating him). However, although we are dating, she constantly assumes we are “friends” and gets annoyed whenever I ask to hang out, even if given the freedom to do so. For example, when I say I would like to see him, I come home and she is rude to me and every statement is directed either against me or him. In order to avoid this feeling of rejection and tension I do not always tell them when we hang out. However, we have been caught and she then accuses me of being lying and deceitful.

 

She proceeds to ask me to “examine my faith” and gets exasperated? When I try to explain the situation and why I feel that way, she accepts that “we as parents have made a lot of mistakes” yet is hypocritical in that she so quickly jumps on all my mistakes. Even when I am completely honest with her, the statements and harsh words directed towards me are hard to bear and I cannot stand being at home.

 

Her false accusations and stubborn attitude has led me as far as suicidal thoughts yet I refuse to break up with a person that I truly love simply to please her. She is a very controlling person that accuses her children of “not letting her be a mother” if we question her aggression and treatment. I feel terrible that my boyfriend is dragged into these situations and I do not see her making any efforts to even get to know him or accept him! She will force her point through even if it makes me cry every night. I don’t know how to deal with her. She is a very stubborn person who is very closed minded and is entitled to her opinion.

 

I am a senior in high school and will be going to college soon however I do not know if I can take her words and accusations as well as her attitude towards my boyfriend much longer. What can I do to make her realize that her actions are hurting me every night and making me feel suicidal?

I broke that down into paragraphs so it would be easier to read...

When you're a senior in high school and dependent on your parents to survive then it is kind of a given that you need to abide by their rules until you are able to fend for yourself and you can get your own place with your own rules.

Since you're not at that stage in your life right now, it would be in your own best emotional well being to accept any of her rules that are not worth fighting over and perhaps the one's that are outrageous, you can sit down and negotiate with her to some sort of compromise. (?)

You can start the conversation by being polite and letting her know that you are sad with the way the two of you have been getting along over a boy you love and could you and she talk of compromise so that you're both somewhat happy rather then you both being tortured from not being in control.

You might as well try to make the best of things with her as long as you remain under her roof and are being financially supported by her.

Where is your Dad? What does he say about all of this bickering that you and your mother are embroiled in?

How old are you?

you say she said "as parents we made mistakes"

Did she get pregnant as a teen or young adult too soon? Or did someone in the family? If you are a minor, have your grades been slipping since you started seeing your boyfriend, have the two of you been handsy around mom or are you out at his house too late? Are your parents immigrants? Are you from a culture that emphasizes dating is only something you do when you are ready to marry?