Should I contact my crush's mom??

Hi all,

When I was in elementary school, there was a boy who had a crush on me for pretty much our entire grade school career. At the time, I didn't think much of it because we were kids. Now we are both in our mid-30s, neither of us has been married or has kids. We've kept in touch off and on over the years. Now that I'm an adult, I have started to have feelings for him. I think he and I would be a good match because we both come from good families, have similar backgrounds, etc. I've reached out to him a few times recently, but he's not interested at all. He's more interested in "bad" girls.

I recently found out his mother has been telling people "she needs to find a nice, good girl" for her son. Well, I am a nice, good girl! Should I reach out to his mother to plant the seed, or just let this whole thing go??

Thanks for any input you might have!

No darling no no no

He gets to choose his own path , not what his mother wants and she cannot influence him to be with you , he is a grown man .

Let it go

Uuuuuuh no . If my mom was interfering in my love life in my 30’s I would just... well.

Oh that's true...I did not think about it that way! Thank you for the perspective!

Good lord, no

No. He is not interested.

OP, I'm gonna need you to pour yourself a glass of water and take a drink.

It sounds like you don't expect him to fall in romantic love with you, but be with you for rational reasons because you are "a good match" and "from a good family". Nothing wrong with that approach to relationships, but he may have a different one and romantic interest he has in these girls is more important to him than purely rational reasons. And he doesn't have that interest in you. Either way, it's his choice and he didn't choose you.

If you feel like you need to find yourself someone, being in your 30s, maybe give dating sites a try? Especially the ones oriented for people who had similar values to you, so that you could find yourself someone compatible, from a good family, with similar background, and actually interested.

Hmm....Did he say why?

I remember once my grandparents and uncle tried to set me up with this girl as they are friends with her parents...She ended up stopping by during our family Christmas at my uncle's place and it was all kinda set up...I just remember her asking me, "You want me to grab you a beer?" then she asks if I want to go for a ride with her in her car....she parks the car, says that the music is too loud, turns it off, then tries to makeout with me....I guess she comes from one of the few US families that had property on an oil field, so they are completely loaded and she had an allowance of like $50,000 per week...

Anyways, regardless of the money and the fact that If I would marry her I would own like 10 houses, have a private jet, and whatever LOL....I was just turned off by the whole situation and she wasn't really my type...maybe it was cause my family kept on telling me to go for her....They probably think I am gay now LOL

They probably think I am gay now LOL

oh well you're the man for me

( too long to explain )

Ok then!

Stalker alert!

It sounds like you don't expect him to fall in romantic love with you, but be with you for rational reasons because you are "a good match" and "from a good family". Nothing wrong with that approach to relationships, but he may have a different one and romantic interest he has in these girls is more important to him than purely rational reasons. And he doesn't have that interest in you. Either way, it's his choice and he didn't choose you.

 

If you feel like you need to find yourself someone, being in your 30s, maybe give dating sites a try? Especially the ones oriented for people who had similar values to you, so that you could find yourself someone compatible, from a good family, with similar background, and actually interested.

I do expect him to love me romantically in addition to the rational reasons. My parents are divorced, so I've done a lot of research on what makes relationships work, because I don't want to repeat what they went through. And it seems that one factor in lasting marriages is similar values and backgrounds. But I do think the romantic side is vital too. But, like you said, it's his choice...and I can't make him do something he doesn't want to.

It sounds like you don't expect him to fall in romantic love with you, but be with you for rational reasons because you are "a good match" and "from a good family". Nothing wrong with that approach to relationships, but he may have a different one and romantic interest he has in these girls is more important to him than purely rational reasons. And he doesn't have that interest in you. Either way, it's his choice and he didn't choose you.

 

If you feel like you need to find yourself someone, being in your 30s, maybe give dating sites a try? Especially the ones oriented for people who had similar values to you, so that you could find yourself someone compatible, from a good family, with similar background, and actually interested.

Oh, I forgot to mention, I've tried dating apps, websites, you name it, for years with no luck. I'm taking a break from that route...

Hmm....Did he say why?

 

I remember once my grandparents and uncle tried to set me up with this girl as they are friends with her parents...She ended up stopping by during our family Christmas at my uncle's place and it was all kinda set up...I just remember her asking me, "You want me to grab you a beer?" then she asks if I want to go for a ride with her in her car....she parks the car, says that the music is too loud, turns it off, then tries to makeout with me....I guess she comes from one of the few US families that had property on an oil field, so they are completely loaded and she had an allowance of like $50,000 per week...

 

Anyways, regardless of the money and the fact that If I would marry her I would own like 10 houses, have a private jet, and whatever LOL....I was just turned off by the whole situation and she wasn't really my type...maybe it was cause my family kept on telling me to go for her....They probably think I am gay now LOL

He's never said why, but my guess is that it has to do with his job. He's in the food service industry, he works terrible hours, and I think he has always felt like he should get a more "traditional" job, but he just never has. Now that I think about it, maybe we aren't as much a match as I thought we were...

Stalker alert!

I'm not a stalker. Our families have known each other since we were kids. In fact, our parents went to school together. So it's not like I'm some stranger coming out of the woodwork.

 

I recently found out his mother has been telling people "she needs to find a nice, good girl" for her son.

 

Thanks for any input you might have!

It doesn't mean anything. All mothers want the same for their sons. My mother says the same thing but I like "bad" girls like him. Even if his mother sets you up a date with him, it will not work.....

Don'r really get the attraction to "bad girls," and 'bad boys.' I see that being for people who emotionally unavailable, and pursue people who are drama-filled and unavailable.

Don'r really get the attraction to "bad girls," and 'bad boys.' I see that being for people who emotionally unavailable, and pursue people who are drama-filled and unavailable.

Amen!! I have been wondering this for years. So glad to know I'm not the only one.

I've reached out to him a few times recently, but he's not interested at all.

Speaking only for myself, this is all I'd need to know.

Most people are just not our match. That's not cynical, it's just the odds. Once I got that, I felt liberated from two things: 1) trying to manipulate a bad match into a good one--it doesn't work, and 2) personalizing rejection instead of regarding it as someone else's vision not aligning with my own.

We each deserve great simpatico with someone who 'gets us' because we see one another through the right lens to recognize and appreciate the unique value in one another. Most people don't match that capacity together, and we can't force a fit.

Love is rare because it's supposed to be rare. Otherwise, what would be so special about it?