Bf strugles with my x husband

In conversation if i talk about my kids from a time when i was with there father my bf shuts down. I had been talking in my sleep. My bf and i were talking about what i had been doing or saying in my sleep. I brought up a time i was in a hotel and woke up to my daughter screeming and crying and banging on someone elses door. He got up and left. Started no contact. The next day after work i went to his place to talk and find out what happened. He asked who i was sleeping with and i responded my other daughter. He asked where i was and i said cuba. He then said in an angree voice how would you like it if i told you my son walked in on me have sex with there mother. I was so upset that i left and ended it. He is in no contact with me. I tried two days after but not response. Am i being insensive by discusing my life. Am i suposed to live in fear of talking and upseting him? Am i being insensitive to his sensitivity? What do i do? Today is day 7 no contact from him.

He is a tool. Really. People are not responsible for what they say in their sleep . That’s ridiculous and some people talk more in their sleep than others . I find it so bloody ridiculous that people try to hold people responsible for things when they are actually not even awake . And of course you’re going to talk to your kids about their father . He sounds like somebody who’s extremely jealous and will only cause you grief be glad he’s gone . He’s not ready for relationship with anybody who’s had any other man in their life whatsoever at all .

Being that hung up on someone's past is not healthy at all. You are probably better off without him... I understand that some people don't want to talk about exes... but this is a bit stupid.

I for one like talking about exes, what went wrong etc.. helps you get a better understanding of who you are with, their history, etc. Same goes talking about my ex...

Most people will tell you to leave him as that is generally people trying to be supportive of you no matter what...

However, I would like to give my opinion.... People do NOT like hearing about their partner's exes no matter what......It is a cross-cultural thing and something I have noticed after living in 3 different countries...

I can guarantee you that If I told my girlfriend I would like to take her to a nice romantic cottage as I was there with my ex last year and it was fantastic.....I am sure she would slap me! lol....well not literally...

So if you know that people don't like hearing about their partner's ex, why talk about it unless you REALLY have to?

Your bf is an insecure, manipulative jerk. Do you really want a relationship where you are always walking on eggshells? Good God, he is trying to control how you dream! Disturbing.

Find someone who doesn't have so many issues. You need to make better choices in men.

The thing is he is not just an “ ex” they have children together . He’s going to come up regardless . My mom is remarried and divorced from my father and I am 51 years old and I still talk about my dad with my mom and my stepdad is right there he couldn’t care less . He knows I have a dad . And I love my stepdad dearly . He knows my mom is not going back to my dad .

You also can’t punish children by not letting them talk about their parent because somebody’s not grown-up enough .

The thing is he is not just an “ ex” they have children together . He’s going to come up regardless . My mom is remarried and divorced from my father and I am 51 years old and I still talk about my dad with my mom and my stepdad is right there he couldn’t care less . He knows I have a dad . And I love my stepdad dearly . He knows my mom is not going back to my dad .

 

You also can’t punish children by not letting them talk about their parent because somebody’s not grown-up enough .

Exactly... and I disagree with willdation... talking about exes is a fairly common occurrence that is usually fine with most people - depending on how you talk about it...

Definitely not a first date conversation... definitely not a "So... my ex used to do this in bed for me, and it really did the trick, maybe you could learn that?"... just use common sense. But talking about the ex, issues the relationship had, what was good, etc... I don't see a problem with that at all...

Most people will tell you to leave him as that is generally people trying to be supportive of you no matter what...

 

However, I would like to give my opinion.... People do NOT like hearing about their partner's exes no matter what......It is a cross-cultural thing and something I have noticed after living in 3 different countries...

 

I can guarantee you that If I told my girlfriend I would like to take her to a nice romantic cottage as I was there with my ex last year and it was fantastic.....I am sure she would slap me! lol....well not literally...

 

So if you know that people don't like hearing about their partner's ex, why talk about it unless you REALLY have to?

I enjoy knowing about my partners past relationships. They shaped the person I am with. I learn a huge amount about who they are, how they've grown, what they want, how they handle relationships... it's all very interesting to me. If you are knee jerk freaked out by the fact that your partner has had past relationships I think you aren't ready to be in a relationship. You don't have to be deeply interested in their past but if you can't talk about it like an adult? That's possessive to an unhealthy level.

He is a tool. Really. People are not responsible for what they say in their sleep . That’s ridiculous and some people talk more in their sleep than others . I find it so bloody ridiculous that people try to hold people responsible for things when they are actually not even awake . And of course you’re going to talk to your kids about their father . He sounds like somebody who’s extremely jealous and will only cause you grief be glad he’s gone . He’s not ready for relationship with anybody who’s had any other man in their life whatsoever at all .

Wait. That was what started the conversation... me talking in my sleep. Then i told a story about my daughter sleep walking. Did not mention my x. For the record was sleeping with my younger daughter but i didnt go into detail. It was just a scary moment for me. That related to the topic.

Being that hung up on someone's past is not healthy at all. You are probably better off without him... I understand that some people don't want to talk about exes... but this is a bit stupid.

 

I for one like talking about exes, what went wrong etc.. helps you get a better understanding of who you are with, their history, etc. Same goes talking about my ex...

I didnt mention my x. He added that in there.

I didnt mention my x. He added that in there.

Then all the more reason for him to stay gone .

Being that hung up on someone's past is not healthy at all. You are probably better off without him... I understand that some people don't want to talk about exes... but this is a bit stupid.

 

I for one like talking about exes, what went wrong etc.. helps you get a better understanding of who you are with, their history, etc. Same goes talking about my ex...

Btw i really love this guy. He was my first love. Hes just so insecure and displays controling behaviour but im not a girl to keep quiet. I wanted this to work out. I love his kids too. The no contact is killing me and making me angry. Cant eat cant sleep. Everytime we disagree he goes no contact.

Being that hung up on someone's past is not healthy at all. You are probably better off without him... I understand that some people don't want to talk about exes... but this is a bit stupid.

 

I for one like talking about exes, what went wrong etc.. helps you get a better understanding of who you are with, their history, etc. Same goes talking about my ex...

Last yr. First no contact. I went to a mall with two friends. One was a guy. He didnt talk to me for three or four days. And that was at a time when he was talking calling texting all day.

Because you love him doesn’t mean it will work out. His behaviour surrounding communication is childish .

Ok but was i insensitive to tell a story about my kids? Did not mention my x. Bf added the other details in his head.

Ok but was i insensitive to tell a story about my kids? Did not mention my x. Bf added the other details in his head.

No. Of course you can talk about your own children .

Being that hung up on someone's past is not healthy at all. You are probably better off without him... I understand that some people don't want to talk about exes... but this is a bit stupid.

 

I for one like talking about exes, what went wrong etc.. helps you get a better understanding of who you are with, their history, etc. Same goes talking about my ex...

Most people will tell you to leave him as that is generally people trying to be supportive of you no matter what...

 

However, I would like to give my opinion.... People do NOT like hearing about their partner's exes no matter what......It is a cross-cultural thing and something I have noticed after living in 3 different countries...

 

I can guarantee you that If I told my girlfriend I would like to take her to a nice romantic cottage as I was there with my ex last year and it was fantastic.....I am sure she would slap me! lol....well not literally...

 

So if you know that people don't like hearing about their partner's ex, why talk about it unless you REALLY have to?

I did not mention my x. He added the details.

It does not matter if you mentioned you ex. We have all mentioned exs, with a partner behaving in this manner. Something is wrong with this guy.

Not speaking to you, is a form of punishment, and is very manipulative and controlling. He is emotionally abusive.

So what if he is your first love, we have all had a first love. You are in a very unhealthy relationship.

He needs help. If he ever talks to me again what advice should i give him? I love him and dont want to give up on him.

This man is emotionally abusive. You need to love yourself more, and get away from this type of individual.

He must want to help himself, and recognize that he has a problem. This does not come from you, he must acknowledge it. Treatment for this could take years, and may not be successful.

OP. this is who he is, and you need to understand why you still want someone like this. I strongly suggest that you seek counseling to see things clearly.

This man is emotionally abusive. You need to love yourself more, and get away from this type of individual.

 

He must want to help himself, and recognize that he has a problem. This does not come from you, he must acknowledge it. Treatment for this could take years, and may not be successful.

 

OP. this is who he is, and you need to understand why you still want someone like this. I strongly suggest that you seek counseling to see things clearly.

Ok thx i understand. I will move on.

Also, please block and delete all contact info.