Not sure if I am ready for marriage, should we see other people first?

This is a long story but bare with me.

Okay about 5 years ago I met my high school sweet heart and we have been dating ever since. She is the first and only girlfriend I have ever had, only girl I have ever kissed, and obviously only girl I have had sex with. We work well together and she is my best friend. We got engaged in May of this year, and I wasn't entirely sure if I wanted to get engaged yet, but she kind of put me on the spot so I just followed along and thought things would just work out. As we are getting closer to the wedding date in 2019 I get more and more anxious because I'm not sure I am ready for commitment. I love her and all, but I am wondering if I really love her since she is the only person I have ever had the chance to love. We have semi similar interest but she tends to go with mine more than I go with hers. But not really, I enjoy drinking, smoking, playing games, reading and writing. While she likes typical girl stuff. She won't do any drugs at all (which is fine ) but when we go out it's like I have my mother with me telling me how much I can do, and Everytime I do anything I feel she is judging me, even though when I confront her she tells me she isn't. I used to go camping, and backpacking but she doesn't like doing really hard physical activity. I keep myself in shape and work out 5 days a week. She hasn't worked out probably since highschool and she doesn't always put a lot of effort into sex because she knows I'll do all the work. She has a very dependant personality so she constantly needs attention while I am the complete opposite.

The point is recently I have just been noticing a lot of her flaws that bug me now that didn't before. Things that i don't know if I want to live with forever.

I have never done anything that would hurt her such as cheat on her. Recently though I have noticed I have been checking girls out more than I ever used to and my mind tends to Wonder.

The point is what should I do? Should I stay with her but live with this empty hole I feel inside of me? Or should I try going on my own for a while to see if she is the one, but knowing the risk that she might be the one that got away?

My heart wants to go both ways but I know I can't.

Also at the same time she hasnt loved anyone else and had sex (that I know of) with anyone else. Should we see other people?

You're way past the honeymoon period in your relationship, so naturally things get comfortable

and partners settle in the relationship.

You want to see if the grass is greener, very common when you've only had one relationship.

It's a risk you take. However, it is not fair to her if you are having these feelings because you may

end up resenting her after marriage.

Your drug use is concerning. You work out and stay healthy, active, yet drugs combat that.

You should be glad she acts like your mother in this situation, because she cares.

She is, however, enabling you by tolerating it. I would have dumped you for this.

Ending your engagement and seeing other people doesn't mean you will find perfection.

You are young, so your dating pool is better than the mid to older group that can contain baggage,

past hurts, divorces, etc.

You're having cold feet a little early. This is a decision that is yours.

Just know you risk losing her forever.

There will always be someone more attractive, richer, younger, more established,

but it isn't every day you find love.

Everytime I do anything I feel she is judging me, even though when I confront her she tells me she isn't.

 

Should I stay with her but live with this empty hole I feel inside of me?

It doesn't sound like you really love her so the answer is to break up. Based on what you wrote, the two of you have grown into very different people, plus you are NOT ready for marriage in any case. Right now, you are in the process of uncoupling. You are silently emotionally distancing yourself from her. Imo, it is a matter of time before you break up with her. As you seem to be aware, a break up changes forever the dynamics of the relationship. Chances are that she will never trust you the same after the break up. However, I find it hard to imagine that you would reach this emotional point had you two been compatible.

Both of you bear a share of the responsibility regarding how your relationship reached this point. On the one hand she sounds overbearing (or you make her out to be), on the other hand you sound passive-aggressive. You are judging her as much as she is judging you. The difference is that it sounds like you are doing it behind her back and keeping her in the dark.

Your relationship problems are sort of normal relationship issues - incompabilities like that will always happen. But you definitely got engaged too soon. You shouldn't have done it if your heart wasn't in it. You definitely should let your girlfriend know that you're not ready to be married now and that you need to think about if this is heading towards marriage - maybe call the engagement off if this is possible without breaking the relationship up.

Before you get married together or with other people, you need more life knowledge. More relationship skills, more knowledge where to intervene and when to let go. For example, your sex issues is something that should be addressed as soon as possible, otherwise you'll get unhappy in the relationship and it will be too late to solve this. You both should work on your dependence/independence conflict. Also, you should learn to pursue your interests that are not compatible with you girlfriend - like outdoorsy ones - cause sacrificing who we are for the relationship is a wrong way to go. You should also learn to distinguish between the areas where you shouldn't sacrifice and the areas like your party behavior which is absolutely not a loss of your identity if you learn to behave at parties in a way that earns your girlfriend's respect. Basically, you're both very young, inexperienced and you have a lot of relationship skills to obtain, and marriage should be off the table for both of you until you learn these skills.

Also it doesn't seem like you respect your girlfriend for who she is or look up to her. You describe yourself as active, in shape, etc. and her as clingy, interested in only girly stuff, lazy, judging, etc. You haven't written anything positive about her and it seems that at the moment, maybe due to your crisis or disillusionment with the relationship, you sort of look down on her or feel like she's stopping you from who you want to be. I don't think this is fair to her or good for you. If you want to be in this relationship, you need to work on your relationship to get to the place where you really respect her for who she is and feel like you're the luckiest guy on earth for being with her. If you won't feel that way, you can't be happy together.

So there is a way to save this by looking for mutual growth, talking, learning from each other and solving problems. But I think you may have been asking here for a permission to leave her, which is perfectly fine if this is what you decide to do. It would be beneficial to you, because it would allow you to gain more life experience, and in a few years you won't be asking yourself how it is to kiss another girl. And it would be fair to her, because right now she thinks this relationship is heading straight towards marriage, which obviously isn't true. So if you really want to be with her, get to work on what you have. If you don't really want to be with her, don't be with her - it's not bad to break up with somebody and it's morally better than stringing them along.

Break off the engagement. Live your life. You will know when you find the person who is right for you. You two don't even sound compatible- just a high school relationship that went on too long, got too comfortable, and now you are scared to let it go.

I know I sound negative about her, but she really is my best friend, I would take a bullet for her. We have thought out our lives together.

Break off the engagement. Live your life. You will know when you find the person who is right for you. You two don't even sound compatible- just a high school relationship that went on too long, got too comfortable, and now you are scared to let it go.

This is similar to what one of my good friends said. We live together and have been for a while, and have gotten very comfortable.

This is similar to what one of my good friends said. We live together and have been for a while, and have gotten very comfortable.

Yes, it would take a firm decision and a lot of energy and inconvience to break the momentum and turn in another direction at this point.

When you said you feel a hole in your heart and didn't really want to get engaged, that really stood out to me. Marrying the one you love shouldn't feel like a big sacrifice, it should be like the icing on the cake to what you always wanted imo.

You sound like you are quite young and therefore you really should have more time on your own to decide if she is The One or not. If you cant feel 100% sure that you want to marry her and spend your life with her then you should not get married. Marriage is a legal and complex state and not to be entered into lightly, as ministers tend to say. You have to be sure, and you aren't. I dont think you are ready.

Break off the engagement. Live your life. You will know when you find the person who is right for you. You two don't even sound compatible- just a high school relationship that went on too long, got too comfortable, and now you are scared to let it go.

This covers my thoughts as well

I know I sound negative about her, but she really is my best friend, I would take a bullet for her. We have thought out our lives together.

It ok mate, you don't have to defend her , we think no less ..... It is lovely what you shared and growing up together , but it has run its course as sad as that is .

List things you like about her and decide if those qualities make her 51% valuable. If not, then unfortunately you will have to be honest to your girl and admit that you're not ready. If you marry her with this craving for something different it will cause resentment and unhappiness down the line. Also, you sound immature with your drugs/smoking/drinking habits so naturally she's going to nag like a mother even though it's a poor way to communicate.

Assuming that you're in your early 20s, reality is, dating is quite brutal for men with no money, good looks, or charisma. Even if you have all the following, it's still difficult to find a suitable partner unless you're just looking for hookups. Every decision you make comes with a price.

Dated my hubby for 4 months at 18, then getting back together after 14 years apart; it was pretty much like zero question and zero doubt, we were perfect for each other. But we hadn't spent 5 years together, going through lots of ups and downs and everything inbetween. I think you both just aren't the right fit, but have 5 years of memories.

Anyone who brings up minute lifestyle choices like going to the gym and hiking versus wanting kids or religion or long-term goals, are pretty much reaching for anything. You already know this is not someone you can even picture marrying. That's okay. I know it's scary to be away from literally what you've known your adult life, but you won't be happy unless you live your life, try, fail, succeed.

Don't drag it out. Don't be afraid that you will be looked like the bad guy; someone has to be. And do not ask to have an open relationship (that is a giant slap in the face, unless you both have been like this since the beginning); because that's not the issue you have.