my boyfriend kind of abused me today

so, basically, i have a problem with depression and self-harm. my boyfriend hates that part about me and gets angry whenever i talk about it. so, i don't. last night was a difficult night and i broke my promise that i wouldn't cut for the second time. he was angry but he got over it a little easier than usual. he came to see me, too. but when he came... he grabbed salt and alcohol, chased me into my room, pinned me down, and forcefully put it onto my cuts. he said that that should teach me to not do it again. yes we argued again but i ended up forgiving him and he said he wouldn't ever do something like that again. this is the first time he's ever physically hurt me?? i just don't know if it's a big enough problem to justify leaving him? he didn't hit me... i don't know. he constantly emotionally abuses me. he's controlling, manipulative, gets mood swings, never wants me to talk about my past or things that make him angry... i'm scared to leave him, too. i'm unhappy but i'm worried he will post sensitive pictures (which he forced me to do, as well) of me onto the internet. and i don't know. i'm waiting for him to do something really bad so i can justify leaving him?? i don't know what to do?

I could barely read this I am so disgusted , he is an abuser , a cruel cruel abuser and you Have to end it now ..now my darling .

Yes, this is abuse.

You don't need anything else to justify leaving him. He is a horrible partner, and you need to dump his loser butt to the curb immediately. If he posts any compromising pictures of you online, you need to report it.

I could barely read this I am so disgusted , he is an abuser , a cruel cruel abuser and you Have to end it now ..now my darling .

Agree! End this now! You also need to address the cutting with a professional.

You bf is a monster.

Yes, leave him. This guy is 100% abusive and the longer you are with abusive people the harder (and potentially more dangerous) it can be too leave.

He is 100% an abuser. Get out now. My aunt is dead due an abusive relationship.

Get rid of this Bozo, ASAP!

He's the last thing you need in your life, you have enough on your plate, and his abuse will only continue to escalate. Please seek help for your problem with cutting...we're here for you.

Are you receiving any medical treatment for your depression and cutting?

Even if you are, you need some extra help love. " something bad" has already happened. What is happening between you two is no good at all. It's bad for your emotional, mental and physical health. I believe part of what has drawn you and kept you with this man is your own issues of low self worth and your poor mental health. Getting out of this relationship will require fortitude on your part and as much supports as you can drum up.

May I ask who you have as a support system as of now? Family? Friend? Councillor or therapist? Doctor?

Please leave the relationship now. He is very abusive and the level of what he did is very disturbing. Abusers always escalate - always! Please talk to someone you trust - local law enforcement, counselor at a women's shelter, you can even find a counselor at a local Planned Parenthood clinic - they have many more services than birth control! Most people don't realize how many services they do provide. Do you have a trusted adult friend (I'm sorry I don't know/or missed your age) physician, teacher (if you're a student of any kind/any age) please go to them for support in making the decision and handling the details of leaving. Perhaps you already have contact with a counselor due to the self-harm, please, please talk to them about this at once. You do NOT deserve this kind of treatment! Please be safe, end the relationship at once, and thanks for posting this. It's obvious you want/need help - we are here for you. There are many good people on this forum who will listen and provide support. We all want you to be safe! (((HUGS)))

Darling I hope we haven't freaked you out , maybe that goes some way to showing you how bad this situation is , so please come back and talk to us .

I imagine you have demons fighting for both sides here , one half of you hoping we say you are being too dramatic and tell you to stop been silly so you then wont have to face this and do anything about it , sometimes for a short time anyway , it can feel like * better the devil we know *

Then that other side that made you write this post , that lost person in there who knows it is wrong and who knows you deserve love , kindness and understanding .

As the others asked , have you got support , how old are you ? Are you in the mental health system ? Can you talk to your mum, best friend , sister ? You need someone right now to reassure you you are not making a big deal , to reinforce to you that he doesn't deserve to be with you , especially as with every day that passes you will convince yourself even more that it is you and not him

This is how abused people rationalise what has happened , by looking at what they consider more severe and finding comfort in that fact that they didn't go that far .

i just don't know if it's a big enough problem to justify leaving him? he didn't hit me.

Actually the truth is , to rub salt in your self harming scars , pin you down and pour alcohol in them is physical and extreme emotional abuse .

Anyway I hope you come back and talk to us , there is freedom after abuse darling x

thank you all so much for the responses and advice! yes, i have been receiving therapy and seeing a psychiatrist for years now. i can talk to either my family or therapist but i'm scared to. i am 17, and my boyfriend is 19. i do not want him to get into legal trouble and such. but i am definitely not going to continue with this anymore...

thank you all so much for the responses and advice! yes, i have been receiving therapy and seeing a psychiatrist for years now. i can talk to either my family or therapist but i'm scared to. i am 17, and my boyfriend is 19. i do not want him to get into legal trouble and such. but i am definitely not going to continue with this anymore...

oh my darling 17 yrs old , I want to scoop you up and take you home ... it wont get him into legal trouble unless you actually pressed charges and honest , even if it did , this is still the part of you that is protecting him that you feel compelled to do ..it can take some time for that aspect to go .

I am so relieved to hear you are not going to continue , please please do that ..talk to your family and therapist , you need support and you need to tell them the truth about this xxx much love , you are very strong and brave to be confronting this .

this has honestly empowered me and made me feel a little less alone and scared. thank you so much xx

this has honestly empowered me and made me feel a little less alone and scared. thank you so much xx

A lot of us have stood in your shoes one way or another , so we are all with you xx

He is an abuser, and from reading this, it sounds like you are afraid of him. Please leave him as soon as possible. I know it’s hard, but he is toxic and it’s worse b/c you have your own issues you’re dealing with right now

Please share with your family and friends, to give you strength and support.

so here's an update: i tried to break up with him today. he came to see me right away (he lives an hour and a half away) and apologized profusely. on his knees and everything. he said he would never do something like that again, to give him him one more chance and if he messes up again, then i can leave him. he even said he would start seeing a therapist to change his attitude as well. i felt so bad seeing him in that state, so vulnerable and truly afraid to lose me. i told him i would give him another chance but that i'm not 100% sure on my decision. i'm stuck again on what to do.

All abusers use this manipulation .

so here's an update: i tried to break up with him today. he came to see me right away (he lives an hour and a half away) and apologized profusely. on his knees and everything. he said he would never do something like that again, to give him him one more chance and if he messes up again, then i can leave him. he even said he would start seeing a therapist to change his attitude as well. i felt so bad seeing him in that state, so vulnerable and truly afraid to lose me. i told him i would give him another chance but that i'm not 100% sure on my decision. i'm stuck again on what to do.

Honey I have been in the exact same position as you when I was 15 (broke up when I was 17). I know right now you can't see how bad what he is doing is, and you can justify staying with him because he hasn't punched you or beat you up, but believe me when I say you have very valid reasons to leave him. My ex was very emotionally manipulative and knew how low my self esteem was, so used this to put my down and make me think him acting out was all my fault. My ex also said he would see a therapist, which he did once to satisfy me and then never went again. I understand what you mean when you say he seems vulnerable and afraid to lose you, because abusers need their victims around (they have low self esteem just like us so will do anything to keep us around). So many times would I try and break up with him and I'd feel so bad as he'd cry and beg me to stay with him, so I'd give him another chance. As soon as I stuck with my decision to leave him he turned into the awful person he was when he'd abuse me during the relationship. Youve got to realise this is the person they are, not the person they are when they're nice and begging for forgiveness, and that it's unforgivable to be that horrible to someone even if they are nice sometimes. I hope you have to courage to leave him, my mum and my one remaining friend during the relationship helped me leave. Utilise all the support you have, and if he posts the images you were talking about online, or threatens to, go straight to the police. Trust me, they will take you seriously, especially because you are under 18. You deserve to be treated better than this because you are worth it (even if he makes you think otherwise). Lots of love.

he is for sure an abuser, I went through something similar with a previous partner I suffered from depression (Still Do) and he played on that telling me I was useless and I should listen to myself and off myself and one day I woke up and said to myself I'm woth more than this and for everytime he said to me im worthless I said to myself I'm not worthless 10 times because I found the more you tell yourself your worth something you start to believe it,, so I kicked his ass to the curb and I haven't looked back since, I am now in a really good relationship with two beautiful kids and even tho I still suffer with depression when I look at my life I couldn't be more happier with how it ended up, so please dig deep and find that courage to speak up for yourself and say 'you are worth something' and believe it please, There is a man (A real man) waiting out there for you who will up your spirits and encourage you to do better, I no it will be a difficult process but believe me it is so worth in the end,

sending my love you way

he is for sure an abuser, I went through something similar with a previous partner I suffered from depression (Still Do) and he played on that telling me I was useless and I should listen to myself and off myself and one day I woke up and said to myself I'm woth more than this and for everytime he said to me im worthless I said to myself I'm not worthless 10 times because I found the more you tell yourself your worth something you start to believe it,, so I kicked his ass to the curb and I haven't looked back since, I am now in a really good relationship with two beautiful kids and even tho I still suffer with depression when I look at my life I couldn't be more happier with how it ended up, so please dig deep and find that courage to speak up for yourself and say 'you are worth something' and believe it please, There is a man (A real man) waiting out there for you who will up your spirits and encourage you to do better, I no it will be a difficult process but believe me it is so worth in the end,

sending my love you way