I feel like I lost all control ...

I really don't know who to turn to anymore or what to do... I'm in an abusive friendship / relationship I feel like I have no control over anymore ... I feel like he has control over me in some weird way.. and most of all he lies and manipulates me to feel super guilty, and like every thing is my fault so I cave in .. crazy thing is .. is that I'm aware of what he's doing but yet I go back and believe that next time will be better .... he will make statements like " if you do this I'll forgive you". He will be little me by calling me names, consistently calling me a .. attention .. telling me I'm a little girl... I know I'm not any of these things but he just keeps the insults coming .. and turns around and tells me he's just joking... I'm slacking in school .. Calling out of work a lot and being involved in sexual activity with him to please him more so than myself .. I feel controlled and depressed and I don't know what to do ... he's constantly telling me how I'm running around with other men when I won't come over and just makes me feel completely like .. like I'm the one using him for money .. and or alcohol etc... last night we went out and he got very drunk .. long story short he did what he always does and threw shade at me and made me feel some type of way so I came back at him.. we argued and I left the casino .. then to find myself coming back .. to pick him up .. because I needed my stuff .. after he comes out the casino .. he expresses how it's my fault his hand is busted and my fault why he broke the machine .. so we head back to his house where it all gets worse .. the name calling and smart remarks don't stop so I put my hands on him and slap him to make it stop.. he then starts trying to force sex upon me and holding me down .. I finally get myself up and push him down.. he at this point has scratches and scars all over him .. I try to leave numerous times and he wouldn't let me he would push me away calling me a ... I finally get my oppourtunity to leave and he follows me to my car after five minutes .. begging and pleading me to come back .. dangling how he wants to be with me etc ... threatening to never talk to me again if I leave .. I leave and the next day rolls around .. he's texting me acting like the whole thing was my fault like always ... help .. I know this sounds stupid .. I feel trapped for some reason ): ... it's getting worse .. I'm scared next time .. there might not be a next time .. the mental and physical abuse is getting worse .. and the more time goes on he acts as if nothing ever happened and I'm the crazy one .. I'm falling apart at this point

I think, when people act like this, they make you feel so low that the only relief from the guilt would have to come from them so you just constantly seek it. Even if you clearly know its wrong. How you feel is understandable but you need to get away from him now now now now. If there are any ties you have to him, have friends (male friends) handle it. Tell everyone you trust that you are scared of him and what he has done. It seems like this is escalating so fast. He will end up raping you and hospitalizing you, or worse. It's harsh language but I think its good to see it laid out there. Please, please go to someone you trust and get away from him. Get mace. You're not crazy but its crazy to be around this man. You need to report him for domestic violence if it happens again. But don't let it.

 

 

Get away from him. As of now do not talk to him ever again. He's the definition of a psychopath and you are a plaything he looks down on. He has made you feel that you need his approval, like he is your savior waiting for you to deserve it. He's not. You deserve more, everyone does. Seriously get out.

he at this point has scratches and scars all over him

You're abusing him too though. I agree that you have to get away from him because the relationship is a self-esteem reducing, abusive quagmire of the two of you physically and emotionally trashing one another. He has more physical power then you do though so if you're scratching and slapping him then you've been very lucky so far that he hasn't physically torn you asunder.

 

There are help lines that you can call and get the guidance you need to break the cycle of you going back for more of the same dynamic. Here is a link that I hope you take advantage of. There are phone numbers near the bottom of the page that you can call to get you started. Hopefully they can introduce you to a therapist that will guide you into understanding why you are stuck in this cycle of abuse.

 

 

 

Do something that will get you off of the merry-go-round you are on with this man.

You're abusing him too though. I agree that you have to get away from him because the relationship is a self-esteem reducing, abusive quagmire of the two of you physically and emotionally trashing one another. He has more physical power then you do though so if you're scratching and slapping him then you've been very lucky so far that he hasn't physically torn you asunder.

 

There are help lines that you can call and get the guidance you need to break the cycle of you going back for more of the same dynamic. Here is a link that I hope you take advantage of. There are phone numbers near the bottom of the page that you can call to get you started. Hopefully they can introduce you to a therapist that will guide you into understanding why you are stuck in this cycle of abuse.

 

 

 

Do something that will get you off of the merry-go-round you are on with this man.

 

I know she slapped him, but it sounds like the scratches are from her trying to get away from him when he tried to rape her. Either way, this guy is an extremely abusive person and you need to get away from him. Please seek help from a local domestic abuse center or hotline in order to get advice on how to leave. This is a US national hotline: 1-800-799-7233.

I know she slapped him, but it sounds like the scratches are from her trying to get away from him when he tried to rape her. Either way, this guy is an extremely abusive person and you need to get away from him. Please seek help from a local domestic abuse center or hotline in order to get advice on how to leave. This is a US national hotline: 1-800-799-7233.

Well, I guess we will have to hear what Dora says if she returns. She did thank my post without correcting me though so we will see. Certainly, yes... they both need to get away from one another. I hope by this point she has utilized the links we have provided.

I'm so sorry I never said thank you.. I'm sorry I called the national hotline and got help but resulted back ... I'm sorry

By this point I have a problem and now I need deeper help

I'm so sorry I never said thank you.. I'm sorry I called the national hotline and got help but resulted back ... I'm sorry

 

Dora, can you explain what you mean by "but resulted back."

Back into the situation the negative relationship

Why do you insist on staying in this terrible situation with this guy? Leave him. You have the power to walk away, but you are not walking away.

Why do you insist on staying in this terrible situation with this guy? Leave him. You have the power to walk away, but you are not walking away.

 

He made me feel like he had control ... and it's no excuse but I felt powerless like I should stay around and everything was always my fault which made me feel even more like it was my fault so even more of an obligation

Well it's not. The only thing stopping you from leaving him tomorrow is yourself. You are actively keeping yourself in this situation.

Well it's not. The only thing stopping you from leaving him tomorrow is yourself. You are actively keeping yourself in this situation.

 

Yes your absolutely right ...

Yes your absolutely right ...

So move on, or actively keep yourself in a physically and emotionally violent situation. The choice is yours. Let me know if you decide to leave, and I can provide further advice.

Back into the situation the negative relationship

 

I think you should call the hotline again and tell them that you've been hoovered back in and you need help in getting yourself away from him. See what they can do for you. Talking to us here isn't enough to convince you to leave him I'm afraid.

I think you should call the hotline again and tell them that you've been hoovered back in and you need help in getting yourself away from him. See what they can do for you. Talking to us here isn't enough to convince you to leave him I'm afraid.

 

I really left him alone and went to the police to file a complaint .. I'm scared and this is all new to me ... I don't need him or want this life it's time to move on sad it took me too long

So move on, or actively keep yourself in a physically and emotionally violent situation. The choice is yours. Let me know if you decide to leave, and I can provide further advice.

 

I'm interested in further advice

Hi Dora,

 

I just saw this now. I'm happy you have made the decision to leave and find better. You deserve better.

 

I recommend you stay the course. No matter what... This is not the treatment you deserve. Additionally, if you have not blocked him yet, block him on everything. And I mean everything. Phone, social media, etc. He should have no way to contact you.

 

How did the report go?

I really left him alone and went to the police to file a complaint .. I'm scared and this is all new to me ... I don't need him or want this life it's time to move on sad it took me too long

Have you moved out, broken up with him then, Dora? If you have, are you with family or friends that can support you through this and help you to stay gone?