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Thread: Confused by new Girlfriend keeping me secret

  1. #1

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    Confused by new Girlfriend keeping me secret

    Hi all, Iíve never done this before... so please bare with me. Iíve been separated for nearly two years from my wife. She moved in immediately and is well settled with the kids and new life. I dated a few girls after and whilst had no problem with it, they just didnít end up working. Anyway... I was registered for online dating and came across my now girlfriend. This was 7 months ago. Like me she has been separated for a couple of years. Unfortunately the guy she was married to seems a nightmare, letís her daughter down regularly for visits and has never paid Maintenace. Now my GF is ok with this to the reasoning of its more important that her daughter doesnít think badly of her dad, and having a relationship with him is vital. I agree. However the problem/frustration I have is this, we both work full time, both have kids and busy lives- I knew this when we got together and thatís cool. We have an amazing time together, and txt daily. But I can oftern go weeks without seeing her, never spoke. To her on the phone and although her family know she is dating... donít know I exist. The reason she gives for the long periods of not seeing each other is that the kids dad has let her down again. Now I know that canít be helped- but she also wk t introduce me or consider it as she feels her daughter wonít cope well based on the fact that she doesnít see her dad. I can completely understand not rushing kids into things.. but I am left with a feeling that she only sees me when she needs something for herself. I have offered countless times to introduce her to my kids and family, but to no avail. Iím just left with a feeling that this isnít going anywhere and sheís not planning any future with me at all. Which is a real shame as I really love her. Am I right for feeling like I do, giving her more time to sort things or am I just chasing the impossible? I have told her how I feel and all she can say is she doesnít want to rush and canít promise anything

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    How can you expect her to introduce you to her child when your relationship is still a secret and the two of you are still married, though?I'd not take any man that wasn't completely divorced, seriously.

    I'd hazard a guess and say that you're just filler until she's actually divorced and then she'll be taking her dating life more seriously. If she has family then surely she can get a baby sitter so that she can see you more then she's allowing. Your gut is telling you something so listen to it.

    7 months of not seeing much of one another is too soon for you to be introducing her to your children as well. Make sure your partner and you are on the same committed relationship that is going to progress before you get them involved is my suggestion. You don't want women coming in and out of their lives.

  3. #3
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    With kids involved, and the fact that neither of you are divorced, this is understandable.

    As a mother myself, no way will I bring anyone around unless the relationship has a future.
    Right now, it seems she is not wanting anything serious.

    I think you can wait it out, if you want. However if it frustrates you, then let her go.
    Relationships aren't always about quantity, but quality.

  4. #4
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    You are still both married. Her kids come first.
    Yes, I think it is wise that she keep you totally away from her kids and family at this time.
    Offering to introduce her to your kids will not get an introduction in return.
    And I highly suggest you don't introduce anyone to your kids until well after you and their mother are actually divorced.

    nd sheís not planning any future with me at all

    how can a married person plan a future with a boyfriend?

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Chefboy82
    I have told her how I feel and all she can say is she doesnít want to rush and canít promise anything
    This says it all. 7 months is a long time. If you don't get the feeling that she's serious about you, which is what I see, you gotta end it. Your time on this earth is limited. You don't too much of it to waste on people who aren't serious about you.

  7. #6
    Bronze Member EternalOptimis's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Careerchoice
    This says it all. 7 months is a long time. If you don't get the feeling that she's serious about you, which is what I see, you gotta end it. Your time on this earth is limited. You don't too much of it to waste on people who aren't serious about you.
    ^^^^ Well said

    I disagree with others who say kids come first or she's not divorced yet as ways to suggest this is normal. It is not. My kids have never been the reason I keep someone at arms length for this long. I'd never introduce anyone to my kids before six months of serious dating and having no doubts about them(so you are impatient to offer that but I understand why). Kids, of course, come first but you have been together for 7 months and she has chosen not to spend more time getting to know you better. I also dated single mothers who's ex-husbands are completely unreliable. They still find baby-sitters, friends, family to watch the kids in order to spend time with their partner, if it's what they want.

    Doesn't sound like she's serious about you buddy. Sorry


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