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Thread: Breaking up

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Oct 2017
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    Breaking up

    I broke up with my girlfriend of almost 10 years, 6 weeks ago today. It started with an argument about going out with an old friend, when I really thought the time could be used more productively building a relationship with my son that had been struggling. I don't fault her for that because I didn't tell her outright my thoughts after she made the plans. We then didn't speak for 2 days. The next thing I know, it is the anniversary of my brother's death and I don't hear from her at all. At the end of the day, I called and broke up with her because I felt devastated that she would forget such a painful day to me. Apparently, she tried to call and said she left a message. She sent a screen shot of the 56sec attempt she made, but nothing more after that. She even admitted that it was odd she didn't hear from me and spoke to her sister about it - again instead of trying me again. So, since, I have been out of the picture. At week 3 I sent an email because I wanted her to understand why, which fell on deaf ears because, now she's the one that's hurt the most because I broke up with her and called her a liar. I did not call her any names or say anything disrespectful, I only said how much it hurt me. That was my last attempt and I haven't tried again in the past 3 weeks. Actually, that's not true, yesterday, I did send a brief I'm happy for your family text because her father received some very good news and she responded back very positively to me, but that was it.

    Some history though, last year at this time we had a similar break up. I chased her like crazy. I drove myself to be an anxious mess with calls, texts, and showing up at her home. I was out of my mind.We did end up back together and worked through several things, but still had areas that she just wouldn't change. I talked about these areas several times and I think she thought that because I chased her so hard, there was no need to follow through with the things we had discussed when we agreed to try again. This time, except for the email, I have had no contact. I love my girlfriend and I can want to make our lives together, but I don't have it in me this time to chase her. Do you think I am doing the right thing? Do you think she will realize what we had and fight for us or am I fighting a losing battle? Please an advice would be appreciated.

  2. #2
    Silver Member
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    on the anniversary of your brother's death why didnt you contact her? i never will understand why one has to contact the other and vice a versa.
    this went wrong for you both last year according to your post. you say there are still issues.
    now she is claiming to be the victim because you dumped her. let her be the victim and move on. by the sounds of things you will be a lot happier once you're through this initial break up stage than you have been with her for a long time
    good luck.
    Last edited by Knight2001; 10-31-2017 at 10:16 AM. Reason: mistake

  3. #3
    Gold Member
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    I think you handled this situation poorly and you owe her an apology. You felt upset because you didn't communicate with her properly and you didn't get the responses from her that you wanted...because you didn't communicate with her properly. In a lot of ways, this situation was of your own making. You were upset she went out with a friend, you didn't tell her. You were upset she didn't call, you didn't even ask her for an explanation and give her a chance to speak, you just went and dumped her. How could you do that to her after 10 years together? That's incredibly immature and you are projecting a lot of fault onto her that she did not deserve. You are in the wrong here. Were I in her position, I wouldn't be interested in having much to do with you..until or unless you acknowledge what you did.

    Also, forget your ego. If you want to be with someone, you ought to show them. You were not the one wronged here anyway, so you should do the apologising. You need not chase though. Just think things through, send her a genuine apology, and see if she responds. You can build things slowly, but I'm honestly not sure if you deserve to be taken back because I'm not sure how she could trust you unless you can acknowledge what you did was unfair. You sound like an unstable and unreliable partner and I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of this behaviour either

    What was the break up over last year, and why didn't you learn your lesson about pushing her away?

    How do you expect to build a future and have a loving relationship with someone if you don't believe/respect what they have to say, and punish them for your own bad feelings or because you read into their behaviour incorrectly?
    I think you are expecting her to be some unattainable idea of a perfect partner who can read your mind, and not accepting her for who she is as an individual with her own separate thoughts and feelings

  4. #4
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Totally agree with Glitterfingers. Very well put.

    You didn't communicate. You pitched a tantrum and then dumped her. It was completely unfair to her that you would act out like this after 10 years together. Now instead of acknowledging your wrong doing you think she should be chasing you? That's just not in the realm of reality. I would imagine that she is angry, shocked, and hurt. It's doubtful that chasing you in any way is on her mind. I know it wouldn't be on mine. I'd actually be very much done with a man who acts out like that.

    IF you really want her back, then I suggest that you actually apologize to her and talk to her like an adult. Not begging or pleading, but acknowledge your issues and more importantly work on them so they don't keep coming up over and over. She isn't the one wrecking this, you are and you need to stop. Also, don't assume that she will just fall swooning back into your arms the moment you apologize. The trust is broken on her end and you'll need to work on actually restoring that.

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