Suicidal over student loan debt

I've posted not too long ago about the fact that I've been struggling with depression and I resort to cutting in order to control it:

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Some back story... I received a Master's Degree in Law and I completely despise it. It was a career field chosen for me by my parents that no amount of arguing could get me out of. I didn't do well in my classes and now I can't even get a job vacuuming the floors of the most low rated unknown law firms. Teaching is also out of the question as even with a Master's I have no clue about Law. I was recently fired from my retail job and now I'm stuck working fast food with a huge 6 figure student loan debt while barely earning enough to pay rent. I've asked my parents for help but they've pretty much given up on me and left me to fend for myself.

I'm on the income based repayment plan but this loan is still ruining my life. My electricity was recently shut off, I can't keep friendships because of my depression, every man I meet gets chased away when he learns of my massive debt, and my dreams of having a house and a family are fading into obscurity. I'm 33 years old and I'm living the life of a high school teenager and everyday I wake up hoping someone would put me out of my misery. I've decided that I'll give myself just 6 more months to figure something out before I end it all. I have everything planned out and ready for when the day comes. However, I want to make sure I've tried everything before that day so I'll be satisfied that there is absolutely no hope for me and I'll finally be free from all of these burdens.

So that's why I'm here. Is there anyone out there that experienced a similar situation? What did you do to get out of it? Is there any hope left over the next 6 months or should I just spend these last few months enjoying what's left of my life and get these letters written so I'll be all set in 6 months?

Well, in general, it's tough finding a professional job. But having a degree in law does impress people. And you don't have to practice law to take advantage of that. Take a look here: / to give you an idea of the kinds of jobs to look for. Right now, you just need a steady job for about a year to improve your financial situation. If you put your mind to it, you can get through a year.

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I have a friend who graduated with a journalism degree and she couldn't find a job. She applied for telemarketing jobs in the paper and in very little time she became a top money earner just talking to people over the phone about the charity she was raising money for. With all the anti-Trump organizations around, these groups would be excited to hire a lawyer to help organize protests or get legislation passed. I'm looking at the list of jobs in Portland, OR (it you're in that Portland) and I'm seeing jobs at the FBI, jobs for Park Rangers (if you have a driver's license), a development coordinator at a law school, a contracts manager, etc.

Think outside the box. We had several lawyers in our company that did transcription while they were looking for better jobs. We always considered lawyers to be better educated and better read than the typical bachelors grad that walked in. And a lot of companies need someone of a lawyer's status just to write vendor agreements and other types of legalese for disclaimers. They may not be exciting jobs, but they can pay the rent ... and your student loans.

All is not lost yet. Try looking around a little more.

If you are in Portland, OR, the job market out there is crap. I guarantee you will have a great time applying to non-profits as counsel, grant writing, and it's altruistic to work for a non-profit group. They would eat you up. What about law did you dislike? You don't need to pass the bar or become a lawyer to use your law degree. I think it's time you work with a head hunter or temp agency to see what you might like. And Portland, OR, very sparse jobs.

Let me give you another perspective. How willing would you be to completely side-step your responsibilities and take a new shot in life? Maybe not a cool idea, but it beats suicide:

- Declare bankruptcy, get a passport, ticket, and move to another country that will take you in. Start things fresh.

Suicide is not worth it.... working as a slave is not worth it... really do try to exhaust all options before you do. You never know what life has in store for you.

A law degree doesn't mean you need to be lawyer. It's pretty much a blank slate to do whatever you wish. So what do you really want to do?

Also, if being an employee isn't working for you, then work for yourself. Start a business.

Be willing to work for a startup. Maybe being surrounded by high energy, creative, focused people will help you get out of the mental rut you are in and start seeing possibilities.

What about moving out of the area? Some parts of the country have a booming economy and jobs up the ying yang. I've seen many people in your situation simply pull up stakes, pack their car and just go and they actually succeed just because of the job market change from dead to will hire any warm body that walks through the door. Regardless, of whatever day job you can get your hands on, I'd consider starting your own business. You have the knowledge, find your passion.

If you passed the bar, your local bar association might be willing to give you free career counseling about alternatives to practicing law.

Azuresky, I am so sorry your parents forced you into this. That royally sucks. I'm probably close to twice your age (I'm 55), and I would never ever ever treat my children like that (I never had kids, but I'd never do that). That's awful.

People change career paths all the time. I did: the thing I was so excited about when I graduated from college was something that, as it turned out, I absolutely despised. I'd cry every Sunday because it meant an upcoming week of misery. I decided that I'd sweep floors or pack groceries before I went one more day. I quit a high salary, all the perks, and made 75% less money. I am happy to report that, through some twists and turns, I found myself in the career I'm in now, which is 180 degrees from where I started. My money is back up, my debt is all paid (yes I had a lot), and I am, fingers crossed, looking at a decent retirement in the coming years.

When I quit my career that I hated, people gave me such a hard time, and yes, even family. They could not believe I'd leave this "awesome", "amazing" career. You know what? Screw that. I couldn't take one more day without chewing my arms off.

Get some help, maybe in the form of therapy, or reaching out to friendships.

You are SO worth it.

And if it does get to that point, please please please promise me one thing.....that you'll call the suicide hotline first. K?

If you are in Portland, OR, the job market out there is crap.

^^^ This is so true.

I have a cousin in your age range who moved to Portland a few years ago with his fiancé, because of how "cool" it is as a city. You know what? They left within 2 years, as the job market was so awful. They are now in Colorado, loving life, with great jobs that they have passion for.

Have you thought about a move?

I want to make sure I've tried everything before that day so I'll be satisfied that there is absolutely no hope for me

If you attempt to prove a negative, you'll make it so. I'd rethink that and flip it, opting to make it my private goal to surprise everyone, including myself, with my resilience and ability to ascend in my attitudes and behaviors rather than drill myself a deeper hole to climb out of. Contact your school for two forms of counseling: job placement and mental health counseling.

I'd construct a resume that lists my grad school attendance dates rather than the word 'graduated' and make at least 3 appointments per week to visit area temp agencies. They each work with different companies, most of which have legal departments--although the nature of a role for temping doesn't matter. Most companies try before they buy with temps to learn about your soft skills, work ethic and whether you'd make a good personality fit, and then their doors are open for you to apply from within for jobs not published to the public.

If they like you, they will find a role for you, and it doesn't matter whether the work you take to get inside is at all related to your field of study OR any role for which you might make a good fit. I'd temp until I've found my best work culture, and I'd apply for permanent jobs with their HR department over time.

I've done this between jobs, and it's how I found the perfect place for me when changing careers. Your attitude and your energy matters, so work with a counselor at your school to address those. A fatalistic perspective will harm your opportunities, so it makes no sense to adopt that when you can opt instead to trust that life will teach you good things when you open your mind to them.

Head high, and write more if it helps.

Thank you so much for the information! Anything Law related is out of the question. I was very close to failing school multiple times but my father is well known at the school so I got a free pass. The problem is whenever a lot of these smaller businesses see my degree they automatically think I'll demand more money or won't stay around long enough. I might look into jobs for Park Rangers.

If you are in Portland, OR, the job market out there is crap. I guarantee you will have a great time applying to non-profits as counsel, grant writing, and it's altruistic to work for a non-profit group. They would eat you up. What about law did you dislike? You don't need to pass the bar or become a lawyer to use your law degree. I think it's time you work with a head hunter or temp agency to see what you might like. And Portland, OR, very sparse jobs.

I REALLY don't want to become a lawyer. I find it boring, I don't understand any of it, and I really don't do well under pressure. It was through my father's connections that I got a free pass through school even though my professors told me many times that law was not for me. ( I agreed with them so I did not get upset.) I did work with a temp agency but they just got me 1 job for 2 weeks and I haven't heard from them since. I really don't think there's any hope for me at this point.

Declaring bankruptcy won't get rid of my student loan debt. I would love to run away from here but I don't know any other languages and I don't know how to start a new life in a strange country. In fact, I just moved to a new state and I'm barely making it. I really love living in Oregon but with my problems always in the back of my mind, the depression is always going to be there. I really don't see any other way out.

Let me give you another perspective. How willing would you be to completely side-step your responsibilities and take a new shot in life? Maybe not a cool idea, but it beats suicide:

 

- Declare bankruptcy, get a passport, ticket, and move to another country that will take you in. Start things fresh.

 

Suicide is not worth it.... working as a slave is not worth it... really do try to exhaust all options before you do. You never know what life has in store for you.

I only got through school because my father is well known there and I pretty much got a free pass with all of my classes regardless of how badly I've done. Any other student would have flunked out of school if they did as poorly as I did. I don't know how to look for a start up. Do you have any suggestions for that?

I just moved to Oregon mostly to get away from my controlling family. I really love it here but I can't seem to make a good life for myself and I'm tired of being miserable. I've thought about starting my own business but I have nothing to offer. I'm not smart, I have no talent, and I really haven't found a passion yet.

I only got through school because my father is well known there and I pretty much got a free pass with all of my classes regardless of how badly I've done. Any other student would have flunked out of school if they did as poorly as I did. I don't know how to look for a start up. Do you have any suggestions for that?

 

I just moved to Oregon mostly to get away from my controlling family. I really love it here but I can't seem to make a good life for myself and I'm tired of being miserable. I've thought about starting my own business but I have nothing to offer. I'm not smart, I have no talent, and I really haven't found a passion yet.

Your family has been telling you for a long time who to be and how to live. So now that you are finally away from them, don't expect instant success in terms of knowing what you want and who you are and what you are actually good at. So cut yourself some slack and yes, assume that you will be struggling for awhile and that's OK. People are in the same boat all around you.

You've got some baggage to deal with and the hardest part is going to be turning your thinking around from what you can't to what you can and, more importantly, start figuring out what you like. It will take some trial and error, btw, and again, that's normal and to be expected.

Starting your own business, you don't need to be smart, you don't need talent, and to be frank, you don't need passion either. All you really need is a clear idea of what you want to do and be willing to work like crazy to make it happen for you. Don't think million dollar tech start ups, think more practical - the local bake shop type or sell second hand stuff online. Think smaller and more pragmatic and teach yourself how to. If you don't have even the slightest idea, then look up SBA (small business administration) in your area they have chapters and they do seminars for people like yourself on how to start a business, what you need, basics and baby steps. You'll also meet others there on the same path as you. Go to meetup.com and join professional networking groups and go to the meetings regularly. Get to know people there and let them get to know you. Do not show your can't do attitude and make a point of showing "can and will do anything" attitude. Mean it. Be honest and tell people that you are looking for work, not legal, entry level, that you want to change careers right out of the gate and are willing to pay the dues to get your foot in the door. Pay attention to what all people are doing there for a living. Many professional networking groups are filled with business owners - see if gives you some ideas. See if you can find a mentor to help you and give you some practical advice. It will take time and perseverance, but you've got to get your mind onto a goal and away from "well I just can't".....I guarantee you that you dang well can.

What kind of work would you like to be doing?

Portland is very expensive, and can be depressing if you're not used to the constant rain.

I'd call the student loan lender, and tell them your current salary. Since you're working in fast food, it's likely that you are under the income level for repayment - I think that's set at around 30k, but I'm not sure. Even if you're over the income threshold, you could as for forbearance while you job hunt. Interest still accrues, so be very careful with this option. Still, it might help until you find a job that supports you.

I'm not smart, I have no talent

As far as your student loan debt, I checked this out here:

Which part of the The Undue Hardship Exception do you fail to meet?

As far as your student loan debt, I checked this out here:

 

Which part of the The Undue Hardship Exception do you fail to meet?

This is definitely something you should look into, OP. Sit down with an attorney who specializes in this kind of thing. Many offer free consultations. While difficult, it's not impossible to get student loans discharged in bankruptcy.