Went on a couple dates with a guy and didn't work out

Hi all,

I met this guy on a gay dating app. We had our first date at a Japanese restaurant. Before I met him in person he said that if we hit it off then we can go to his place afterwards to watch a movie. I felt that he was someone who really liked me and cared about, the same way I felt about him.

After we hit it off with our first date, we went over to his place and listened to some music, such as Taylor Swift and other artists. It turns out to be very ironic that he literally had the exact same taste in music as me, which is very rare to find since most others don't like my type of music. We sat on his couch and continued to talk while listening to music. As he sat closer and closer to me, I put my arm around him and it then lead to us making out that night and cuddled on his couch (no sex though the first night). Then, I had to leave his place though since I had college in the morning and he had work the next morning too.

We continued to text each other after that night. About two nights after the first day seeing him, he said he would help me with my homework if I am struggling since he is very good at math. He told me to Skype him and he spent over an hour helping me to make sure I understand the material.

I saw him in person again three days later (since the other days I was busy with school, work) but I had work until 8 pm that day so I went over to his place afterwards. We did watch a movie and then we cuddled in his bed afterwards, which then lead to us having oral sex. I truly enjoyed it.

The 3rd day I saw him was about a couple days later. I had online homework due by 12 am on I think a Wednesday night? He wanted me to come over to his place when I get off work so he can help me with homework again. He spent a total of 3 hours helping me! No joke. I told him I can never thank him enough for going out of his way to help me! Then I kissed him went straight home afterwards (since I had school in the morning) and then that lead to seeing him a fourth time 2 days later.

On the last day that I saw him, as usual I went to his place and we walked a couple of blocks so he can stop by the grocery store for some things and we went to go get dinner. We brought our dinner back to his place and ate there while we watched Netflix. After we were done with Netflix we of course went to his bed and cuddled, made out, and gave each other oral. While we were cuddling together, he sits up (and of course I am wondering what he's doing).

Then he says: "(my name), I have something to tell you."

Then I responded: "Yes, what's up?"

Then he says: "(my name), I know you are look for a relationship. However, I just wanted to let you know that I am not emotionally ready for a relationship because I had a bad relationship in May of this year. So I just don't want to give you the wrong impression. I am not ready this year, but will be next year."

Then I said: "(his name), that's okay and I completely understand that. I only appreciate honesty and there is nothing wrong with that. What happened with your last relationship?"

Then he says: ".........he's a terrible person and I had to support him."

He said other things but can't remember everything. However he didn't go into detail of what happened and I didn't expect him to since it's personal. I just wanted to say to him:

"Well (his name), just so you know dude I am not the type of guy that is looking for a guy to support me financially. As you can see I work full time and go to school full time."

I didn't say that to him though because I thought that he would take that comment as if I were trying to manipulate or suck him into having a relationship with me. That is not true though I just wanted to tell him that to make sure he understands that I am not that kind of guy (but again didn't say it).

Then I said: "I am so sorry about that and get where you are coming from. I felt all last year I couldn't date either since I was going through a very traumatic event. Did you want to at least be friends?"

Then he says: "yes to be friends and I will still help you with math."

I did not show any sad emotion at all when he told me what I said he did. Instead I just showed appreciation and politely said thank you for telling me that stuff. I wasn't feeling that sad since I felt that I could still have faith in having a future relationship with him. However, I felt that I shouldn't talk to him as it wouldn't really feel right (even though he offered to still help me with my math hw). Plus, if I still talked to him I felt that he may think that I am just trying to use him to help me which again is not true and I am not a user to anyone.

I left his place the last night and kissed him, texted him after to let him know that I got home safely and didn't text him again.

I felt the whole time when I was seeing him that he really cared about me since he always took his time and went out of his way to help me. I also was always nice to him and I was told him he's sweet, gorgeous, there's no one like him out there, etc.

I continued to have faith in him for the past 4 weeks and it was weird and sketchy to me that he still liked someone of my Facebook posts. I had faith until last week I noticed on Facebook that he posted that he is in a relationship with someone else (only 29 days after he called it off with me). It just totally made my body ache and broke me down. I was entirely sad that whole day. I was also mad since I realized that he probably lied to me about not being ready for a relationship, when most likely he may have been seeing that same guy while he was seeing me but decided that he likes him better than me. I am still sad about this but am starting to feel less sad.

Should I just give up on him? Because I hear stories all the time where a guy who rejects one guy comes back to the one he rejected.

Also, since a lot of people say I am too nice and there aren't many people like me out there, I am assuming that is a factor to why it seems that guys don't want a relationship with me. I wanted advice if me being too kind is bad for gay romantic relationships. If being too nice isn't good then I want advice on how to not be too nice.

P.S. I am 22 years old and the guy who I saw for a bit is 28.

He's after something casual, and you got physical too quickly. I'd distance myself bc he's wasting your time.

Going to my place to watch a movie/listen to music is most of the time signaling sex.

I see what you're saying. But I know many of my lesbian/gay friends who got more physical than me on the 1st or 2nd time seeing each other (mine was 2nd time seeing each other) and they are still together and have the best romantic relationships. So I don't believe that was why he called things off since my I mentioned what my other friends did similar to me. I assume he just wanted to get physical with me but have a relationship with someone else. But my question is why someone else? Because whenever I like a guy, I always am after a relationship and I don't just want sex from one person but a relationship with another. It's either I like a guy as a boyfriend or neither. I won't have just sex with one guy and not a relationship. If I would have known he didn't want a relationship then I would not have given it to him.

Not sure how old you are but you seem very naive. Next time get to know someone and clarify their intentions before getting physical. You can't assume that sex would mean they're obligated to make it a 'thing.'