Anyway I can motivate myself?

Motivation is something I have struggled w/for a long time, I have been searching endlessly for that one activity/hobby that'll kick start my motivation. At the moment I work part time, I still live at home, but contribute to the household (I live in one of the most expensive cities). Recently I joined the gym and I'm getting myself to go there a little more. Messiness has always been a part of me and I'm trying to kick the habit, pretty much clutter mess, not hoarding or unhygienic living conditions. My mom always tells me I'm screwed when I move out my own and I always worry about that. Depression could maybe be the cause of this, I'm always tired, but also don't eat very well. I can go for a long period of time w/out eating and I struggle to finish meals. Should I talk to a professional?

You don't need professional. You need yourself to sort out your mess!

You have to learn how to solve the problems.

You don't have to call a professional for each time ! for small problems!

First of all, congratulations on wanting to live the best life possible. Yes, you should see a professional. Get evaluated for ADHD. A lot of people don't get diagnosed as children unless they are being disruptive to the adult lives around them. I have ADHD and I struggled through life unnecessarily for over 40 years because I was undiagnosed. I finally got my diagnosis this year and my life became so much better within hours of being on the right medication.

Many people with ADHD struggle to remain motivated, unless they are absolutely passionate about what they are doing. Many people with ADHD are also messy and disorganized. It is extremely common for people with ADHD to have EDD (Excessive Daytime Sleepiness). Also, it is very easy for people with undiagnosed ADHD to fall into depression because the symptoms of the disorder are treated like character flaws by many neurotypical people. Are you going without eating because you are easily distracted by things going on around you and simply forget to eat?

There are tons of articles about adult ADHD. There are free self-assessment quizzes you can take online. Do your research. Get an evaluation by someone who specializes in adult ADHD. The disorder looks very different in adults because people who were undiagnosed as children tend to have developed really excellent coping mechanism that masked the disorder from teachers, doctors, and parents. Unfortunately, it becomes more difficult to mask symptoms as adult responsibilities increase.

Sadly, while ADHD is over diagnosed in children, it is severely underdiagnosed in adults. This results in a lot of people feeling really bad about themselves, not living up to their full potential, and being treated pretty unsympathetically by others, especially parents.

Don't let the medications scare you away from getting an evaluation. ADHD treatment is so much more than the meds. It involves a ton of lifestyle hacks, changes in diet, life coaching, etc. Exercise is extremely therapeutic for people with ADHD.

Of course, you might not have ADHD. It might be something else. This is why an evaluation by a mental health professional and not a general practitioner is so important. It's clear from your post that you suspect that something isn't quite right. Trust yourself and see a professional.

First of all, congratulations on wanting to live the best life possible. Yes, you should see a professional. Get evaluated for ADHD. A lot of people don't get diagnosed as children unless they are being disruptive to the adult lives around them. I have ADHD and I struggled through life unnecessarily for over 40 years because I was undiagnosed. I finally got my diagnosis this year and my life became so much better within hours of being on the right medication.

 

Many people with ADHD struggle to remain motivated, unless they are absolutely passionate about what they are doing. Many people with ADHD are also messy and disorganized. It is extremely common for people with ADHD to have EDD (Excessive Daytime Sleepiness). Also, it is very easy for people with undiagnosed ADHD to fall into depression because the symptoms of the disorder are treated like character flaws by many neurotypical people. Are you going without eating because you are easily distracted by things going on around you and simply forget to eat?

 

There are tons of articles about adult ADHD. There are free self-assessment quizzes you can take online. Do your research. Get an evaluation by someone who specializes in adult ADHD. The disorder looks very different in adults because people who were undiagnosed as children tend to have developed really excellent coping mechanism that masked the disorder from teachers, doctors, and parents. Unfortunately, it becomes more difficult to mask symptoms as adult responsibilities increase.

 

Sadly, while ADHD is over diagnosed in children, it is severely underdiagnosed in adults. This results in a lot of people feeling really bad about themselves, not living up to their full potential, and being treated pretty unsympathetically by others, especially parents.

 

Don't let the medications scare you away from getting an evaluation. ADHD treatment is so much more than the meds. It involves a ton of lifestyle hacks, changes in diet, life coaching, etc. Exercise is extremely therapeutic for people with ADHD.

 

Of course, you might not have ADHD. It might be something else. This is why an evaluation by a mental health professional and not a general practitioner is so important. It's clear from your post that you suspect that something isn't quite right. Trust yourself and see a professional.

Thank you for your answer, yeah I feel judged by my parents for sure. I am not trying to make excuses for myself, but I know its not laziness, as when I do get motivated, I get a lot done. W/eating sometimes I forget to eat or just plain not want to eat. Def does not help when people close to me say that I don't want to go out, just sit at home, when in reality if I have a fun event, party or other get together, I'm there 100%. There is a constant feeling of utter failure on my part esp since I'm so tired after my part time job. I feel terrible that I'm not that type of "adventurous person" like a lot of other people are.

Motivation is tricky. Making a lifestyle change is often something that can be done with a bouquet of different approaches implemented together with dedication, and hopefully some of them works. If you struggle with depression, you're always tired and have trouble eating properly, talking to a professional is not a bad idea at all! It may put you a lot forward, add a significant change to that bouquet, though a lot of work has to be done by yourself, on a daily basis.

Aside from a therapist, you should have other people to support you in what you want to achieve. Try to work on a relationship with your parents - it's surprising but many parents still can learn and change their attitude to adult children. If you keep gently explaining what is going on with you, and how they can support you the most effectively if they want to, there's a chance they can make more positive communication. But family is always family, and it's important to have friends who won't judge you but accept you for who you are and support you in your goals. Try to create that supporting environment - it will make things easier.

Mostly, you should be the one not judging or criticising yourself for your very human shortcomings (everybody has some), but support yourself. Self-acceptance is a friend of motivation. This is harder to implement in life, especially for overthinkers, because how can you accept yourself yet fuel that drive for changing bad habits? It's sort of like lying awake on a sleepless night trying to trick yourself to relax and fall asleep, but you can't trick yourself, cause you're the same person. So I guess it can't be faked. You can't accept yourself just as a trick to get yourself motivated. You need to genuinely love yourself. Cause at the end of the day, you matter, and you're more important than your expectations. Actually, very few people who work are the "adventurous person" you think they are, you just get to see them in their glory, while most of their days is probably like yours. It definitely shouldn't make you feel like an utter failure.

So try to think about things you're doing good. You have a part-time job, which is great, even if it makes you tired. But a lot of people are tired after job.

Also, you say "I have been searching endlessly for that one activity/hobby that'll kick start my motivation". Well insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. If you tried and tried this approach, it means there's no "the one hobby" that will make you passionate, dedicated, bursting with energy. So you need some other approach. I don't know which one. Maybe you could work with a life coach to think of some strategies that would work for you? Again, maybe the first few ones won't be effective, but you have to try things. Maybe you already have some things in life that you are passionate about? Or some dreams that you would like to do but lack energy? Write them down, and then think of realistic ways to do more of them every week - maybe start with 1 hour a week, if you have low energy level after work. Maybe it would help if you did something in an organized way, with other people or in some club? That way you have a date set. Think of possible problems and what could be done differently to avoid them. But start small, concentrate on what you do well, instead of perceiving everything as a failure. If you're not good to yourself, even if you were living your dream life you'd still not be happy, cause you'd be bringing yourself down for some imperfections that everybody has. So definitely start with your self-esteem Good luck!

I am doing great, but I still talk to a professional. It keeps me honest and constantly improving myself.

That said, I think your mom is putting the wrong idea in your head. When you take personal ownership of something, you'll realize you'll take more pride in it... Keeping it clean, etc. It's easy to not clean when you're not the only one responsible for that thing. Does that make sense?

As for the hobby, I recently joined ballroom dance, and I'm loving it. You'll find that thing you're searching for... Maybe it's as simple as answering the question: what do you enjoy doing?

I think you’re trying to tackle too much at once and overwhelming yourself so you do nothing. Pick one thing and take baby steps. And write them down so you can have a list you check off - they can be very satisfying and rewarding. I’d do fitness first because it feel so good to work out even for 20 minute - even if you do a ten minute brisk walk and drink at least two glasses of water. Also I’d look into a volunteer job so they you're busier doing work even if you’re only doing paid work part time for now. And keep in mind that food is mood. Good luck!!

I think you’re trying to tackle too much at once and overwhelming yourself so you do nothing. Pick one thing and take baby steps. And write them down so you can have a list you check off - they can be very satisfying and rewarding. I’d do fitness first because it feel so good to work out even for 20 minute - even if you do a ten minute brisk walk and drink at least two glasses of water. Also I’d look into a volunteer job so they you're busier doing work even if you’re only doing paid work part time for now. And keep in mind that food is mood. Good luck!!

I am going to do fitness 1st for sure, that's my baby step. I have looked into volunteering and over the years before I had a paying job, I volunteered at a couple places for years at a time. I tried to join 2 places to volunteer, but my heart wasn't in it at all, def wasn't laziness, I felt like the fit wasn't right.

Good for you!

Motivation is something I have struggled w/for a long time, I have been searching endlessly for that one activity/hobby that'll kick start my motivation. At the moment I work part time, I still live at home, but contribute to the household (I live in one of the most expensive cities). Recently I joined the gym and I'm getting myself to go there a little more. Messiness has always been a part of me and I'm trying to kick the habit, pretty much clutter mess, not hoarding or unhygienic living conditions. My mom always tells me I'm screwed when I move out my own and I always worry about that. Depression could maybe be the cause of this, I'm always tired, but also don't eat very well. I can go for a long period of time w/out eating and I struggle to finish meals. Should I talk to a professional?

I don't think you should talk to a professional.

Why don't you start with being more grateful for the meals when you're struggling with finishing it? Think of others who are struggling to get just a meal for the day, and you had it already.

If you want to start or kick a habit, try to just start it, and do it on daily basis (or several days in a week).

I was on the same shoes some months ago, but now I am on the way to fixing it and happy enough with my progress.