My girlfriend has pretty bad personal hygiene - how best to help her?

[charity]

cultural thing .....

dont you bl00dy yanks be thinking I don't shower

Ha ha I agree with Pippy. I'm Irish and have family who are English. We are all working class and no one showers only once a week! The only person I ever met who didn't brush their teeth daily was severely depressed.

OP I understand that you care for her and I think you are tolerant to the extreme.
I personally would not be so tolerant and don't think you are doing her any favours but I understand you don't want to hurt her or lose her.

I don't know....I couldn't be with someone who is dirty like that. In my opinion, it is not acceptable at all.

But it seems that to you...it is?

[Helpmesavethis]

I would just come out and tell her, especially if you're as close as you claim. My ex and I had no problem telling each other to go brush our teeth for bad breath or that we had BO, etc. It was always done in a joking way but we told each other and each respected the other and would do as wished. We're highly active and at the end of the day sometimes didn't want to shower or whatever and would for each other or together even especially when pointed out. . So I say just tell her but be nice about it. And buy it for her if it is a money thing.

[LHGirl]

Two words: Tell Her.

You will just have to sit her down and have an honest, heart-to-heart with her.

Tell her pretty much exactly what you told us: that she needs to shower more. She needs to brush her teeth twice a DAY, not twice a week. Etc., etc.

This is a deal breaker for me.

No hygiene = no more me.

[pippy longstocking]

Ha ha I agree with Pippy. I'm Irish and have family who are English. We are all working class and no one showers only once a week! The only person I ever met who didn't brush their teeth daily was severely depressed.

OP I understand that you care for her and I think you are tolerant to the extreme.
I personally would not be so tolerant and don't think you are doing her any favours but I understand you don't want to hurt her or lose her.

I don't know....I couldn't be with someone who is dirty like that. In my opinion, it is not acceptable at all.

But it seems that to you...it is?

and making excuses ...charity we know fine well , the asda , sainsburys etc all do their own no frills toothpaste for about 32 p , shower gel for 50 p , deodorant for 87p ...yes they are not top notch .. but it does the job if you are really skint .

The whole family will be getting free dental care ...this is not about poverty or because she is a brit .. and I can't believe op you would let people think we live like that .

[charity]

and making excuses ...charity we know fine well , the asda , sainsburys etc all do their own no frills toothpaste for about 32 p , shower gel for 50 p , deodorant for 87p ...yes they are not top notch .. but it does the job if you are really skint .

The whole family will be getting free dental care ...this is not about poverty or because she is a brit .. and I can't believe op you would let people think we live like that .

I think the OP perhaps doesn't have much experience with working class people? And the girl he is dating has used her poverty to explain her habits so he thinks that all working class or poorer people are like this. They are not!!!. This girl is an extreme case, certainly one I've never come across before.

[pippy longstocking]

I think the OP perhaps doesn't have much experience with working class people? And the girl he is dating has used her poverty to explain her habits so he thinks that all working class or poorer people are like this. They are not!!!. This girl is an extreme case, certainly one I've never come across before.

yeah , fair enough ...

I have come across dirty families before , in passing ..... but that was upbringing not poverty / class .... if parents are like that , the kids are like that , the chain doesn't end

[RomanticFool]

I didn't mean to make out most working class English people live like that, they absolutely don't. But it's like you've pointed out, if the parents are like that, the kids are like that - it's a self perpetuating cycle.
I absolutely get that it's not predominantly a poverty thing, there's a big element of it being her own fault, and that of her mum for not bringing her up properly. I just don't like judging her for that.

I'll have a proper chat with her and make it clear she needs to sort it out, it's just finding a way not to hurt her too badly by telling her other people think of her like this.

[Helpmesavethis]

I didn't mean to make out most working class English people live like that, they absolutely don't. But it's like you've pointed out, if the parents are like that, the kids are like that - it's a self perpetuating cycle.
I absolutely get that it's not predominantly a poverty thing, there's a big element of it being her own fault, and that of her mum for not bringing her up properly. I just don't like judging her for that.

I'll have a proper chat with her and make it clear she needs to sort it out, it's just finding a way not to hurt her too badly by telling her other people think of her like this.

I wouldn't tell her about "us". That would likely hurt her more. Just be open and honest with her about how YOU feel about it...

[RomanticFool]

No, I won’t, that wasn’t what I was getting at. I was trying to say, I’ll approach it from the point of view of being concerned about her, and being concerned about what people might think of her and how that might affect her life.

[pippy longstocking]

No, I won’t, that wasn’t what I was getting at. I was trying to say, I’ll approach it from the point of view of being concerned about her, and being concerned about what people might think of her and how that might affect her life.

^^^^ This is so important .... I worked a long time ago with a girl , lovely girl , but she smelt .. She had to be taken to one side and it had to be said to her ..I imagine she felt truly terrible , I know the person telling her didn't feel too great .

I have also worked in a place were we got regular customers and one of them stunk to high heaven ..he had to be told ...

You love her ..the rest of the society doesn't and she is vulnerable to bullying , being disrespected , humiliated , losing friends , gossiped about ... You are both young , but you seem very serious , I know it is in the future , but if it is the case that you live together and have children , how will she bring those children up , I dont imagine she would keep a house particularly sweet if she cannot tend to herself . The knock on effect is huge .

I know this is jumping ahead ten years and ultimately it is her choice how to live , and the worrying thing is , she has already shown she knows and doesn't care ...it might be that you can't change this situation , but I would certainly lay a few facts out for her as kindly as you can .