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Thread: My girlfriend has pretty bad personal hygiene - how best to help her?

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by RomanticFool
    I think it’s the cultural background she’s from, in part. You guys all seem to be Americans, we’re English, and in the English working classes in very poor areas there is this idea that showering only once a week is enough. A lot of my girlfriend’s friends are fairly similar, although most of them aren’t as bad.

    Anyway, I guess I’ll have to have a chat with her at some point about it, but you could be right.
    ??? I don't think this is valid unless we are talking about teenagers.

    I don't want to be indiscreet but how do you have sex? Is it possible?

  2. #12
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    We are teenagers, I’m 18 and she’s 17 (18 in a few weeks).
    And yes, we do have sex, it isn’t that bad. I just try to ignore it really and focus on enjoying being with her. She’s great in bed and a really beautiful young woman, she’d just be so much better if she kept herself clean.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by RomanticFool
    I think it’s the cultural background she’s from, in part. You guys all seem to be Americans, we’re English, and in the English working classes in very poor areas there is this idea that showering only once a week is enough. (Although obviously a lot of working class people are nothing like that.) A lot of my girlfriend’s friends are fairly similar, although most of them aren’t as bad.

    Anyway, I guess I’ll have to have a chat with her at some point about it, but you could be right.
    I am not American but I am Canadian. My husband’s family is English( they are 85 and still remember “ class” society, which is why they moved to Canada in 1959. ) but is that still a big issue?

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    More than you’d suppose. Just as American society puts quite a lot of importance on race, British society puts the same importance on social class. And for some working class people their families have always been in that position, and don’t really have any aspiration to get out of it.
    My girlfriend isn’t really like that, she wants to get herself into a better position in life, but of course her hygiene would hold her back from doing that.
    Hopefully, she might raise her game a bit and start taking care of herself better in the future, especially if she gets away from such a poor environment. She has actually said to me in the past that there’s not much point her keeping clean now, because her friends don’t really care and it doesn’t affect her much, so she might as well save the money. Of course, I suspect some of them do care really, but there we are.

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  6. #15
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    Part of it may be upbringing. Not because of poverty, but because she wasn't taught some basic life skills and health information within her family and schooling.

    Just be honest and present it in a factual way. Show her a health book if need be.

    It's insulting to say , it's due to poverty, as there are those living in poverty who do teach their children well and who emphasize cleanliness and hygiene. Soap is dirt cheap. So is toothpaste.

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    Poverty is only a minor part of it. And obviously some poor families are much better than others. But being poor is what puts her in that position in the first place, I’d say.

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    Be blunt. Your B.O. and bad breath are a turnoff. I would appreciate it if you would please brush twice daily and shower and use deodorant at least every other day. And if she's THAT poor that she can't afford a bar of soap, shampoo, roll-on, toothbrush and toothpaste (don't you have dollar store equivalents in the UK? I mean, seriously, it's 5 bucks a month, tops) then I'd wrap those up in a bow too.

    I mean, if there's a way to say it nicer than that and have it work, fine, but only if it gets results. Sometimes you have to risk offending to avoid being offended. And make no mistake, your eyes, nose, and mouth are being offended by her on a daily basis.

    I would not be able to tolerate this and I would never have gotten into a relationship with someone like that in the first place. Disgusting.
    Last edited by Unreasonable; 10-27-2017 at 02:27 PM.

  9. #18
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    I'm sorry, but I would be direct: she needs to clean herself. Period.

    Her lack of hygiene is going to affect her much more in the future. Who would want to hire someone who doesn't keep themselves clean and presentable? Her lack of dental care could result in much more costly dental work in the future, or even irreversible damage if she lets her teeth decay to the point of needing to be extracted.

    Offer to help her cover the cost of hygiene products if that's the issue, but I would not be able to stomach this. Not showering or grooming fastidiously is one thing. Lacking even basic cleanliness is a health hazard and huge turn-off.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by RomanticFool
    I think it’s the cultural background she’s from, in part. You guys all seem to be Americans, we’re English, and in the English working classes in very poor areas there is this idea that showering only once a week is enough. (Although obviously a lot of working class people are nothing like that.) A lot of my girlfriend’s friends are fairly similar, although most of them aren’t as bad.

    Anyway, I guess I’ll have to have a chat with her at some point about it, but you could be right.
    Now hold the feckin bus mate ..I am English and grew up in Hull with not a penny to scratch our arses with ....It costs pence to stand at a sink and wash your fanny and brush your teeth , don't dare bring the brits into this !!

    It is not 1945 and none of us only shower once a week .

  11. #20
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    cultural thing .....

    dont you bl00dy yanks be thinking I don't shower

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