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Thread: Lack of sleep and over active mind

  1. #1
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    Lack of sleep and over active mind

    Hi folks.

    After a recent break up that has been discussed here already, I am in need of some help regarding sleep. Certain times of the day seem to be when my mind goes in to mega overdrive regarding what I should have done, what she is doing with new girlfriend, things I shouldnt have said, things I should have said, things that she said that have led me to question who i am, will we ever speak again etc.

    I don't want answers to the qestions because I know they are not worthwhile. I want to know how I can change this way of thinking. It is always first thing when I wake up and then while I am lying awaiting falling asleep. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

  2. #2
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    I can understand, have gone through this.
    Firstly, get yourself physically exhausted like working all day plus going to the gym or for running or playing any sports. And before hitting the bed do meditation, let all the thoughts cross your mind while breathing deeply.
    Vent away here on ENA. Anything, everything!
    And lastly, TIME! Give it a time, and with time everything will be fine. Time will heal all the wounds.
    All the best.

  3. #3
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    Go to your doctor and explain that you're having a hard time. Ask for melatonin supplements if they're willing to prescribe them - natural and non-addictive sleep cycle aid

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
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    MeeB, I am so sorry you are going through this.
    I think you are already on a good track. First, you know that this can change and you are looking for an answer. We can indeed re-wire our brain to think differently.
    You can start by not answering them. Don't engage with them. Just let them be there. This is very hard to do, so don't get discouraged. You will see results, I promise, just be patient and persistent. When we ignore something, the brain just stops bringing it up. Each thought for you is like a red flag. Once your brain sees a red flag it goes into over drive to try to solve it because it sees danger. By ignoring it and relabeling it, you basically train your brain that this is no danger and it can finally sleep. This is actually a technique I read about and followed called 4 steps. I found it in an OCD forum, but the main concept is used for anxiety too. This will give you more details:


    Also, you can try to physically exhaust yourself so you can fall to sleep faster for obvious reasons. Start working out more, pick up a sport, do chores more vigorously, you know the drill.

    Again, this is hard work, but it does have results and they last!

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  6. #5
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    Thank you for your positive responses!

    I am off work at the moment as I just wasnt dealing well with things at all. I go back on Monday and that is causing me a little bit of panic I suppose. I have a lot of hangups of the things my ex has said about me and to me. She has moved on extremely quickly and I have found it very difficult that I have been so replaceable after supporting her through some extremely difficult times (post breakup as well). It's as if she has been able to skip off into the sunset and I have been left a mess. When actually, I have a huge amount of positivity in my life, however I appear to be focusing on this past negativity. My ex has a lot of things going on and I was blamed for a lot of her upset because I identified there were some things that may need facing head on. I therefore have huge feelings of guilt as well which are very heavy feelings to carry!

    I have been surrounding myself with friends and that has been good and keeping myself busy. Those difficult times though are still at night time and first thing in the morning. I like the explanation you gave Cope around ignoring - that makes a lot of sense.

    I have been prescribed some sleep aid however I get a bit nervous to take it too often as I don't want to rely on it.

    When I return to work, I intend on starting running again in the evenings. Finish work, get home, have food, TV/read, run, shower, bed. I'm hoping the idea of a routine will help.

    A friend told me to really surround myself with being busy and with positivity, he said when I get 'fed-up' of people, I will know I am ready and able to spend time with my thoughts again in a healthy way.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MeeB
    A friend told me to really surround myself with being busy and with positivity, he said when I get 'fed-up' of people, I will know I am ready and able to spend time with my thoughts again in a healthy way.
    Your friend is very wise and there is a lot of truth in that.

    Getting back to being busy in terms or work, running after work, etc is a great idea. However, a monotonous routine where you are spending a lot of your after work time solo can have an opposite effect in the long run and drive you into depression. Make room for people and fun. Join meetup.com and find some fun social/hobby/sports groups to do all kinds of random things around town with. Go out with existing friends more as well.

    Personally when my mind is racing, I find that listening to stand up comedy helps. It distracts my mind from stress and makes me change gears to where I can relax, lift my mood and actually fall asleep in peace.

  8. #7
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    I have been surrounding myself with friends constantly, and do indeed have some new ones too! I have also started a couple of new hobbies, so I'm hoping that doing some running as well will give me a medium between socialising, keeping physically healthy and getting back to some normality in terms of enjoying my own company (which I always have!).

    Great advice on watching comedy! Going to bed with funny thoughts is a great idea!

    I went in to work today to drop in a sick note from my doctor. My ex and I met through work ajd I was terrified at the prospect of going into work, not because I'd see her (She told me she had resigned however I have been informed she actually hasnt..) but because of what other people would think of me and think I was a bit of a fool. No idea why they would, just my thinking. I saw one of my friends...she was incredibly reassuring, told me some interesting things and offered to walk into work with me when I go back on Monday!

    There are kind people in the world. Hooray!!

  9. #8
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    If it helps at all, just know that what you are going through is normal.
    Instead of fighting it just acknowledge it for what it is and trust that it will pass.

    In these moments we feel like we might go a little crazy.
    I know when I went through this recently I felt a little more relaxed when I was patient with myself and recognized it was just part of the process.
    Just knowing it was normal (albeit painful) helped tremendously.

    Hang it there. It will get better.

  10. #9
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    Yep. I have definitely felt crazy - my ex kindly pretty much told me I was!

    I'm not. I'm stable and I'm living and I'm being. That feels good.


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