I ghosted a narcissist.

I was dating a textbook narcissist for 17 months. I posted many things about our perplexing relationship. At the time I had no clue he could be a narcissist but with education and verification, I realized everything I went through was spot on narcissism and I was heavily involved with that abuse cycle. I started viewing him from that angle and never as a real potential partner. It was sad but it was true.

 

Even after the worst fights or the worst silent treatments, he always came back . It blew my mind. The only consistant thing in our relationship was he would return . My last post was about a party which he stood me up on. Silent treatment for 9 days. I never believed he could return after that and he did. He came back like nothing happened. He even managed to blame me as to why I got stood up by him. He always had a way to justify.... it was nuts. I told him off and I know I said I'd never answer but I had to blow up on him. That only led to more excuses why he didnt show up to the party. He even blamed his childhood for his today actions.

 

Its sad but I let him take me out for my birthday which was a few days later. It was ok but it wasnt great because it was centered around his wants, even on my bday. So yes he took me out but it was only places he wanted to try out. When i asked for something specific he said to take a raincheck for another day etc. That day never came . We had a fight on my bday, pretty heated. I lost my cool also which I never do. I figured that was it. He called me even after that like nothing happened. I actually answered because I was embarrassed of my own actions I wanted to smooth my reputation over.

 

So fast forward to the last day we spoke. He pissed me off again. He did a dumb thing again ignoring me and also silent treatment for 2 days for no reason. The typical behavior. I got real tired of it and I ghosted him out of nowhere. No explanation to him. I had to call up my phone carrier to put a block. I blocked all his numbers, fb page, his family's fb pages also. I then deleted them off my instagram. I ghosted 100 percent in the middle of a fight. For the record ive never done this nor would ever handle a breakup like this. Normally Id speak and there would be a talk etc but with this guy Im so mentally drained, I am actually sick.

 

I know everyone would agree with my ghosting but I will ask anyway. Do you think my ghosting is appropriate given my situation and history with this guy? Do you think I should carry it out forever given his narcissistic ways? Has anyone ever ghosted a bad guy/girl in their life and it became the best thing they could of done? Any feedback or opinion would be great. Thank you.

 

So far I feel good. But Im not a nasty or cold person by any means so my inner feels strange and even feels guilty. But i know thats just because ghosting is foreign to me especially a relationship this long. I just have to remind myself what hes done over and over to get me from feeling guilty and strange.

If you don't want to talk with somebody you are not obliged. You don't owe anyone anything you don't want to and if you spend yout time pleasing everyone and getting distracted, you will miss out on your own life and maintaining a relationship with someone more better for ya

 

You really think you should talk on the phone everyday with someone you went on a date with on the last 5 years? not possible....this guy is a self absorbed nobody and I would actually recommend ghosting somebody like that

 

I also ghosted a narcissist. She told me since she is a model and a doctor she can have anybody anytime, and I said - "well not me" and never answered any messages again (there was of course other flags and this person was too materialistic and self absorbed for my liking) of course she then said how dare I turn her down as no guy has done that before lol oh, she also asked me when I will buy a BMW and take her out someone nice! Lol

 

I have very little sympathy for cold narcissistic self-absorbed people...

Finally!!! hear my applause!

He wouldn't have listened anyway so you did the right thing! I had to do the same with my ex in the end cause he didn't listen either...i broke it off so many times but he ignored it like he ignored me many times..... he even had the nerve to call me the next day and ask me for money cause he was on the train without a ticket..

I said, i broke up with you remember? Yeah but that doesn't have anything to do with this.......i hung up on him then.....

It was hard to get rid of him cause I'm sick and he wanted to know how the radiation went and how i was but i finally did the same as you and it's been silent now for 19 months!

You had no choice! Don't feel guilty!

I recently ended an 18-month relationship with a narcissist. I did a ton of online research, looking up everything he was doing, which kept pointing to narcissistic.

 

From everything I read, you and I are both very lucky to have escaped. Mine did the exact same things yours did, including returning after huge fights like nothing was wrong. When we first had fights, I thought well wow, he's so much better than I am at turning the page and moving on. Now I realize, that's just part of what a narc does.

 

I want to high-five you for just ghosting him. You go girl!!!

 

Here's the thing, if you've done your research: he will continue to figure out ways to hoover you (suck you back in). I blocked mine on everything, and he actually sent me a message on a dating site that he found me on.

 

Oh, and mine already has a new "girlfriend", or narcissistic supply. She's 18 years younger. I found this out accidentally, but I found it very interesting that he was trying to reach me furiously while in a new relationship. It's what they do.

 

Have you found HG Tudor? His 1-hour youtube interview is a must listen. And thriveafterabuse.com. Also, there is a narcissist victim who has a site and offers phone consultations. I did 90 minutes with her, and it was amazing.

 

PM me if you'd like to talk further. I bet we have eerily similar stories, as they follow almost exactly the same patterns.

 

Rarely do we, the victims, leave them, so I'm so glad to meet a fellow escapee.

I think you did the right thing! If there will come a time you would suddenly feel the urge to contact, or miss spinning the wheel, get out and do something to keep you busy! Sometimes what they do is make you lose your self esteem, they just have that magical capability. Do not let that happen.

 

I was in a narcissistic texting relationship, by that I meant, someone I worked with who was watching every move I make, every person I talk to, every project I completed, and we had an attraction, but he just wouldn't move it forward. Very controlling, self absorbed and everything else you have mentioned. What a joke!

I recently ended an 18-month relationship with a narcissist. I did a ton of online research, looking up everything he was doing, which kept pointing to narcissistic.

 

From everything I read, you and I are both very lucky to have escaped. Mine did the exact same things yours did, including returning after huge fights like nothing was wrong. When we first had fights, I thought well wow, he's so much better than I am at turning the page and moving on. Now I realize, that's just part of what a narc does.

 

I want to high-five you for just ghosting him. You go girl!!!

 

Here's the thing, if you've done your research: he will continue to figure out ways to hoover you (suck you back in). I blocked mine on everything, and he actually sent me a message on a dating site that he found me on.

 

Oh, and mine already has a new "girlfriend", or narcissistic supply. She's 18 years younger. I found this out accidentally, but I found it very interesting that he was trying to reach me furiously while in a new relationship. It's what they do.

 

Have you found HG Tudor? His 1-hour youtube interview is a must listen. And thriveafterabuse.com. Also, there is a narcissist victim who has a site and offers phone consultations. I did 90 minutes with her, and it was amazing.

 

PM me if you'd like to talk further. I bet we have eerily similar stories, as they follow almost exactly the same patterns.

 

Rarely do we, the victims, leave them, so I'm so glad to meet a fellow escapee.

Thank you. Kudos to you too !! It wasn't easy but I've got the urge to block him so many times and I couldn't bring myself to do it. So when it overcame me I said I must do it now. And YES, to what you said. The self esteem that he destroyed on me played a factor. If I had any insecurity stepping into this relationship he found out what it was and played on it. Or hed make up new ones where I started looking in the mirror alot saying "what is he talking about.?" He made me neurotic like him. This all convinced me no other men would look at me. I better stay with him bcuz he is goodlooking. I stopped going out . I am very insecure/depressed at this point. This breakup happened this week so I guess Im in for a long recovery.

 

I read alot like you. Youtube also had some great videos about narcissists. I couldnt turn them off. They were spot on and they really saved me. At the same time I felt upset becsuse I wasnt dealing with a person anymore. I was dealing with a sick individual . That was very disheartening knowing I couldnt do anything to make him change. It was his issue. I dont know about you but this was hard to give up the idea of a future because now I was dealing with a narcissist not a person with feelings/emotions like me. When we first met I saw a future. He and I both at the age of kids/marriage. He made a good living, just bought a home. I had to give that dream all up.

 

Once I got educated ,anything that flew at me was expected. I looked at these videos about a month ago so Ive been testing them out on him and he fit everything! Even my responses would get reactions from him like the therapists were saying in the vids. Then I knew I had to leave.

 

Why I was sad to leave and sad now is a whole other topic. Not sure if you came across topics about trauma bonding? I do feel that I fit that because I have compassion for him even though he hurt me. Along with a few other things .

 

This has brought me to ghosting. Because his hovering techniques always got me. His victim stories pull me in. His near death experiences and fake migraines etc, made me feel bad. Id answer the phone. I fell into every trap. So for me ghosting is the only way. But like you said, he may find other ways of contacting. I hope not but if so, I will keep the nc. For me, blocking his fb was huge. I cut myself off from his whereabouts which is big because in the relationship I used fb as a monitor. I never trusted him but i felt good that fb could control him a little. He couldnt like or comment girl's pics anymore etc etc and if they saw our picture theyd back off. Silly me though bcuz theres other ways of cheating! Lol

 

Now Im cut out of his life. It will be a recovery. What have you been doing to get over it? I assume if youre like me, youre still in recovery mode? Thanks for sharing and I will check out the reccommended readings/video you suggested .

Finally!!! hear my applause!

He wouldn't have listened anyway so you did the right thing! I had to do the same with my ex in the end cause he didn't listen either...i broke it off so many times but he ignored it like he ignored me many times..... he even had the nerve to call me the next day and ask me for money cause he was on the train without a ticket..

I said, i broke up with you remember? Yeah but that doesn't have anything to do with this.......i hung up on him then.....

It was hard to get rid of him cause I'm sick and he wanted to know how the radiation went and how i was but i finally did the same as you and it's been silent now for 19 months!

You had no choice! Don't feel guilty!

Sounds just like my guy ! Big heayed fights, horrible words, then call next day or a week later like heyyyyy do you want to go eat tonight? Just sick .

 

Thank you . Applause to you too !! Anyone surviving this abuse is lucky . Some people are stuck in marriages and kids with these people and its sad.

I think you did the right thing! If there will come a time you would suddenly feel the urge to contact, or miss spinning the wheel, get out and do something to keep you busy! Sometimes what they do is make you lose your self esteem, they just have that magical capability. Do not let that happen.

 

I was in a narcissistic texting relationship, by that I meant, someone I worked with who was watching every move I make, every person I talk to, every project I completed, and we had an attraction, but he just wouldn't move it forward. Very controlling, self absorbed and everything else you have mentioned. What a joke!

Thank you! He shot down my self esteem. Its very low at the moment. He attacked my looks and my intelligence.

 

Stay away from any narcissist! Sorry you had to experience that.

Hey mandeelove,

 

I just want you to know that I truly believe that you did the right thing. I am currently going through a breakup with my girlfriend. She also has narcissistic personality disorder. It is very sad because she dumped me, but has still attempted to guilt me for allowing her to leave so easily. She is mad that I did not beg for her back. Ohhh the irony right?

 

I definitely feel your pain, please stay strong and just move forward and never turn back. Narcissistic individuals need psychological help, and if they decided not to seek any help; it is not worth staying and having them destroy our well-being.

Sounds just like my guy ! Big heayed fights, horrible words, then call next day or a week later like heyyyyy do you want to go eat tonight? Just sick .

 

Thank you . Applause to you too !! Anyone surviving this abuse is lucky . Some people are stuck in marriages and kids with these people and its sad.

 

mandee, I am glad to hear you've walked away, but next time don't ever allow a man to push your buttons like this, that's on you.

 

Pushing you to point of crazy, you get angry, start big fight, he disappears, then returns like nothing happened, you buy into his BS, rinse repeat! How many times did you allow this to happen?

 

Why did you continue to allow this? Allow him to push your buttons and get you so crazy like that time and time again?

 

Once is enough for me. After that, done, no going back for seconds, unless he has a hell of a good reason for his crap behavior. And if it happens again? Done for good, no matter what BS excuse he gives me.

 

Yeah these guys are adorable and charming but come on. Returning like nothing happened? Next time hang up on him or ignore text, block immediately.

 

Have higher standards and never allow this bs in your life especially over and over. Or allow yourself to go psycho on him, that only serves to boost his fragile ego, he doesnt give a crap how upset you are. He's most likely laughing to himself about all of it.

 

I don't know if he is a narcissist or not but some guys get off on pushing a girls buttons and then sitting back and smugly watching her react and go crazy. Insecurity most likely the reason.

 

THAT is why he kept returning. He was bored, needed an ego boost and figured, hell I'll contact mandee, push her buttons again, watch her go crazy, and will enjoy every second of it.

 

It's a sick game, but gives them a thrill.. And many guys play it, intentionally, not just narcissists.

 

Again, thrilled you finally walked, I hope it sticks.

 

Big lesson learned though hopefully. Don't ever allow this in your life ever again.

 

Best of luck moving forward.

mandee, I am glad to hear you've walked away, but next time don't ever allow a man to push your buttons like this, that's on you.

 

Pushing you to point of crazy, you get angry, start big fight, he disappears, then returns like nothing happened, you buy into his BS, rinse repeat! How many times did you allow this to happen?

 

Why did you continue to allow this? Allow him to push your buttons and get you so crazy like that time and time again?

 

Once is enough for me. After that, done, no going back for seconds, unless he has a hell of a good reason for his crap behavior. And if it happens again? Done for good, no matter what BS excuse he gives me.

 

Yeah these guys are adorable and charming but come on. Returning like nothing happened? Next time hang up on him or ignore text, block immediately.

 

Have higher standards and never allow this bs in your life especially over and over. Or allow yourself to go psycho on him, that only serves to boost his fragile ego, he doesnt give a crap how upset you are. He's most likely laughing to himself about all of it.

 

I don't know if he is a narcissist or not but some guys get off on pushing a girls buttons and then sitting back and smugly watching her react and go crazy. Insecurity most likely the reason.

 

THAT is why he kept returning. He was bored, needed an ego boost and figured, hell I'll contact mandee, push her buttons again, watch her go crazy, and will enjoy every second of it.

 

It's a sick game, but gives them a thrill.. And many guys play it, intentionally, not just narcissists.

 

Again, thrilled you finally walked, I hope it sticks.

 

Big lesson learned though hopefully. Don't ever allow this in your life ever again.

 

Best of luck moving forward.

Thank you for your response . A few factors why I let him back in. Def my own issues after the first or second offense. It became my own issue to allow it. He really got in my head. The best thing I got out of this was a huge lesson and better standards for next time. This is the first time it has happened to me with a man and I know it will be my last.

 

You are right. Narcissist or not, people get off to pushing peoplesbuttons. So either way he is not the type of person to be around.

I don't think you ghosted. He knows full well why you ended the conversation for good. To me ghosting is disappearing where you know the other person will be left wondering what the heck happened.

mandee, just read your other thread "should I dis-invite him" I had missed it earlier.

 

Yeah this bozo is made of some sick stuff.

 

Please stay away, please please please.

 

Whether you technically "ghosted" or not doesn't matter. Who cares.

 

The important thing is that you are DONE with this nightmare.

 

Block, delete, next!

Do you think my ghosting is appropriate given my situation and history with this guy? Do you think I should carry it out forever given his narcissistic ways?

^

After reading your questions (above), it leads me to believe that you're still on the fence. At any rate, when you're truly done with him these questions will be non-existent.

 

Either way, I hope you continue to move in the right direction.

mandee, just read your other thread "should I dis-invite him" I had missed it earlier.

 

Yeah this bozo is made of some sick stuff.

 

Please stay away, please please please.

 

Whether you technically "ghosted" or not doesn't matter. Who cares.

 

The important thing is that you are DONE with this nightmare.

 

Block, delete, next!

Yes! He silenced me for a whole week. Stood me up to a party but I knew to be smart and dis invite him beforehand. He came back like noooothing happened. I pissed him off somehow, was his excuse.

 

Thank you

With narcs the best thing to do is go no contact and stay on it until you don't even desire to talk to them ever again. I was with one 7 years. We have a daughter. I left before he made me plum crazy and I was almost there. He's a lousy father and I had no choice but to put him on CS. He's so bitter about it he hasn't spoken to me and I don't give a damn. He never calls our kid, never asks her about school or anything . She has to call him just to have him pick her up for a visit. Trust me run.

How could he stand you up if you "dis-invited" him beforehand?

 

Anyway, I hope you're done for good this time. A few months ago you said you were done with him but you went back. I hope you understand that this relationship is no good for you. You can do much better.

How could he stand you up if you "dis-invited" him beforehand?

 

Anyway, I hope you're done for good this time. A few months ago you said you were done with him but you went back. I hope you understand that this relationship is no good for you. You can do much better.

I sensed him disappearing a week before so I cancelled him with the hostess. Glad I did because he never showed up or called me for that party. So no he never knew I cancelled him but he didnt call me or cancel either. Just totally blew it off Called 3 days later with a lame excuse.