Help! My ex is back in town

Hello there, Mason here, I’m new and in need for some urgent advice. I’m a married man, my wife (who I’ll call YY) and I have being married for two years and dated for six months before that, she is pregnant with our first child, we recently found out we’re having a boy and we’re thrilled about that. The problem is that recently we have not being getting along well, we fight all time and is all due to her jealousy over an ex-girlfriend of mine that I’ll call X.

I dated X for about 4 years, I was even planning on marrying her soon, but sadly she moved to another country because of a great job offer she got all of a sudden, she asked me to go with her, but I refused. Back then I didn’t want to leave the city I lived in, I liked a lot (I still do) and had an amazing job that was all that I wanted. So I stayed and she left, we kept at contact at first but eventually we both cheated on each other and the relationship got very hard to handle so we decided to break up, a couple of months after that I met my wife YY and instantly fell for her. I told YY everything about X, especially how much I regretted not leaving the country with her (I still do) and she understood perfectly and was even cool with me staying in touch with X.

YY and I got married after only 6 months of dating because we were so into each other it was unbelievable, when we were almost a year into the married life, X called me up to tell me she was back in town for a few days and wanted to meet me, I insisted in taking YY with me, but she didn’t want to, so I went out with X alone to catch up, we went to a restaurant and then to a bar, we chatted a lot and laughed together like in the old times, it was really pleasant, it reminded me everything I felt for her and how good we were together once. Before I knew how, we were holding hands in the bar like two teenagers, we were both tipsy as hell so when she pecked me on the lips I didn’t refuse. We went to her hotel room soon after and had sex there like wild animals, I don’t really know how to explain this, It was so crazy and happened so fast, I can’t even remember all the details. I left the hotel room really late at night but completely sober. When I got home I found YY mad as hell, it made me feel so shameful and guilty I can’t even start explaining it. I told her I had gotten drunk and a lost track of time, I swore to her that nothing had happened between me and X. After that I had sex with X twice more before she left town, she was the one that called me in both occasions, but I went to meet her, I wanted to, I felt so good with her I couldn’t stop myself. This situation got me so guilty, I couldn’t stand it for long and eventually confessed everything to YY, she was deeply hurt by this and she even moved in with her parents for a couple of weeks.

Eventually, and after a lot of talking and arguing, we were able to mend things up, I promised her never to meet X again and to try and fix our relationship, but after this YY became the most paranoid wife you’ll ever meet, she’s jealous of everyone I talk to, I can’t even talk to waitresses st restaurants without making her desperately jealous. I explained X via text message that I couldn’t speak to her anymore in order to save my marriage and she seemed to understand this, so we lost all contact for a lot of time, until a few weeks ago, when I got a sudden call from her. She told me she was moving in back in town, her mother is very ill and she wants to spend the last of her days in her company, so she got a new job here. I was very surprised at this and inevitably happy, but also very nervous about YY’s reaction. Obviously, YY is not happy about X being back in town, she doesn’t want me to meet her no matter what, obviously I promised I wouldn’t, she is pregnant with my kid and can’t go under a lot of stress. Nevertheless I’ve met X behind YY’s back, I said I was going to stay late at work and went to meet her, we clicked instantly like we always did and it was so great to see her again I couldn’t help kissing her, but when we were going to move things to the bedroom she stopped me and broke down in tears saying she doesn’t want to ruin my marriage and separate me from my family, she told me to leave and never look for her again, I left her house heart broken.

Now I’m in a very hard situation, I have a lot of mixed feelings. On the one side, I still love my wife and love my unborn son to deayh, I don’t want to leave them and break down our family, I know I’m hurting my wife and my marriage with my actions but I also feel like YY and I haven’t being good together either for a long time now, we haven’t even had sex in weeks, hell we don’t even kiss anymore, she is so into her jealousy is hard to handle, it makes me wonder if I’ve made a terrible mistake in getting her pregnant in such a bad time in our lives. On the other side, I can’t help to feel the way I do about X, she was my one and true love once, and I messed it up, I regret this so much it aches, I desperately also want to be with her and make her happy, I know she wouldn’t agree on having an affair with me, she made that clear last time, which hurt me so much, I can’t make up my min. Help me with wise advice please. Cheers mates.

Wow, are you serious?? Are you capable of thinking more than a few seconds into the future?? First you impulsively marry someone in the height of the honeymoon stage, then you cheat on your wife and are upset because the other woman won’t have an affair? How old are you?

You really need to grow up and take responsibility for your actions. You’re actually mad at your wife because she won’t kiss or have sex with you after you repeatedly cheated on her? You have serious nerve.

I’d suggest you go to individual and couples counseling. Try to save your marriage and figure out why you are so impulsive, immature, selfish and thoughtless.

I second that. You really expect your wife to be intimate and on good terms with you when you haven't even cut contact with your ex yet? Are you nuts? You're STD city for all she knows. She is absolutely right to not have any trust in you (you still want to cheat on her), but wrong in staying with someone she cannot trust after a while has passed. Did you do anything to amend this broken trust? I don't see anything in your post. No, wanting to by yourself does not work.

You need to (obviously) cut any contact you have with your ex; block her number, change yours so she never gets a hold of you, erase her number, cut off all social media and any other ties. It didn't work with your ex. You both cheated on each other and it didn't sound like such a good relationship after all if it got that bad. I wouldn't hold out any hope and you should leave it in the past. You CAN help yourself from going back to a dead relationship, you just don't want to and continue these self-justifications for your own selfish benefit.

Now, come clean and tell your wife about your ongoing cheating. She needs to know, you have a baby on the way!!! She needs to make very heavy decisions, not excluding if she wants to stay with you and keep the baby. After airing out your dirty laundry, you need to be extremely open with your wife. You cheated - it will take much effort to gain trust back and a long time. Be responsible for once and accept she will be angry, not trusting for a while, and not be intimate with you, possibly in any way, until she has forgiven you for all of the betrayal and hurt you have caused her.

Offer to update her about your daily life, who you converse with, tell her about your conversations in an effort to say you want to be open about everything with her to earn trust back. It is not obligatory, but shows you want to change. Then get any outside help or resources and tell her about what you've learned from them (counseling, self help books, group discussions on cheating, etc). Get yourselves into marriage counseling asap. Get tested for a panel (both of you so she knows she didn't get anything from you) and show her your results.

You really screwed the pooch on this one and now you need to put hard work into the marriage to maintain it. Never expect a partner to just forgive you right away for the ultimate betrayal to your marriage. In marriage, you really have one basic job - to be faithful. If years go by and she still hasn't forgiven you, perhaps you need to accept what you have done is irreversible and need to part ways.

Edited my response as chastising you will help nothing. You have no remorse. End your marriage. Co-parent your kid with your ex-wife. Have sex with ex until you see someone else you cant control yourself around. Your wife isn't paranoid, you have cheated on her repeatedly. You are now.

You, and men like you are why trustworthy men have to deal with the trauma you leave behind as you hop from vagina to vagina. Please teach your son to be better.