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Heard my ex-boyfriend having sex


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Please please please help me. Tonight I heard my ex boyfriend having sex with another woman and I'm totally gutted and sick inside.

Unfortunately we are neighbours and dated for a year. Three months ago he broke up with me and I have been trying to get over him but having a hard time. I 100% know I need to move to get over him, but I'm tied down with a lease and also cannot afford to get another place right now. My lease is up in 6 months and I plan to leave then.

Tonight he brought A woman over. I heard her moaning for what felt like eternity then orgasm etc. My insides are turning inside out I don't know what to do, I can't think straight right now.

I am still deeply in love with him and have been dreading this moment since we ended. I am so hurt. I feel physically sick. How do I live here, how do I face him. How do I deal with this.

He's going to know I heard them because I know he's been watching my stuff in social media. After tonight, I removed him from everything.

I really need someone to talk to right now. Please help me. I can't get through this alone. Not the next 6 months.

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First thing is first. You are okay. You might not agree with me, but yes you are okay. You two broke up 3 months ago and I have to ask what have you done to get over him? Have you purged him from your life? Is his phone number still in your phone? Keep text messages? Still go out of your way to talk to him?

 

I think another part of it is that you haven't fully accepted that it is over. You said you are deeply in love with him and I have to ask why are you?

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Yes. I have been holding on to hope. I know I'm stupid for doing it, but I can't control how my heart feels. I have done very little to purge him as you say. I now know I have to or I will go insane. I have blocked him from social media that we were on together, removed pics of us together, he still has them up, and blocked his number. I did that tonight only.

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I don't go out of my way for him nor do I contact him. But yes, I wait for him because yes, I wanted him back. Still do, my heart does, but after what I heard tonight, my mind knows to give up.

I don't know how to go on living here, next door, how to handle it, what to do?

 

First, really sorry, it's a terrible situation and very difficult.

 

Good news and bad news. Good news is, you've just implemented strict no contact and as long as you stick to it, this, right now, is your absolute lowest point. Nowhere to go but up from here.

 

Bad news, you have made it worse in 3 months and it will take some time to heal. And it will suck. But - and this is a huge but - if you stick to strict no contact, you will heal.

 

If you truly cannot break your lease, afford another place, move in with a relative, etc. - first thing you do is find hobbies outside your home. Be there as little as possible until you leave for good. Basically use it only to sleep. Walk, go to a 24-hour gym, spend time at the library. Anything other than being at home where you can bump into your ex.

 

Buy foam ear plugs, 33 decibel. I'm dead serious. And invest in a pair of noise cancelling headphones if you need to and sleep with them. When I fly overseas, I put foam ear plugs in my ears, then put on the noise cancelling headphones over my ears. Then I can't hear sh*t after that and I'm on a noisy plane with screaming babies. I sleep like I'm in a soundproof room.

 

Start being good to yourself every day. Exercise a little each day, then more. Find a hobby to keep your mind occupied. Reading is great for distractions if nothing else interests you. Practice self care. Journal. Read affirmations until you're blue in the face.

 

If you get worse, go to a Dr. and/or therapist.

 

Do these things, and you'll be in a much better place a month from now. Wishing you the best!

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I have depression so that does not help. I have a young child and I'm a single mom, so unfortunately I have to be home often.

believe if I could move I would. I don't have the money to pay first and last months Rent somewhere else even if I were to illegally break my lease.

six months feel line eternity.

I cannot get rid of this sick feeling, I cannot erase what I heard.

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I cannot get rid of this sick feeling, I cannot erase what I heard.

 

You will, eventually. Your emotions are very raw right now, and you're moving forward in inches. Not gonna lie to you, it's going to hurt for some time. But you're on the right path by purging him from your life.

 

Focus your love and attention away from your ex and on your child - they give us so much and love us unconditionally. Again, really sorry you're in the spot you're in. But you're going to get through this.

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Thank you.

I just threw everything he ever gave me back on to his deck. Our decks are a feet apart.

I guess I just avoid and ignore him now? I'm not the type to be this way, but do u agree it's best? Or do I hold my head up high and act like I don't care. Stupid question I know, but my mind is not clear right now.

I literally need to be told what to do here.

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You avoid, ignore, and you pretend like he doesn't exist and never existed. You don't talk to him, you don't answer his calls, you don't stalk his social media, you block him from everything. You get rid of every trace of him in your life. You do not contact him, you don't answer his requests. Literally pretend he does not exist.

 

And - you hold your head up high and act like you don't care. You literally fake it until you make it. Because you won't care at some point, and you want to get to that point as quickly as possible.

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thank you.

I know he will contact me tomorrow.

We broke up before for a few months and I heard him then too, or rather, her. I told him back then that I heard and he said he felt awful and that he would be mortified if the situation was reversed and he heard me.

This time, of course I won't contact him, but he will know I heard d again as all of a sudden he's off my Instagram, his pics are gone, and I threw all the stuff on his deck.

So he will contact me to tell me how bad he feels etc. If he even feels bad.

I'm hurt because he broke up with me saying he didn't want a relationship.

My self esteem is shot. I feel like I'm not good enough. I feel complete rejection. I have been feeling the rejection for the last three months, tonight just sealed it for me.

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I know that this is a troubling time, but it is time to use this as a positive forward pushing means. Okay, so it wasn't really fair on you to have him do that. And perhaps he waited 3 months thinking that you would be over him and moved on.

 

Yes, you are still in love with him, yes you live next door and cannot get away from him. But he has moved on. Doing things like getting revenge is just petty and immature, so stepping away from that or similar thinking is best. As is the notion of screwing someone else to get him out of your mind. It's like using cocaine to help you to quit heroin.

 

Take this as a sign that the door has just closed and will never open again. Rid yourself of everything that reminds you of him and learn to listen to more music on your headphones just when you need it.

 

Try to look at it from a positive perspective. THis is a good thing as it is helping you get over him, which could have dragged on for months more without any resolution. This will push your healing, until you are in a fit state to properly date again without him being on your mind.

 

You'll get through this, it's not going to always be easy, but that is what we are here for.

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You're right.

It's after 6am and I'm unable to sleep, I'm so tormented. It would be so much easier if I didn't live next door.

Six months of this is going to make me insane.

I agree with everything, the self care, the headphones, music, all of it. I just wish I could get him off my mind. And I wish this pain I feel deep in my gut to go away.

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So sorry to hear this. That's an uncomfortable position to be in for most people. Someone said to me once to ask myself how much an especially situation from a man I had been with would matter 5 years down the track. At the time we are going through this pain, it can feel like we will never get over it. But we do.

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I'm sorry for your hurt. This is awful.

Hold your head up. Get headphones. And stop telling yourself you can't do this and it's going to kill you.

Tell yourself "I can do this. I will do this because I must do this."

 

You are a mom. You are not going to let a breakup with a man destroy you and ruin 6 months of your life with your child. You have a lot to look forward to and a person who looks to you for an example of strength and how to love life. Love yourself. Take care of yourself and teach your child what you want them to learn.

 

Do you want to teach your child that when your heart is broken and life is impossible, you give up...fall apart.... Quit and let the pain kill you?

 

If your adult child called you with this same problem, what would you tell your baby to do? And how would you want them to act?

 

Cope. Then you teach your child to cope.

 

Love yourself. You are worth it. This pain will not be the end of your sanity..... It will be the beginning.

 

I'm sending you light and love and encouraging you strongly to stop saying you can't do this. YES YOU CAN.

It won't be easy and it will feel crappy but YOU CAN DO IT.

 

GO HUG YOUR BABY AND FIND YOUR MOTIVATION TO KEEP YOUR HEAD UP.

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Please please please help me. Tonight I heard my ex boyfriend having sex with another woman and I'm totally gutted and sick inside.

Unfortunately we are neighbours and dated for a year. Three months ago he broke up with me and I have been trying to get over him but having a hard time. I 100% know I need to move to get over him, but I'm tied down with a lease and also cannot afford to get another place right now. My lease is up in 6 months and I plan to leave then.

Tonight he brought A woman over. I heard her moaning for what felt like eternity then orgasm etc. My insides are turning inside out I don't know what to do, I can't think straight right now.

I am still deeply in love with him and have been dreading this moment since we ended. I am so hurt. I feel physically sick. How do I live here, how do I face him. How do I deal with this.

He's going to know I heard them because I know he's been watching my stuff in social media. After tonight, I removed him from everything.

I really need someone to talk to right now. Please help me. I can't get through this alone. Not the next 6 months.

 

Go shopping, Pamper yourself or do other fun stuff. Maybe you will find handsome respectable man to play with if you like. As single woman. The world is your oyster.

 

Cheer up and take control of your life. You will feel better..

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Well I lost it on him this morning. As expected he texted me when he saw all the stuff he gave me thrown on his deck,

I have remained decent and held in all my feelings and stayed polite for three months. I let it all out today. He was not mean in return. I won't go into details about all the horrible things I said to him, but you can probably imagine.

I don't feel bad about it. He just kept apologizing.

I sent him a final text just now. Apologized for my outbursts because I'm a lady, not a potty mouth like I was, although I'm still glad I said it all.

He kept saying he cares about me and my kids. So I asked him, as a mom, if he really cared about my kids, to please move out because I can't and I cannot heal living beside him.

I failed to mention he is very Wealthy. For this reason he could up and leave tomorrow if he wanted,

he said no, because he bought a condo and moves there in TWO years. He offered me 2500 to move now. I contacted my landlord and asked her if I could leave. She basically said she would sue me for the remainjbg six months. So once again I feel stuck here.

I have not responded to his text, nor will I accept his money as even I took it to move, I will be liable for another six months.

I cannot risk being sued for 12000.00.

Don't ever date your neighbour.

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