Third guy in my life who hurts me. I'm so broken.

Hi everyone,

I have not posted on here in a while. The first time I posted here I was still a girl in high school. Now that I'm 25 I feel like I'm still that high school girl. I have only had two boyfriends in my life and I allowed them both to step all over me. My first two boyfriends were best friends and I knew they were both bad for me but I still didn't walk away. This third guy was my friend and we met in college. I used to tell this guy about my ex boyfriends and how it was so hard for me to let them go. I trusted this guy so when he told me he liked/cared about me I believed him. Eventually I found out he had a girlfriend and the girlfriend found out he cheated on her but she still stayed with him. I SHOULD HAVE walked away as soon as I found out but I didn't I was shocked because I didn't think he would do something like that.I thought he was going to leave her to be with me. It seemed like he did care about me and I fell for him. At one point we stopped talking because he said he needed to fix his issues and she was one. Then he came back and apologized for hurting me and wanted to be friends. He did break up with her at some point but did not get with me. He straight up told me he just wanted to be friends with benefits. I accepted because I wanted to keep him in my life. Things only got worse and we stopped talking for a little bit again because he said he needed to heal and was going through a lot. He obviosuly said that because he didnt want to talk to me anymore and had finally gotten what he wanted from me (sex). He later confessed he just wanted to have sex with me. The red flags were always there but I still didnt walk away. I saw him on Saturday and I had sex with him. Yesterday he told me he's having a baby with her and that they are together. I'm so dumb and I don't understand why I put myself in these situations. I also found out he had messing around with an ex girlfriend whihc means he has messing around with three girls. He's a player. I keep hurting myself and letting guys step all over. I have no dignity and I don't love myself. I don't know how I'm gonna recover from this.

Well it’s high-time you started to develop some dignity and start to love yourself. Based on the choices you’ve made I’m not surprised you feel this way about yourself. You see red flags everywhere and you CHOOSE to ignore them.

The quality of your life is a direct reflection of the quality of the decisions you make. Start making better choices and your dignity and self-love will improve. It looks to me like you are happy with pretty much any male attention.....you need to increase your standards.

If you keep ignoring red flags you will always end up paying the price.

I just want to hug you. You need real love. Not a man, not sex.... You need to find Self love. Love and respect yourself. You're special and unique.

You deserve to be treated special not choosing to be one in a crowd of women pleasing one man

is the first step.

I don't even know what else to say. I wish you love and light, My Precious One. You need both. (They come from within)

Aww! I am so sorry for what you're going through. Even I had been mistreated by two men just because I had put them before myself, just because their happiness were my happiness. Some things always keep happening to us if don't learn to make ourselves the first priority. They thought about themselves first and never ever thought what we would go through if they'll only cater their needs.

Now you must sincerely learn from your past experiences. Just be yourself, build yourself more stronger and harder. Cater your needs and wants first. And never ever, avoid any red flags. Listen and observe the vibes you get from others.

You're precious and your dreams matter to you a lot. Go through this pain and come out from this strom as the best version of yourself. Work hard on yourself that no man or woman can mislead you.

For any emotional help and support we're all here for you.

Yes, I know it is because I keep allowing guys to hurt me. I chose to ignore the red flags and it only gets me in trouble. I haven't dated much or had a serious relationship. I just need help because I attract bad guys. The sad part is that I have no standards and I go for the "bad" guys. I have been paying the price and I'm tired. Thank you.

Thank you, Dominique. Yes, I need to learn to love myself because I don't even value or respect myself. I expect a guy to love me or value me so that I can feel like I'm worth it.

That's exactly what I did. Yes, I put those three guys before myself. I forgot about myself and made them a priority even when I knew they were so bad for me. It's like I'm expecting a guy to make happy. I haven't learned my lesson and have been stuck. I don't want to go through something like this again. It's just that I have low self-esteem and don't love myself. I want to become a stronger person I just don't know how. I think I need to see a psychologist. Thank you

I think you also just have some growing up to do. You are young, and haven't had good experiences to build a foundation for your expectations.

Seeing a psychologist sounds like a great idea.

For what it's worth, I made the sorts of decisions you did for some time. But I grew up, met better people, and met a guy who totally recalibrated my expectations of others and myself. We've been happily married for 11 years now. Recent discussions with my psychologist about the decisions I made when I was younger have helped me see that I shouldn't be too hard on younger me, and why that is the case. I wish I'd chosen to see someone at the time to help me see things differently and understand my worth.

Some therapy would be a good place to start.

You are here for a reason. You are special. Your reason and purpose is not to be a doormat for a man. I promise you that you have a gift....love yourself so you can find that gift from within. You should always come first. Always!

Once you have self love, you can see what you really need and want in a relationship and you won't tolerate being with someone who treats you for less than you are worth.

Right now you are attracting people who treat you in the way that you feel about yourself. You don't value yourself and they don't value you either.

Let this man go.

Find yourself.

You're beautiful and you deserve more. 💙❤️

Hi,

I'm still struggling but I am trying to move one. I don't know I have a hard time letting go of people even when they were bad for me. I can't stop thinking that he's with his girlfriend and that he's having a baby. He's happy and I'm miserable. I'm scared that I'll never meet someone or have kids. I'm turning 26 in Januray and I already feel old. I know have self esteem and it's like my worth depends on a guy. I have let men use me and step all over me. I will not be able to see a psychologist soon and I don't know what to do with myself anymore. Everyone tells me I'm pretty,smart, and have a lot going for me but I still don't feel like I'm good enough. Sometimes I feel worthless and like life is not worth living anymore. I don't feel good about myself and I feel like I'm getting depressed. Today someone told he poste a video of his girlfriend getting an ultrasound and I can't stop crying.

It sounds like you need some backbone and some self respect. Not very easy to get because they come from within.

If you have a lot of that from an overbearing since of weakness you could try things to empower yourself.

When I was a child and felt like that I started learning MMA.

I have no idea what your hobbies are but it made in a much more disciplined and strong willed person.