Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123
Results 21 to 26 of 26

Thread: Do you know why women don't report sexual assault ? I do

  1. #21
    Platinum Member thealchemist's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    1,597
    That is why my parents always told me and my sister if anything ever happens to us like that go straight to them and tell no one else.

    I am very sorry that this happened to you. I am afraid that if I found out this happened to anyone I knew I would take matters into my own hands.

    I have little faith in justice.

    Very sorry this happened...

  2. #22
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    10,491
    Originally Posted by IAmFCA
    I am not sure what it takes to get something into the off-campus jurisdiction. I bet there is a strong bias to keeping campus matters within the school's jurisdiction. An aggrieved party may need substantial support to "demand" it be handled by the town.
    Thing is campus adjudication doesn't necessarily involve campus police, which would still handle it as a criminal matter just as much as a city or state police would (assume we're talking an actual PD and not a contracted security firm). Title IX serves many, many good functions, overshadowed by the relatively recent trend of essentially treating rape and sexual violence as a glorified HR endeavor where, as abitbroken very accurately states, most often nobody really wins, whether you're a [typically] male student being suspended or expelled without due process or an actual victim not receiving at least the remote possibility of criminal justice.

    A responsible or simply barebones decent campus administration will disclose to someone reporting rape that going through the campus administration is not a substitute for the formal reporting of a crime. But, as you say, I wouldn't doubt a lot are shady about that fact due to the in-house bias.

    Now the OP did disclose she reported to police, so I'm just speaking in general. It is its own problem that students report to their administration under the assumption that it serves the same function as reporting to police.

    Just reason #10962 why I help myself to a bump of whisky after coming home from working in academia all day.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Age
    54
    Posts
    10,385
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by j.man
    Thing is campus adjudication doesn't necessarily involve campus police, which would still handle it as a criminal matter just as much as a city or state police would (assume we're talking an actual PD and not a contracted security firm). Title IX serves many, many good functions, overshadowed by the relatively recent trend of essentially treating rape and sexual violence as a glorified HR endeavor where, as abitbroken very accurately states, most often nobody really wins, whether you're a [typically] male student being suspended or expelled without due process or an actual victim not receiving at least the remote possibility of criminal justice.

    A responsible or simply barebones decent campus administration will disclose to someone reporting rape that going through the campus administration is not a substitute for the formal reporting of a crime. But, as you say, I wouldn't doubt a lot are shady about that fact due to the in-house bias.

    Now the OP did disclose she reported to police, so I'm just speaking in general. It is its own problem that students report to their administration under the assumption that it serves the same function as reporting to police.

    Just reason #10962 why I help myself to a bump of whisky after coming home from working in academia all day.
    A good post.

    Years ago my car was broken into on a school campus. I was told to report it to campus police, which I did. I later went to local police station where I learned there was no interaction at all between the two. I had been given the impression that campus police was all that was necessary. I wonder if the school was trying to protect its rep.

  4. #24
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Posts
    24
    Thank you all for your kind replies. It makes me feel better and feel like at least someone out there cares. I have spoken to a counselor and reached to "rape crisis hotlines" a few times but felt like they didn't really care so thank you for that.

    This painful experience showed me the harsh reality of sexual assault. It is under reported and now I understand why.even if you do decide to report it, it does not always make you feel better. I learned to be stronger though. I am more cautious, I am less trustworthy, and felt like I have been given a wake up call. I stopped abusing xanax. It was a dangerous and self destructive path that I was on. Who knows what could have happened if "that night " didn't happen. I was unstoppable. I could have overdosed and could be dead by now and my bad habit of abusing prescription drugs could manifest to something even worse. Like battling a nasty addiction. (I was already in the way there )I guess what I am saying is maybe everything happens for a reason.

    Even though numerous people told me I am not at fault, I do believe that both of us are at fault. I shouldn't have put myself in that situation and I do take responsibility on my part. He never apologized to me or spoke to me again (title 9 issued a restraining order so that could be it. Who knows) but I forgive him. I still don't know what happened to this day and I have no recollection of what happened at all. It's time to move on. In a way, I do thank him for getting me out of this self destructive path that I was heading. I was on my way to an ugly future but at least I learned from my mistakes. He on the other hand, will always be a creep and that is not my fault.

    P.S I heard from numerous women from campus that this is not the first time someone accused him of non consensual sex.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Age
    54
    Posts
    10,385
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by amanduhhpanda
    Thank you all for your kind replies. It makes me feel better and feel like at least someone out there cares. I have spoken to a counselor and reached to "rape crisis hotlines" a few times but felt like they didn't really care so thank you for that.

    This painful experience showed me the harsh reality of sexual assault. It is under reported and now I understand why.even if you do decide to report it, it does not always make you feel better. I learned to be stronger though. I am more cautious, I am less trustworthy, and felt like I have been given a wake up call. I stopped abusing xanax. It was a dangerous and self destructive path that I was on. Who knows what could have happened if "that night " didn't happen. I was unstoppable. I could have overdosed and could be dead by now and my bad habit of abusing prescription drugs could manifest to something even worse. Like battling a nasty addiction. (I was already in the way there )I guess what I am saying is maybe everything happens for a reason.

    Even though numerous people told me I am not at fault, I do believe that both of us are at fault. I shouldn't have put myself in that situation and I do take responsibility on my part. He never apologized to me or spoke to me again (title 9 issued a restraining order so that could be it. Who knows) but I forgive him. I still don't know what happened to this day and I have no recollection of what happened at all. It's time to move on. In a way, I do thank him for getting me out of this self destructive path that I was heading. I was on my way to an ugly future but at least I learned from my mistakes. He on the other hand, will always be a creep and that is not my fault.

    P.S I heard from numerous women from campus that this is not the first time someone accused him of non consensual sex.

    I will say that yes, each of us is responsible for protecting ourselves, using good judgment, remaining in control of our choices.

    I will also say that it is. not. your. fault.

    You left yourself defenseless. Had others identified themselves as attackers, you would have made a different choice.

    We are right to own our physical selves and we are right to expect others will respect that boundary. When someone else violates that boundary it is their responsibility that it happened, not yours. Another person has many choices to make -- to be helpful. To check on your health. To keep you free from others who may be unsafe. The choice to harm you belongs squarely on the individual who made it.

  7. #26
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Age
    39
    Posts
    46,962
    Big hugs. We do care and we're sorry you were in this situation. I don't know if you've seen the memes circulating on facebook/twitter about rape analogies with a $5 bill, but I think they are really helpful to helping people understand rape. If you were passed out/asleep and someone went through your purse and stole $5, they still stole $5 from you, that was not your fault. Anyway, I'm glad that you're going to stop abusing xanax.

    I really hope that the police catch this creep. Hopefully 20 women won't have to report him until the police do something about him.

Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •