Jump to content

So i broke no contact - feedback?


Recommended Posts

Ok i need to be flogged.

 

my story with this lovely Irish woman.

 

anyway. I have been busy with myself. A lot. You probably can see the things i talk about and do here. Long story short. broke up 3 months ago. no spoken in almost 2months, per her request. She said "can we speak for at least two months". I didn't even respond and immediately went to NC and she, understandably, unfriended everyone who was connected to us (my friends). Since then i went into this self reflecting/ self improvement kick. it's a bit funny that us breaking up, i've been doing a lot of the things she probably might appreciate. I found myself actually wanting to change. You know how when you tell someone "i'm going to change" and it never happens? all talk? I went FULL tilt on this. I looked into what she had said when we were together/breaking up. Looked at myself and saw that she was right. there were things i needed to change. Granted, i wonder what she'd say if she ever saw or heard what i do now, ultimately i'm doing this for myself. For whomever i meet next. For my next relashy.

 

*the 2 month NC she asked of me technically ends at the end of the month. After either of our birthdays.

 

Anyway, I heard about what's going on in Ireland and her county was the hardest that was hit. Her family, friends and all that live there. She lives here in SF. I felt compelled to reach out.

 

this is what i wrote:

 

 

i'm sorry to break our no contact a bit early, but i saw the news about Cork and the hurricane. I hope your family is safe. It must be absolutely nerve wrecking. if you need someone to talk to about it, or if there's anything small i can do, please let me know. You have my support.

 

I kept it where i didn't want to further the conversation so i didn't ask how she was. I didn't want to use this event as a means to open up converastions with her. I just wanted to show despite our differences and maybe better off lives, i cared. She never responded and I don't expect her to. and i'm not hurting about it either. i just feel a bit stupid for messaging but at the same time, i care about a person. If it's about something lame or stupid, I wouldn't dare message her out of respect. but i felt this was more out of necessity than anything else.

 

thoughts?

Link to comment

That was very kind of you.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it seems her two month NC was a way to let you down easy.

If that were me, I would have replied to you if I were still interested and missing you.

 

I'd not reach out at the end of two months.

Let her do the contacting if she desires.

Link to comment

nah. there's no harm. I think about her still and wonder the what ifs and all that. But emotionally i'm good.

 

I've come from natural disasters and all that when i was growing up. and i know the feeling of worrying about your loved ones from a different country. Heartache aside, i feel there's got to certain instances where you can pause that, and think of the bigger picture.

 

my friend said, "if she has a problem with you being concerned and messaging her about it, it's HER problem. You did what a normal person who cares would, in a time like this".

Link to comment

...let flogging commence......since you asked for it....

 

I call bs on your "necessity" and yes, you very much invited conversation. Here is the deal with ex's - they are no longer a part of your life and their life, family, events, etc are no longer any of your business. Period.

 

Anyhoooo....so what are you going to do if she sends you some vague response....crumbs......

Link to comment

letting me down easy from breaking up with me? It could be. I mean, we broke up. so she can say whatever she wants to alleviate her of whatever guilt she may have.... But we clarified it at some point that the break up was mutual. So if she's thinking she's doing me a favor, she's kinda wrong. I appreciate it. but she's wrong.

 

i also know she's having a hard time. When we broke up, she was an emotional wreck. I think it's more she won't respond because she's still not in a good place as of yet. And that's fine. or she doesnt want to get back. that's fine too.

Link to comment

i'm very good friends with 80% of my exes. not "i'm FB friends with them" friends. I hang out on the regular. talk on the regular.

 

what i'm saying is, once you break up with someone, it doesnt change them. they're still the same person. The relationship just didn't work. While true that they aren't part of my life anymore, i still cared for them. I don't want to carry ill will against them. Unless it was a bad (abuse, cheating, etc) relationship, once forgiveness is genuinely given and attraction is gone, it doesnt mean i can't care for the people i once were with. If they/I choose to pursue a platonic friendship, great. If not, ok. but I'm not going to ignore someone i cared about undergo a tragedy simply because "we're exes". that's kinda unnecessarily cold.

Link to comment

oh and crumbs schrumbs.

 

I can easily forgive her for calling me names. I can easily forget the time she told me to stop hanging out with the friends she was so sure i was having an affair (despite us not) with. I can easily excuse her for telling me "you're not going to be a good father" despite me and other people telling me otherwise (who says that to people, geez). But there's one thing i can't forgive or forget that convinces me I'm not going back with her...

 

She's vegan. teehee...

 

JUST KIDDING! she's cool. we were just in different points in our lives. i also think she's burned a lot of bridges down with friends and such that i don't think it's salvageable. i'd be very surprised if it did. Many more fish in the sea.

Link to comment

....Well....dragging a trainload of ex's turned "friends" behind you will sure make getting into a good relationship difficult for you. It also demonstrates a certain inability on your part to let the past go. If you want friends, then get out and make friends who are just friends. Keep your life clean in more ways than just decluttering your apartment. Sounds to me like you need to declutter your life at large.

Link to comment
I don't necessarily feel like I'm dragging anyone. They choose to be friends with me and I'm ok with that. AND they're not necessarily negative people in my life. But it's true. decluttering life in a whole is a good thing.

 

Of course you aren't dragging anyone. It's just a figure of speech. I have no doubt that they are good people and were a good part of your life in many ways. However, all you have to do is look around these boards, or any dating forums really to realize just how much strife and insecurity keeping ex's around will cause in your romantic life. Heck, you have your own recent experience with that. There comes a point where you have to say good bye to the past and move forward on a clean slate. Saying good bye doesn't mean things are bad or negative, it means it was wonderful but now I'm setting sail for new ports and fresh beginnings.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...