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Have you ever ghosted someone and why?


gijeanie

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Define ghosting.

 

If you mean having a couple of dates or more with a guy, and when he asks me out again, ignoring him, no. I will always respond back and tell him not wishing to pursue further.

 

If he continues to text, I will block him.

 

If we've had one date and realize there is no click, and neither of us text again, yes I've had that happen but to me that is not ghosting. It's having a date and realizing it's not a match. No harm no foul. No further contact required.

 

If I am chatting with a guy on line and realize he's not for me, I won't respond back, but to me that isn't ghosting either, we hadn't even met yet. I've done it and had it happen to me too.

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I’ve never ghosted anyone, but have been ghosted.

I don’t think I will ever understand why someone would do this, especially when things were going so perfect.

 

Fear of commitment/relationships.

 

Folks with these issues are notorious for running when things are going well, because when things are going well, naturally the next stage is commitment. Which is what they fear or don't want.

 

They're so panicked they can't even explain why, all they know is they're uncomfortable and need SPACE. So they ghost. They may return later.

 

My brother is like this. In fact, the more he likes a girl and things are going well, the more panicked he gets!

 

When he's not all that into her, but still wants to date her for whatever reasons, he usually has a rotation of girls and it lasts longer, until of course she starts pressuring for commitment, then he's off and running.

 

Makes no sense and if I hadn't witnessed this with my own eyes, I might not believe it myself.

 

He KNOWS he has issues though and is trying to resolve, he really struggles with it!

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How long of not hearing from someone before your officially ghosted?

 

...You know you'd get much better advice if you actually provided more specific details of your situation.....

 

Early dating, if there is no next date set up and I haven't heard from him for 3 days or more, I'd consider it over. To be honest, I wouldn't even call that ghosting, simply lack of interest in carrying on. I mean you are not in a relationship at that point so not like there is a break up conversation to be had. There is really nothing to discuss and nothing to end at that point.

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...You know you'd get much better advice if you actually provided more specific details of your situation.....

 

Early dating, if there is no next date set up and I haven't heard from him for 3 days or more, I'd consider it over. To be honest, I wouldn't even call that ghosting, simply lack of interest in carrying on. I mean you are not in a relationship at that point so not like there is a break up conversation to be had. There is really nothing to discuss and nothing to end at that point.

 

Agree with this, but for me, I give it longer than three days. If I don't hear from him, for say a week or two tops, I would consider it done.

 

But for me, when really into a guy, I would send him a text in the meantime. Something light and breezy.

 

If he ignored that for three days, DONE.

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We were texting the day before he disappeared. I only texted him the one time asking he if everything was ok. He’s phone was switched off.

I then sent him a email 2 weeks after that got no reply. I have left it since.

It’s been 6 months, what he did was heartless, selfish I couldn’t forgive him. Thought it was something I did at first. Felt used. I would never ghost anyone, it doesn’t hurt to be honest with someone.

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We were texting the day before he disappeared. I only texted him the one time asking he if everything was ok. He’s phone was switched off.

I then sent him a email 2 weeks after that got no reply. I have left it since.

It’s been 6 months, what he did was heartless, selfish I couldn’t forgive him. Thought it was something I did at first. Felt used. I would never ghost anyone, it doesn’t hurt to be honest with someone.

 

How long were you dating him? What did your second email say?

 

When someone ghosts like that, after a significant time dating, it's usually more about them and their issues than it is about you.

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How long of not hearing from someone before your officially ghosted?

 

I don't consider it ghosting not to respond to an invitation for a date if you've only been out once or twice -or to decline to ask someone out again. Silence = lack of interest. I've ignored/stopped responding where it's been longer than that for safety reasons or when I found out he'd been lying to me or had behaved in an offensive way. And frankly if someone behaves that way it's not ghosting -they can figure out what the silence means. I've had many men not call me for a second, third or 4th date (and maybe 5th) - and that wasn't ghosting either. I much prefer that to the ridiculous "you are AMAZING and a wonderful woman and such a catch but I'm not ready for a relationship right now"/

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We were texting the day before he disappeared. I only texted him the one time asking he if everything was ok. He’s phone was switched off.

I then sent him a email 2 weeks after that got no reply. I have left it since.

It’s been 6 months, what he did was heartless, selfish I couldn’t forgive him. Thought it was something I did at first. Felt used. I would never ghost anyone, it doesn’t hurt to be honest with someone.

 

Did he ever come back or try and contact you after that?

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For my few handful of examples.

 

No connection of the first date, none. Didn't want to make up some "It's not you, it's me excuse."

 

They made me a bit angry and came across as controlling and manipulative.

 

That's not really ghosting. That's called having one date and realizing no connection. No explanation necessary.

 

But, and this is just me and may not even be the right thing, after one date, I'm not feeling it but HE is, and he asks me out again, I won't ignore.

 

I respond back politely declining and wishing him well.

 

I don't even know if guys like or want that, I've read here (and on other forums) that, in a situation like that, many guys actually prefer being ignored when a woman is not interested. Rather than her responding back and actually telling him. Doesn't feel so much like a rejection, even though it is.

 

I just don't like ignoring people, I find it rude. I don't like being ignored and therefore dislike ignoring others.

 

Unless they're stalking or harrassing me in which case it's just a straight BLOCK.

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I've basically been ghosted by a close female friend and I can relate to how hurtful it is. I have no idea why she stopped being in touch other than I'm almost certain she is not upset with me based on a pleasant response (finally) to an email I sent her last month. She is still friends with me on Facebook and other social media sites but we used to speak once to twice a week at length on the phone. I was hurt at first and then when I learned that she wasn't upset with me I felt less hurt but still believe that after years of a close friendship she should respond to my calls and "clear the air" as needed or at least tell me why the sudden drop off in contact. We have mutual acquaintances and I think it's wrong of me to go behind her back and try to find out information, so I won't. I miss speaking with her and I'm not willing to keep contacting her. Ball is in her court. So if that counts as being ghosted ,there you have it.

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That's different from talking to a guy for months about dating and things. Talking all day. Sometimes till one goes to sleep. Meeting up. Him texting asking when he can see you again. Planning a date. Him saying he can't wait. Texting all the way up to the night of him not letting you off the phone until you go to sleep then the following day standing you up and ignoring both your texts. This was Thursday. Haven't heard anything since. I think he either completely lost interest and was leading me on, he got scared and got cold feet because we were going to hookup, or he stood me up and now doesn't want to say anything because he knows I'll be mad. The date was his idea by the way. He's been talking about it non stop till the day of. It honestly makes no since. But I'm pretty sure I was ghosted.

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gijeanie, I posted this on your other thread, but there was too much "build up" prior to the "hook up," and he freaked himself out about it.

 

JMO, but best that sex happens naturally and spontaneously to avoid that.

 

Yes I think he probably thinks you're mad, he may be embarrassed by his behavior, or has issues surrounding sex and his performance, but in any event, I hope you don't think YOU did anything wrong.

 

This is all about HIM and not YOU.

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gijeanie, I posted this on your other thread, but there was too much "build up" prior to the "hook up," and he freaked himself out about it.

 

JMO, but best that sex happens naturally and spontaneously to avoid that.

 

Yes I think he probably thinks you're mad, he may be embarrassed by his behavior, or has issues surrounding sex and his performance, but in any event, I hope you don't think YOU did anything wrong.

 

This is all about HIM and not YOU.

 

Thank you. The whole thing was just so weird. I hate not having answers and I miss talking to him. I guess that's why it's called ghosting.

 

I'm also really hurt and mad. Not that it matters now.

 

Do you think he might eventually reach out? I probably shouldn't care. I'm not going to text him that's for sure. It would be nice to have answers though.

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That's different from talking to a guy for months about dating and things. Talking all day. Sometimes till one goes to sleep. Meeting up. Him texting asking when he can see you again. Planning a date. Him saying he can't wait. Texting all the way up to the night of him not letting you off the phone until you go to sleep then the following day standing you up and ignoring both your texts. This was Thursday. Haven't heard anything since. I think he either completely lost interest and was leading me on, he got scared and got cold feet because we were going to hookup, or he stood me up and now doesn't want to say anything because he knows I'll be mad. The date was his idea by the way. He's been talking about it non stop till the day of. It honestly makes no since. But I'm pretty sure I was ghosted.

 

Well....I'd say you got stood up and that's that. It was over the moment he didn't show up for your date.

 

That aside, when you are just starting out, be wary of communication overkill, talking on the phone as much as you describe, etc. It's just way over the top and screams unhealthy to me. You are strangers, but acting out like you are in a serious long term relationship and so in love you can't part even for a minute. It's actually pretty messed up. Next time a practical stranger is keeping you up all night talking, don't be flattered, be afraid and run for the hills. This is not healthy behavior. So him then bailing on the actual meet up after all the build up actually follows and makes sense. This kind of stuff should actually set off your alarm bells going forward.

 

If you are meeting someone from online, keep initial communication brief. Meet face to face and see if there is actual chemistry there and go from there in terms of setting up an actual date. However, pace yourself, avoid getting into verbal fantasies, agreeing to hook up, etc. Get to know each in real life, face to face and early on, take it just one date at a time. Keep dates, normal date length and don't overstay either. Too much too soon tends to burn out fast and then you are left where you are now - scratching your head wondering what just happened.

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DF, they did meet face to face, had gone out several times, felt the chemistry, see her other thread.

 

He disappeared immediately before meeting again for the sole purpose of having sex for the first time and spending the weekend together.

 

He arranged it all.

 

Prior to, there was tons of discussing it and arranging for it (the sex).

 

Frankly I think too much, too much "build up."

 

He freaked himself out, he may have performance issues, but who knows.

 

It any event, he just couldn't "hang with it," and ghosted.

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DF, they have met in person, gone out several times, see her other thread.

 

He disappeared immediately before meeting for the specific purpose to have sex for the first time and spend the weekend together.

 

Prior to, there was tons of discussing it and arranging for it (the sex).

 

Frankly I think too much, too much "build up."

 

He freaked himself out, he may have performance issues, but who knows.

 

It any event, he just couldn't "hang with it," and ghosted.

 

Oddly enough planning it for that Thursday was his idea and there was plenty of chemistry. We ended up making out the last date.

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