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Thread: my perfect relationship, her cruelty, my behaviour

  1. #1
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    my perfect relationship, her cruelty, my behaviour

    Hi,

    This is my first post...so bare with me..

    I was in an absolutely incredible relationship for about a year. I had genuinely come to the idea that she was the one. As the year progressed we supported each other well, each having issues to deal with and working on them together. She referred to me as her soulmate and that we were forever. I took this very seriously. After a particularly difficult incident that we both experienced, She became very withdrawn. Things became difficult and arguing ensued for about 6 weeks. During this time she left the city a couple of times. This led me to become needy and a little desperate, which led her to breaking up with me and saying that it had all become too much. I desperately tried to keep her friendship - this person was my best friend. I quickly realised (within a couple of days), that she was engaging in emotional communication with an old friend who she had had relations with before. I was very upset and mentioned this, she also went to stay with her where they slept together most of the week. Throughout the last 2 months since she left me, my behaviour has continued to be needy and I am actually quite disgusted in my behaviour. She has contacted me to advise me of good news she has received, she has allowed me to support her through a couple of turbulent incidents, she has resigned from work and chosen to leave the city, she has stated she would always be there for me and in the next breath threatened me with police contact...the last time I saw her she bought the new girl to my house to collect her last few belongings and I blew up saying it wasnt a good thing to do and stressed the hurt she had caused, and hoped one day she could reflect on her actions, along with wishing her luck and saying she can has the ability to do and be whatever she wants. She then blocked me from all communication and declared her new relationship to Facebook where we share a lot of mutual friends. She is extremely spur of the moment having over the last year applied for 3 different jobs, decided to start a course at the same uni as the new girlfriend and resigned from a job with nothing to go to. She has advised that I made her feel crazy (the last 6 weeks I stressed my worry for her several times), and has stated I make her feel unhealthy and that I terrify her.

    I have lost my best friend, I have struggled with my emotional behaviour, and I have also struggled with how push and pull she has been. I figure she will probably never contact me again, but I find it very difficult to understand how things went from the deepest of love to literally nothing and her moving on so quickly.

    Any insight would be massively appreciated.

  2. #2
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    Okay, let me start by saying the measure of oneís character is not how they act when things are hunky-dory but how they act when there is trouble and strife . So thatís number one .

    Number two she said she will always be there for you and then threatens you with the cops you run like hell .

    Just stay away from her and never contact her again ,like ever .

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    I guess my biggest issue is the 'why?'

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    You said it yourself - she is unstable, can't keep down a job, jumps quickly from one thing to the next, etc, etc, etc. Her running and moving on quickly and jumping into another relationship is very much on par with her overall character and behavior.

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    well yes. I think my difficulty is now how it has left me feeling. Betrayed, lost love, guilty, a little crazy perhaps. She told me her life coach said I'm a narcissist...I'm confident I'm not but what a thing to say...

    I think I have in my head as well that my emotional behaviour after we broke up pushed her to cut me off altogether. I guess I'm blaming myself for things because she told me so.

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    A life coach is a psychological professional? Not only that a life coach should not be diagnosing somebody they've never met .

    Believe me you are better off without her .

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    I know...I 100% percent know.

    I'm working on getting my head around the fact that the person I knew maybe never existed... she moved on pretty quickly, dropped me over and over again and dropped straight in to a new relationship. I just don't know what kind of a person behaves like this. I'm struggling as I have never been as emotionally battered as this I suppose!

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Have to agree with above that this is a bit absurd. You really are better off without her in your life. She actually sounds pretty toxic, in addition to being unstable, not to mention intentionally cruel. If you think about it - she is actually showing you who she really is - mean, cruel, unstable, playing mind games with you, blaming you for her own bad behavior, etc. This is not the kind of a person that you want in your life.

    Of course, it's easy to see that from the outside and hard for you to see right now. But I hope that with time, you do start to recognize the above and realize that you haven't lost anyone special, but rather dodged a bullet.

    If I were you, I'd block her from all of your social media and really make a point of going out and doing fun things for yourself. Take the time to treat yourself well for awhile. Get busy, enjoy yourself and you'll find that you don't miss her that much after all and after awhile you won't miss her bs at all.

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    That's true...

    Dodged a bullet is absolutely right. I know I'm best out of it...it's working out how to hammer than in my head I think.

    She has fully removed me from all methods of communication anyway. As soon as she left my house for the last time with the new girlfriend sat waiting in the car, she updated her facebook straight away to announce their relationship. That's never been a thing to me really, though I have realised that in this day and age it is apparently a big thing! I also appreciate in order to have been so desperately in love with me, and to announce a new relationship within 7 weeks of us breaking up that something was probably going on before that...

    I'm getting busy, I'm around friends, have taken some time and headed back to see some of my closest friends. I'm doing a lot of positive affirmation too as I'm working on rebuilding confidence!

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    She has stated that I ... terrify her.
    This is called "creep-shaming" (the female version of "slu7-shaming"). It's the perfect way to shut down an opposing argument. It turns the discussion into an emotional one, instead of a rational one.


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