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should i call my ex or move on


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Hi i have been in a relationship for 1 yr and loved him a lot. Starting 7-8 months i was very happy and used to feel so secure with him like even when says some other girl is hot i used to be like show me her pic and we used to discuss her. But then we had a very bad fight and i stopped talking to him for an week. During that week he met a girl who is his neighbor(who does not have car) and he became close to her like they used to go walking at night and get groceries together and he used to ask me to sleep or read a book so that he can chat with her at night(which was very special for me because we always used to chat for long hours until both are sleepy) and i got very jealous and asked him to stop talking with her or else i will break up with him.For which he convinced me that he will never first initiate any conversation with her and will just reply single word if she starts an conversion.From then onward we were not that close and i felt like he was slipping away from me. I used to become very emotional and always cry.He used come to apartment and talk to my roommate more than to me and i slowly started to hate her aswell and asked him to not talk to her also which he felt i was becoming more pscyo kind of girlfriend.Before he used to tell me when ever he went to strip club and what he and his friends did and all that. But slowly slowly he stopped telling me about everything.It was just good morning, good night.

And finally on the last day i ever saw him he was in my apartment and was talking to my roommate(whom he became very close in an best friend way only) when he knows for sure that i wont be in the apartment.I saw them on the coach and ignored them and went to my room straight . He messaged me after 10 mins to come out and sit with them for which i replied "you came to meet her so just do that and get away"after 5 mins he came to my room and says why are you so rude always and why cant we be like before for which i asked him to leave the house while i am still crying and dint allow him to touch me to wipe my tears also.After he left i messaged him saying its over and i don't want to talk to him forever and just blocked him everywhere.After 2 days i couldn't just stop caring for him and missed him a lot so called him again and said lets forget everything and be like before and i love him a lot. But he dint like that and was very rude to me(First time ever he was that rude).I know that i deserves it but he said he is not a robot and cannot be with someone who's controlling as me and his life is very good and happy without me(about past 2 days) he don't want me in his life and he would talk to both the girls(my roommate and his neighbor) . I said fine and cut the call and never have talked to him again.

 

Its been an year that incident happened and feel like i am kind of a pscyo for actually behaving like that and asking him to not to talk to any other girl. I feel terrible that i made the one guy that i love the most hate me because of my insecurity.I learnt from an common friend that he actually stopped talking to my roommate and his neighbor(was very happy when i got to know that He also inquires about where i am and how i am doing from my best friend. So should i call him and say sorry until he forgives me or else just forget about him and move. Its been 1yr since i have seen him but i stalk his instagram, facebook and other accounts.Does that mean i still love him.Even while writing this i feel very emotional.During the last 4 months of our relationship i always cried.Like once a week or sometimes daily. That's why i wanted to end that relation and am scared to call him also.

 

 

Please advice me

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Gee whiz, don't call him! He purposely acted the way he did by going out with his neighbor and talking to you roommate and pulling away from you so you would be forced to break up with him instead of him breaking up with you. He didn't want to do the actual dirty work, but he was checking out of the relationship long before the break out happened.

 

He's the villain here, not you. Imagine him plotting this out against you. And you're hurt because you are still in love. He's not. But you were not the one that broke up.

 

You're a good person. Put this swill behind you and find a nice guy who is deserving of your love.

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I agree with DanZee. If you do decide to call him just please understand that it will hurt more the second time around. You deserve a good guy who knows how lucky he is to have you and who wont have to resort to play with another person's feelings to to be in control. In the meantime look more closely into what is so enticing about this guy and what is the underlying relational dynamic (familiar to anything you ever experienced before) so that you dont fall prey to a similar situation.

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I feel like it was me because he was never rude to me and he was always the first one to talk or say sorry when we fight because in his own words maybe i can stop talking to him and move on but he would never be able to stop talking to me and can never move on.If it is my fault also he used to say sorry until i became normal and then used go on about how it was my fault but still made him suffer.

Last when he was very rude and said very hurtful things like the past 2 days was so peaceful and happy i felt very angry because i was crying for him to call me or talk to me but he dint and says he was happy and never thought about me.Then out of anger i just cut the call and dint not speak to him for a month. After that i start to miss him like crazy and felt like may i should call him and say sorry like he always used to do and did that again for which he said me to leave him and never call or msg again and just did that till now.

After that he used to tell the reason for our break up was because i asked him not to talk to other 2 girls and he felt like i was controlling his life. i never said to anyone that we broke up not even to my best friends. they thought something was wrong but they never asked.

It seems after we broke up he used to call my best frd and says we broke up because i wont let him talk to other girls mainly my roommate and his neighbor whom he thinks are very nice people and they actually used to ask him to get back together with me but i on the other side used to talk bad about them itseems. Then my friend was like if you want to talk about your relationship pls dont call me because how much ever you say i still believe that you shd stop talking to those girls when she said you to stop.Since you are an 21 yr old(then he was 21 now 22) i believe that you can decide between the girl who loved you and was always with you and whom you knew for 2 yrs and other girls whom you just know for 3-4 months ago.

few months ago when i was talking to her, she brought his topic saying he called me yesterday for which when i said we broke up long back,she told she already knew and told me evrything and also said that he stopped talking to my roommate and even changed his apartment so that he wont be able to talk to his neighbor.When she asked him to call me and say the same thing, he was like i wont talk to her(me).

 

So after i heard all these i felt like maybe he still loves me but he wants me to call him and say sorry so that we can get back together be happy like we used to be before all these non sense came into our life.

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I feel like it was me because he was never rude to me and he was always the first one to talk or say sorry when we fight because in his own words maybe i can stop talking to him and move on but he would never be able to stop talking to me and can never move on.If it is my fault also he used to say sorry until i became normal and then used go on about how it was my fault but still made him suffer.

 

Last when he was very rude and said very hurtful things like the past 2 days was so peaceful and happy i felt very angry because i was crying for him to call me or talk to me but he dint and says he was happy and never thought about me.Then out of anger i just cut the call and dint not speak to him for a month. After that i start to miss him like crazy and felt like may i should call him and say sorry like he always used to do and did that again for which he said me to leave him and never call or msg again and just did that till now.

After that he used to tell the reason for our break up was because i asked him not to talk to other 2 girls and he felt like i was controlling his life. i never said to anyone that we broke up not even to my best friends. they thought something was wrong but they never asked.

 

It seems after we broke up he used to call my best frd and says we broke up because i wont let him talk to other girls mainly my roommate and his neighbor whom he thinks are very nice people and they actually used to ask him to get back together with me but i on the other side used to talk bad about them itseems. Then my friend was like if you want to talk about your relationship pls dont call me because how much ever you say i still believe that you shd stop talking to those girls when she said you to stop.Since you are an 21 yr old(then he was 21 now 22) i believe that you can decide between the girl who loved you and was always with you and whom you knew for 2 yrs and other girls whom you just know for 3-4 months ago.

 

few months ago when i was talking to her, she brought his topic saying he called me yesterday for which when i said we broke up long back,she told she already knew and told me evrything and also said that he stopped talking to my roommate and even changed his apartment so that he wont be able to talk to his neighbor.When she asked him to call me and say the same thing, he was like i wont talk to her(me).

 

So after i heard all these i felt like maybe he still loves me but he wants me to call him and say sorry so that we can get back together be happy like we used to be before all these non sense came into our life.

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No, do not call him.

 

He doesn't sound like he was a good boyfriend, and nobody with any consideration for their ex would go cozying up to her own roommate after a break-up. You need to take this guy off the pedestal, OP.

 

I feel like it was me because he was never rude to me and he was always the first one to talk or say sorry when we fight because in his own words maybe i can stop talking to him and move on but he would never be able to stop talking to me and can never move on.If it is my fault also he used to say sorry until i became normal and then used go on about how it was my fault but still made him suffer.

Last when he was very rude and said very hurtful things like the past 2 days was so peaceful and happy i felt very angry because i was crying for him to call me or talk to me but he dint and says he was happy and never thought about me.Then out of anger i just cut the call and dint not speak to him for a month. After that i start to miss him like crazy and felt like may i should call him and say sorry like he always used to do and did that again for which he said me to leave him and never call or msg again and just did that till now.

After that he used to tell the reason for our break up was because i asked him not to talk to other 2 girls and he felt like i was controlling his life. i never said to anyone that we broke up not even to my best friends. they thought something was wrong but they never asked.

It seems after we broke up he used to call my best frd and says we broke up because i wont let him talk to other girls mainly my roommate and his neighbor whom he thinks are very nice people and they actually used to ask him to get back together with me but i on the other side used to talk bad about them itseems. Then my friend was like if you want to talk about your relationship pls dont call me because how much ever you say i still believe that you shd stop talking to those girls when she said you to stop.Since you are an 21 yr old(then he was 21 now 22) i believe that you can decide between the girl who loved you and was always with you and whom you knew for 2 yrs and other girls whom you just know for 3-4 months ago.

few months ago when i was talking to her, she brought his topic saying he called me yesterday for which when i said we broke up long back,she told she already knew and told me evrything and also said that he stopped talking to my roommate and even changed his apartment so that he wont be able to talk to his neighbor.When she asked him to call me and say the same thing, he was like i wont talk to her(me).

 

So after i heard all these i felt like maybe he still loves me but he wants me to call him and say sorry so that we can get back together be happy like we used to be before all these non sense came into our life.

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You need to forgive yourself. It has been a year.

Why are you still holding on to the guilt?

 

He knows how to get in contact with you if he chooses.

Men chase what they want. And he's not doing that.

 

Do not call him. Bringing up the past will only cause you more pain, especially if he rejects you.

Work on your insecurities and emotions. i hope you find peace with this.

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Yes its been an year and i still think of him.We haven't seen each other since we both graduated.I waited for him to call me and say that he got the job for which we both prepared for together, for him to wish me on my birthday. I remember crying all night on his birthday and how much i wanted to call him and say that i got my first job. Guess i have to stop thinking about him on my happy and sad days from here on.Last week my boss was upset with me and i so wanted to talk to him and share my thoughts.but since he was not anymore with me i just got all emotional and soooo wanted to call him and posted on this thread.

I guess i just needed to talk and let it all out because i have never talked about our breakup with anybody for 1yr. Maybe some how i was expecting this all to be joke and he will one day call me and everything will be back to normal.Guess i should just accept have to accept that he is not in my life anymore and he is not mine and move on.

 

Thank you guys for all the support and advice.

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