FWB arrangement left me confused

So I have always had a thing for this girl's mother that I knew. I have wanted her since I was 16, and she confessed the same to me. She waited until I was 18 and we hooked up, but didn't have sex because she didn't want to move too fast since I was her youngest. We got into a fight when it almost leaked out and stopped talking. We reconnected this year. I am now 29, and she is 49. One day we both admitted we still had a thing for each other, so we decided to make it happen. The sex was amazing. She texted me that night telling me how much she enjoyed it and was so happy we did it. She said we have great chemistry, and I am very intimate and affectionate with her. The next day she texted me all day and said she was worried that the longer we did this, the harder it would be for one of us to walk away. I told her she made it clear on what this was, so she didn't have to worry about me. We texted everyday, until a week later, she said she thought this over again and said she didn't want to be a hookup. She said we got it out of our systems and it's done.

We still kept in touch, and towards the end of April, she asked me to go to her job for dinner. We joked about me staying over, but I could tell she wanted it. She texted me once she was out of work at 2AM and told me to come over, so I did, and we had sex. The next morning we did it again. When I left, she texted me telling me how great of a time we had, and she loved my affection, and how I held her all night. I even woke up that morning to her holding my hand. Things were going so well that it felt like we were dating. Cooking each other breakfast, texting all day, even bringing me lunches to work. I even hung out at her house when she wasn't home. She called me her baby boy, babe, sweet stuff, etc. She loved the sex and constantly told me how amazing it was, especially since I could give her an orgasm. Two weeks into it she said we can't continue this sexual relationship if it can't be serious, and she said it can't be because of our age difference, and me knowing her daughter. Yet she wanted to keep in touch and be friends and hangout, so we kept in touch. We kept in touch and texted here and there during the Summer. I went two weeks without texting her, and once I talked to her again she responded immediately, and even said she wanted to go out for dinner. She even told me how she saw on FB that we were both at the same beach on the same day one weekend, and how she didn't see me anywhere and looked for me.

So I tried taking her out but she keeps saying she's busy. When I tried setting a date, no answer. I finally asked her what's up, and if she actually wants to hang out. I called her out on flaking and said to just be honest about hanging out or not. It turned into this big argument for no reason. She said she thought about it and said it isn't a good idea to hang out because I have too much tension built up. I told her all I am doing is keeping in touch like she asked. She says the fling lasted too long, although it was for like 2 weeks. Then she said I can't handle flings because I'm not letting this go, and I'm too "fragile" to do one. She says we can be friends but we can't hangout. A week later, we talked and even flirted like we never fought. I also got a happy birthday text on my actual birthday that week as well. At this point, I was already beginning to move on and live my life, so I continued to do so. I have lost 116 lbs since 2014, and women definitely notice it now. So I have gotten back into the dating world and have gone on a few dates and started talking to other women. I ran into a woman from my past who has said mean and disgusting comments about my weight before in the past, who suddenly thinks I am attractive. It pissed me off, so I wrote a status on FB about how classic people in our society behave and shared me experience.

She comes out of nowhere and comments saying I sound harsh and that people like a mixture of personality and looks. I defended and explained why I felt the way I did, which caused my post to go viral because she kept commenting. The next day she told me she felt like the post was directed towards her, as well as a bunch of my previous ones. None of my posts were about her at all, especially the one she commented on. She wouldn't even tell me which previous posts she claims were about her. No matter how much I explained myself, she didn't believe me. We fought for 4 days about this. At one point, I told her this was ridiculous, and asked how would she like it if I came at her like that and accused her statuses being about me, and used a few as examples. She ended up getting mad and decided to unfriend me and block me. We fought some more, and then apologized. However, she said she can't have me as a FB friend anymore because she said she can't take another day of seeing my statuses and wondering if they're about her. She also said we didn't have to keep in touch. A week later, we are once again talking like we never fought. These past two weeks though, she has not answered any of texts or calls, so I have left it be.

This entire situation has left me so confused. I don't understand what she wants, and quite frankly, I don't think she knows what she wants either. Any feedback and advice would be great.

Well, I'm sure my response won't be popular but as far as I'm concerned, this woman is a pedophile who has screwed with your psyche.

Block and delete her because she's sick and she's holding you back from finding a good woman your own age who won't screw you up like this over-the-hill bimbo has done to you.

Block her from all social media and do your best to forget her and what she's caused you mentally.

Let this one go. Far too much drama for someone who isn't prepared to make any kind of commitment to you.

It sounds like you're an attractive young guy who needs to get on with his life! There will be plenty of women who would be happy to have a relationship with you, with no game-playing or flipping back and forth; go and find one.

She's playing with your head. Snapping you back and forth like a yo-yo. Time to get on with your life with a nice, younger woman.

You need to forget about her once and for all.

The huge red flag was that she had any remote interest in a teen when she herself was in her late 30s, back when you first met each other. I am 36 now, and I cannot fathom feeling any sexual attraction toward someone so young. That is not a shot at you, to be clear. But you were a child and she was an adult. To me, that says an awful lot about this woman's mentality and poor judgment.

And to be honest, I don't think she's matured much since then either. Her current behaviour is quite juvenile for a middle-aged woman.

It's time you finally let this go. It's not going anywhere and you're wasting your best years on a woman who is not going to be your girlfriend.

Thank you all for your feedback so far. I had suspected she was playing head games, but I also suspect she developed feelings for me and just doesn't want to admit it. The FB incident sounded like jealousy to me; she was upset I was moving on first and got mad I was talking to other women. (Again, just speculation.) Although she is very proud that I went back to school and got a career in my field before graduating, she gave enough hints that it intimidated her since her job is with pay. (Her words, not mine.) She constantly told me how smart I am, how mature I am for my age, and commending me on being able to cook, clean, and pretty much being domesticated lol. I feel like she's insecure, she's immature, and she's confused and doesn't know what she wants.

The fling felt more like a relationship. One night, we both held each other in our arms and gazed into each other's eyes whispering what facial features about each other we love while giving each other little kisses here and there. When we would argue, it was stuff couples would argue about. People keep telling me she will be back when she's lonely, but right now I just don't see that happening.

I agree. I wasn't looking for a relationship with her, but just wanted some answers. She constantly stated in the beginning of this is was to get it out of our systems, and we could never be anything due to me knowing her daughter and the age difference. We did not have sex when I was 18; we just made out and did some foreplay.

The FB incident sounded like jealousy to me; she was upset I was moving on first and got mad I was talking to other women.

May well be jealousy, but that doesn't necessarily mean that she has feelings for you. Sadly, there are people around who don't want someone as a partner, but don't want anyone else to have them either.

May well be jealousy, but that doesn't necessarily mean that she has feelings for you. Sadly, there are people around who don't want someone as a partner, but don't want anyone else to have them either.

You are correct. But I wasn't looking for a relationship with her. We both agreed we wanted to be single for awhile and wanted to do this for as long as possible. Yet once we went back on, it was for two weeks. I am sure she's jealous and just doesn't want to see me with anyone even if she doesn't want me, yet I still find her behavior odd. I truly think she developed feelings and that upset her because she knew what this was, constantly reminded me about it, yet ended up being the one that fell for me. She doesn't know it, but I did develop some feelings for her too, because I could sense her feelings for me.

Everyone keeps telling me her not responding right now means nothing, because she will make contact one she's lonely.

You need to forget about her once and for all.

 

The huge red flag was that she had any remote interest in a teen when she herself was in her late 30s, back when you first met each other. I am 36 now, and I cannot fathom feeling any sexual attraction toward someone so young. That is not a shot at you, to be clear. But you were a child and she was an adult. To me, that says an awful lot about this woman's mentality and poor judgment.

 

And to be honest, I don't think she's matured much since then either. Her current behaviour is quite juvenile for a middle-aged woman.

 

It's time you finally let this go. It's not going anywhere and you're wasting your best years on a woman who is not going to be your girlfriend.

Do you think she's playing games? People keep saying even though it looks like she walked away from this, that I'll get a text when she feels lonely.

She was clear with you from the beginning that this is nothing but a casual fling. Nothing has changed except that you are trying to read more into this - feelings. She is also correct that you aren't cut out for flings precisely because you immediately started to get attached. That's OK, lots of people are like that. It's just that it's important to recognize that quality about yourself so that you know for the future and so don't get involved with highly questionable flings, but rather seek a proper long term partner for yourself.

It also sounds like due to your past weight issues you are carrying some emotional baggage and resentments about that that you might want to speak to a therapist about. Physical attraction or lack of is just reality and nothing to get angry or resentful about. Think on it - are you attracted physically to every single woman you see? NO. Some you are, some you aren't. Those you aren't, you aren't exactly looking at them thinking that they are gross, they simply don't match your personal internal picture of the person you'd be attracted to. That's just normal.

The FB incident sounded like jealousy to me; she was upset I was moving on first and got mad I was talking to other women.

I don't think it was jealousy. I think she may have been genuinely paranoid that your post was about her.

I think this woman is bad, bad news.

She was clear with you from the beginning that this is nothing but a casual fling. Nothing has changed except that you are trying to read more into this - feelings. She is also correct that you aren't cut out for flings precisely because you immediately started to get attached. That's OK, lots of people are like that. It's just that it's important to recognize that quality about yourself so that you know for the future and so don't get involved with highly questionable flings, but rather seek a proper long term partner for yourself.

 

It also sounds like due to your past weight issues you are carrying some emotional baggage and resentments about that that you might want to speak to a therapist about. Physical attraction or lack of is just reality and nothing to get angry or resentful about. Think on it - are you attracted physically to every single woman you see? NO. Some you are, some you aren't. Those you aren't, you aren't exactly looking at them thinking that they are gross, they simply don't match your personal internal picture of the person you'd be attracted to. That's just normal.

She was clear in the beginning, but once we hooked up, she was everywhere. She wanted to text every day. Once she said there are times where she wants to tell me she loves me. She once told me I need to, "step up and be that man around the house, and I see something that needs to be done, do it." She said not only would it make her happy to see that the guy who she's currently sleeping with wants to take care of her, but it'll make her feel good knowing I want to take care of her in more ways than one. You don't say that to someone if it's just a casual fling. Boyfriends/fiancés/husbands "step up and be that man." Not a guy you're just having casual sex with.

She always brought up certain female friends of mine and once told me she'd make my life a living hell if I was talking or sleeping with any of them while I was with her. Even though I assured her I have never, no will I ever do anything with those girls, she brought them up all the time. It's hard to not get feelings when your lives get intertwined like how ours were. We knew each other's work schedules and had set times to talk on the phone. We would text all throughout the day. I would wake up to good morning texts with the kissy emoji. She once through a fit at work because her boss was nearby so she couldn't kiss me goodbye, and I was going back top her house to wait for her!

I don't think I got attached, because when the fling ended, I enjoyed my Summer with family and friends and kept myself busy, and even got back into the dating world. I would text her once every week, or every other week just saying hi, since she said she wanted us to keep in touch.

I don't think it was jealousy. I think she may have been genuinely paranoid that your post was about her.

 

I think this woman is bad, bad news.

She said she felt it was about her because she won't hangout with me. The post was clearly about a woman from my past who said messed up comments about my weight when I once asked her out, who is know drooling over me, even with having a boyfriend. the topic was how society never ceases to amaze me. A blind man would even agree nothing about that was directed towards her. So either her paranoia is that bad to where she should seek help, or she got jealous.

I'm curious to think why it is you say she's bad news.

I think she is bad news because her paranoia (and her behavior in general) is so bad that she should seek help. A person who is aged 36 - 49, who behaves in the way that you describe in your first post alone, has big issues.

I'm curious to think why it is you say she's bad news.

I agree with Jibralta that she's bad news, not just because of the age difference and game-playing, but because she wants you to play the role of dedicated partner whilst she was quite clear at the start that it was just a casual fling for her. This is about control, not love. Control is often an underlying issue where there's a significant age difference between two partners.

Yes, agree. It's a control issue.

I agree with Jibralta that she's bad news, not just because of the age difference and game-playing, but because she wants you to play the role of dedicated partner whilst she was quite clear at the start that it was just a casual fling for her. This is about control, not love. Control is often an underlying issue where there's a significant age difference between two partners.

Wow, I didn't look at it that way. So she knew what she wanted (sort of) out of this the whole time then? So even though it's been two weeks since we've spoken, she still thinks I'm "hers?" Like in terms of she controls me? Is this why people keep telling me it doesn't matter if I ignore her, because she will contact me if she's horny and lonely?

Wow, I didn't look at it that way. So she knew what she wanted (sort of) out of this the whole time then? So even though it's been two weeks since we've spoken, she still thinks I'm "hers?" Like in terms of she controls me? Is this why people keep telling me it doesn't matter if I ignore her, because she will contact me if she's horny and lonely?

She may well not have formulated a plan right from the beginning, but when you were prepared to meet her demands she carried on making them - and THEN made it sound as though she was doing you a favour! And yes, she probably does look upon you as "hers". Again, this is all about control and a sense of entitlement to another person... and I think your friends are right when they say she'll contact you when she's horny and lonely.

When guys do this, it's commonly known as a "booty call".

She may well not have formulated a plan right from the beginning, but when you were prepared to meet her demands she carried on making them - and THEN made it sound as though she was doing you a favour! And yes, she probably does look upon you as "hers". Again, this is all about control and a sense of entitlement to another person... and I think your friends are right when they say she'll contact you when she's horny and lonely.

 

When guys do this, it's commonly known as a "booty call".

Wow, this makes a lot of sense. Well, she hasn't responded to my one text I sent her last week, and the week before, so that's why I thought she walked away. I have backed off since then, and she can think whatever she wants but I am not hers. I still don't fully agree with my friends, but if she does text me, I will not fall for her games. She has caused enough confusion for me as it is.

Do you think she's playing games? People keep saying even though it looks like she walked away from this, that I'll get a text when she feels lonely.

Why would you want to be there for someone when they're lonely ONLY.

She's got issues and she's making you lose out on your own good dating years which you should be working on so that you find a DECENT woman worth being the mother of your children for goodness sakes.

Don't let her hoover you back for more of her BS. Don't EVER let someone use you like you're hoping she does.

*Can you even imagine how your friend (her daughter) would react if she were ever to find out what a piece of work her mother is and what you've been doing with her?* 0.o

Controlling behavior is often more reactive than premeditated. She probably doesn't operate by a plan, just by the feeling of whether she's getting enough attention or not. So yeah, she'll probably call again when she needs another charge. But it's all about her and whether she's getting what she wants. You are, unfortunately, a means to an end. So, if I were you, I'd concentrate on those other girls that you've been talking to.

Let her go. It's not going to work. You should not have gotten emotionally invested in someone that older than you while you were that young. Sorry, but she messed with you and what she did was wrong. She even knows it too.

Side-bar: by the way, stop trying to solve society's problems on social media. It's f****** annoying and you'll just end up making a jerk out of yourself as you probably already have done.

Controlling behavior is often more reactive than premeditated. She probably doesn't operate by a plan, just by the feeling of whether she's getting enough attention or not. So yeah, she'll probably call again when she needs another charge. But it's all about her and whether she's getting what she wants. You are, unfortunately, a means to an end. So, if I were you, I'd concentrate on those other girls that you've been talking to.

That's very true. Somewhere along the way, she realized she struck gold and could turn me into her "d*** in a glass," and knew I would fall for it. So her ignoring me the past two weeks is just because she doesn't need the attention right now. But when she does need it, she won't get it from me.

So she and I talked yesterday. It was going well, until I apparently said something that, "rubbed her the wrong way." She told me she was going to block my number now. This was while I was at work, so by the time I saw her text saying she was going to block my number, two hours had passed. Yet I called her number, and it rang and went to voicemail like a normal call.

Me being in IT, I know all the signs when someone blocks a number. Was she just making empty threats?