My fiancé calls me names

Hi I need advice please. This morning me and my fiancé had a silly argument over him waking me up really early on his phone. I could hear him texting and asked him to go into the spare room so I could sleep. He started to get snappy and called me a scumbag and screamed at me and told me to off. I ended up sleeping on the couch in the end. He barely apologized to me and we got into another argument. I packed my bags and told him I was leaving. Is that right to do.".

Yes that is the right thing. He is abusive, leave as quickly as you can

Yes that is the right thing. He is abusive, leave as quickly as you can

Yeh I was thinking that he basically said I made him angry, that’s why he called me names he is blaming it on me

Yes, he's demonstrated what he's all about. That said...believe him.

Whatever happened after you two were on the verge of breaking up once he caught you going through his phone? Why was your default to ask him to leave the room rather than to silence his phone so that they key-tone gets muted? Whose house / bed is it?

Assuming you literally only asked him to leave and he took your one question and went from 0 to 60, regardless of the context, it's of course not excusable. Whether he's a full-on Disney villain depends on the context.

In your thread from 11 days ago, you said you don't trust him:

You feel that his ex-wife, the mother of his 3 kids, is around too much, calls too much, texts too much, and that it has led you to a path of insecurity and snooping.

So, this morning, when he was texting, my guess is, you probably thought he was texting her? And then when you asked him to stop because it woke you up, he called you all sorts of horrible names.

I just got out of a relationship, so forgive me if the tons of research I have done for my own situation comes into play here. I think your partner is Narcissistic. I think your fears and feelings about this ex are right, and I think that he is making you out to be the insecure one, making you doubt yourself.

There is a cycle in Narcissistic relationships: Idealize, Devalue, and Discard. My guess is, he idealized you for a while, telling you that you were the best thing since sliced bread. Now, he is devaluing you, via these vile comments. In narcissistic relationships, they always have someone else to fee their narc ego, in this case, his ex. He may have others, which is what has led you to feel the need to snoop.

I could be totally wrong, but this has all the elements. Other people on this board have been PM'ing me since I have started writing about this, as it's so common, and the relationships all play out almost exactly the same way:

Person A comes on really strong, forming a super close bond.

Person B starts to feel uncomfortable, as there is texting, secretive behavior from Partner A.

Partner A denies, deletes texts, makes Partner B feel insecure and needy.

Partner A begins devaluing Partner B via mean little comments.

Partner A then "hoovers" Partner B back in, saying the same sweet "nothings" that sucked Partner B in, in the first place.

Partner B goes back, forgives Partner A, and the cycle continues.

Until Partner A lines up "someone better", or "someone else", and then Partner A drops Partner B like the hottest potato.

----- PM me if you want.

I know I'll get flack on this board, as not all relationships are like this. I just see elements here, and I've now read hundreds of blogs, watched dozens of hours of videos, and read many books. Flame me all you want.

You don't trust him, you can't stand his ex-wife (who will ALWAYS be a part of his life), you are constantly anxious and snooping and looking over your shoulder waiting for the other shoe to drop. It has created an environment of constant tension and unpleasantness, which then resulted in this kind of an explosion.

Anyway, you are absolutely correct to leave and probably should have done it sooner. This was never the right relationship for you and was never going to work out. Going forward, be sure that you don't settle for someone whose life situation makes you uncomfortable. Instead, look for a guy who is single, no kids, no ex's lurking in the background, who is stable, honest and straightforward. In the right relationship with the right person, you will feel safe and secure instead of anxious. Sometimes anxiety is nature's way of telling you to get out.

I'm 24 and my partner is 35 and has 3 kids

ahh shauna , do you realise just how much you have taken on ...and now he talks to you like this . I agree with everyone else , follow your gut .

His phone was on silent I could hear him tapping and it was annoying me. It’s his house but I live here 2 years.

Ya know what your 100% right