Wanting To Be With Loved One In After-Life

Has anyone who has ever lost a loved one with whom they were extremely close and loved dearly ever thought about taking his/her own life so as to be with that person again in the after-life?

Taking one's life is typically associated with those suffering depression or unable to cope with life for some other reason.

But what about simply missing someone who has passed soooooo much that you just want to be with them again?

What is that about? Is it wrong? Does it indicate some deeper issue within the person who wants to take his/her life for this reason?

I am having these thoughts lately. My dad is really the only man I ever felt truly comfortable talkng and opening up with, who understood me, and who I believe loved me and accepted me for ME.

He died after a bad fall and bleeding in his brain, but prior to that I recall him standing in front of his closet and not recognizing where he was!

My brother said same thing when our dad was visiting him.

Our dad didnt know where he was, was confused and scared.

My dad was a US Marine, never scared of anything!

These thoughts haunt me and sometimes I think about taking my own life so I can be with him and offer the comfort I never did when he was alive. He died three years ago.

I am crying as I write this.

What's wrong with me?

Thanks in advance for any insight.

You are in mourning. There is nothing wrong with you. It is deeply painful to lose someone you love. It's super hard to watch someone you love transform into someone you don't recognize in their later days. To watch your Dad go from a strong component father to scared and confused is heart breaking. Have you thought of seeing a grieving councilor?

Personally? I don't have that line of thought because I don't believe in the after life. The only way I can be close to people who are gone is by remembering them, honoring them and keeping them close to my heart. Because once I'm dead I won't be able to do any of those things... because I will be dead.

You are in mourning. There is nothing wrong with you. It is deeply painful to lose someone you love. It's super hard to watch someone you love transform into someone you don't recognize in their later days. To watch your Dad go from a strong component father to scared and confused is heart breaking. Have you thought of seeing a grieving councilor?

 

Personally? I don't have that line of thought because I don't believe in the after life. The only way I can be close to people who are gone is by remembering them, honoring them and keeping them close to my heart. Because once I'm dead I won't be able to do any of those things... because I will be dead.

Thanks that makes sense but it's been three years!

Will I ever stop being in mourning?

Yes I saw a grief counselor for a few months and attended support group.

I believed I was past it finally, but then these thoughts come.

I never admitted this (to myself) but my brother finally convinced me our dad was suffering the early stages of Alzheimers.

He was only 72.

Thanks that makes sense but it's been three years!

 

Will I ever stop being in mourning?

 

Yes I saw a grief counselor for a few months and attended support group.

 

I believed I was past it finally, but then these thoughts come.

 

I never admitted this (to myself) but my brother finally convinced me our dad was suffering the early stages of Alzheimers.

 

He was only 72.

I had a grandparent who started going down hill fast at 67 form Alzheimers.

And grief is never fully done. It'll comes in waves for the rest of your life.

If you are having serious suicidal ideations you might consider finding another councilor or therapist. But if you are just wondering if you are alone, you aren't. The human heart does amazing things in the face of loss. It sounds like you are doing really well in the face of something deeply hard.

I won't be having a best man at my wedding because the man who should have left Iraq with me but didn't. I can't say it's on level with losing a parent, but I can definitely relate to having hope for a reunification, and I don't even necessarily believe in an afterlife.

But it worries me that you've got so much emotionally riding on that prospect that you would think about killing yourself, though. Are you in any sort of therapy, Katrina?

Your Dad wouldn't have wanted you to be like this. No doubt he loved you very much. He wants the best in life for you and wouldn't want you to be suffering like this.

It's okay to mourn our loved ones and a part of us will always miss them, but you still have life to live and I bet your Dad would want you to be happy and have a good life.

Your time will come eventually when you will be with him again.None of us live forever. But for the time being, do your best to heal, and to remember good memories of him but to live as good of a life as you can to honor him. I know he would want that because he loved you.

Stay strong, you can do this.

My best friend ended her life a month after her boyfriend died. She wrote about it in her letter to her friends.

If you kill yourself to end your suffering, you leave your pain on someone else's doorstep. Please think about your fiends and family and how hurt they would be if you had taken your own life. It's not worth it.

Please go get some help.

Thank you guys.

I woke up feeling a bit better, rose you're right, it comes in waves. And special thanks for saying I'm not alone. I feel like I am sometimes, so hearing I am not is comforting.

I have always considered myself to be a very happy and positive person, so when these thoughts come, they really throw me off.

I'll be fine.

j.man, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend in Iraq.

I am not currently in therapy, frankly when I was it didn't help me much, but the grief support group did. So may go that route again.

Mostly, I feel silly for not having moved on from this, again it's been three years.

I've shared my thoughts with one of my brothers, who is a very very strong person, and HE said he still thinks of him and misses him all the time too. Sheds some tears from time to time about it even.

Anyway, thanks again for listening and not judging. You the best.

Katrina, you will always miss your parents don’t feel silly. My mom lost her parents 40 years ago and she still misses them. The grief is not so powerful but comes up at times. One always misses their parents.

Right now I am looking after my FIL who has Parkinson’s with dementia. He is 85. It is hard to watch them go this way for sure.

Katrina, you sweet poor thing.

It is normal to have those feelings. It would just be a catastrophe if you carried that out. Your father would not want that for you.

Three years is no time at all and this is your father you were close to. It took me a year and half to accept the fact that my husband/ father of my child, was not coming back. In this life anyway.

But in that time I bet you've grown stronger and you will continue to. Your having a weak moment. And it's ok. You can rise above it.

Make a fun plan. A trip. Try something new that you enjoy. Find a charity or cause to assist and help someone else. Anything to take you mind a different direction. You are important and your life is meaningful!!!

Give yourself a break. Don't be too hard on you.

I will pray for you to get past this

I feel you, Katrina. I lost my Dad five years ago (just two weeks before my daughters wedding) and I still get a wave of grief every now and then. I have a photo of him when he was a young man which helps me with the pains of mourning as it shows me that he lived a full life. He was 89 when he passed away.

Find something that you can hold onto of his when you're feeling that wave. It will bring you closer to him without resorting to drastic measures.

(( e-hugs ))

Oh Katrina. . .I just saw this and wanted to send a hug.

I don't know if I can say anything to lesson your grief but. . Saying goodbye to love ones is a natural (yet painful) part of life. We all do it. . every day.

My father passed away 10 years ago and I am often caught off guard by the grief. I was at a wedding not too long ago where I had to excuse myself

during the father/daughter dance. I was embarrassed by the tears running down my face that I couldn't stop.

A friend of mine posted something on facebook about grieving. I just went back to look for it and couldn't find it. I won't even try to quote it but it mentions that

grief never really leaves us, we just learn to compartmentalize it and expect it flush up once in while.

Keep your Dad's memories alive. It's all we can do. He would be so proud of the strong daughter he raised. At the same time you don't have to be brave all the time.

Just know it's all normal and part of life.

I often close my eyes and conjure up my Dad's voice, his hands, the khaki pants he always wore, the twinkle in his eyes when he spoke to me. I fight it but the memories

start to fade in time. I guess it's just the way it's suppose to be, so we carry on because that's what they would want us to do.

((hugs))

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This picture is of myself and my dad when I was about 8.

I recently printed up on a canvas and it looks like a water color piece of art.

It's handing in my bedroom. Love it more than words. .

You guys are so the best, thank you!

I was actually a bit scared to start this thread as I sort of expected some folks to tell me to "just get over it already."

I dated a man last year who told me that when I was having a "moment."

Last night was a bad night. I am so glad I created this thread though, it really helped.

I know it's crazy to want to end it all, my dad would never forgive, plus I have lots to live for.

Hoping to meet a man someday who loves, accepts and understands me the way he did.

Well, not quite the same, he was my dad after all. So his love was different, unconditional.

I don't think romantic love is unconditional, but hopefully you know what I meant.

reinvent, for some reason, I couldn't open the attachment. But I am sure it's precious and I love water-color!

And thanks for the hugs! Right back at ya.

Hi Katrina, people here are going to think I'm a little crazy but I'm going to suggest something to you that helped me immensely. A few months after my father passed away I had a session with a psychic medium. You've probably seen them on shows like Oprah and Dr Phil. If you believe in the afterlife as I do, it might not seem that far fetched to you that the medium was able to bring through credible messages from my dad. She passed along things that she could never have known and my dad didn't know while I was alive. For example, I started golfing after my dad died, out of the blue. The first thing she mentioned was the golfing and how he wanted me to keep it up. Anyhow if you want to consider it her name is Psychic Medium Michelle Beltran.

Your father is in a wonderful place now and very much wants you to be happy and to fulfill your own life purpose!! He would never want you to keep grieving like this.

Please don't toy with the idea of suicide. You came here for a purpose. You would immediately regret it and feel like a failure. After a brief reunion with your dad you'd be sent right back to complete your mission.

Good luck to you.

Hi wilyone, I don't think you're crazy and I've actually thought about it.

But honestly I think it would scare me.

Or maybe not, I don't know.

How would I go about finding a reputable one?

So many quacks out there, you know?

Can you PM me and tell me the name of the medium you saw?

Are you in the US?

Hi Katrina, I included the name of the medium in my message above, Michelle Beltran. You can google it and she'll come up. My dad had a terminal disease. A few months before he passed, we actually used Michelle to contact his own mother. It was profound. Granted it's not easy for these mediums to communicate with the spirit, the messages come through in pictures and symbols that the medium then has to decipher. When my father passed I reached out to Michelle pretty quickly and she said we needed to wait a few months. She's definitely not out for your money and the cost was pretty reasonable in my view. Also she recorded it for me. I live in the US and this was all done by telephone.

I totally understand you're being a little scared. I haven't had the urge to do it again since but it brought me a lot of peace.

Good luck to you!

For some reason I have better luck sharing photos from my phone.

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I'm sorry for your loss and for what you're going through. I'm glad there's so much helpful insight on this thread for you!

That photo is amazing, Reinventmyself.

For some reason I have better luck sharing photos from my phone.

 

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reinvent, that photo is so precious, thank you for sharing.

 

Nearly brought tears (sentimental tears as I've shared many special moments like that with my dad too.

 

When I was around 10, he taught me how to sail, a catamaran for racing on the Long Island Sound (an estuary of the Atlantic for those not familiar). I didn't start racing till I was 15 or so, but the photo is priceless! Black and white, totally spontaneous, those are the best!

 

I may upload that one, it's one of my favs!

I'm sorry for your loss and for what you're going through. I'm glad there's so much helpful insight on this thread for you!

Thanks Batya.

l think it's perfectly natural to feel something like all these things and thoughts after losing someone so special.

l've often thought if l was lucky enough to have a long loving marriage l'd wanna go with her.

l've also always hoped l could have something like the relationship you and your dad had , with my daughter one day. We're doing ok but l'd love her to be able to say those things about me one day too.

He must've been really really proud of you two,

Often I consciously think about being reunited with several members of my family who have passed a long time ago. I have my own reasons to believe in an afterlife which have nothing to do with religion. I have had some difficult times and thought as you do, but it's my pets that keep me here. I need to take care of them.

I would like to add that I was terribly disappointed when I attended a person who claims to be a medium and who was recommended to me. It actually made my grief worse. I haven't attempted that since, but in private, I "speak to the dky" and tell them I miss them and love them - and I do believe there has been the very odd occasion for me to believe they have been near me.

Often I consciously think about being reunited with several members of my family who have passed a long time ago. I have my own reasons to believe in an afterlife which have nothing to do with religion. I have had some difficult times and thought as you do, but it's my pets that keep me here. I need to take care of them.

 

I would like to add that I was terribly disappointed when I attended a person who claims to be a medium and who was recommended to me. It actually made my grief worse. I haven't attempted that since, but in private, I "speak to the dky" and tell them I miss them and love them - and I do believe there has been the very odd occasion for me to believe they have been near me.

Ty so much for responding Silverbirch, and yeah what you wrote is precisely why I won't be going the "medium" route, although happy it worked out for wilyone.

I'm sad tonight not sure why. Well, kind of know why just don't why it's affecting me this much.

It's about a guy I can't seem to shake, even despite a great date last night with a new guy.

One of those nights wish I could talk to my dad about it, HE would know exactly what to say to make me feel better.

Think I might anyway, and hope he hears me.

I am not "religious" either but DO believe in after-life.

I don't think our spirits ever die.