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My (ex?) girlfriend has anorexia and it probably destroyed our relationship - what to do?


Anorex

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Hello.

 

I would like to tell my story.

 

I am a 22 year-old male dating an 18 year-old female, though we have probably broken up today.

 

This is our story....

 

I met her in late June of this year while pointlessly clicking on Tinder. She immediately replied and seemingly had no idea how Tinder worked, which is why she was so friendly and nice on it. I managed to get her number straight away and she deleted her Tinder acc about an hour later, after she started getting first messages with sexual offers.

 

So, we got onto WhatsApp and started talking to each other. It turned out she was just 18 at the time but seemed very mature and intelligent for any age. I was awestruck by this, as I was currently dealing with a tiresome fling with a girl I wasn't really attracted to who was creating constant issues. This experience seemed like switching over from hell to heaven. She was always so nice to me, wished me a good morning every morning, a good night every night.

She is from a small town that's about 30 miles from a much bigger city I live in and I have a car so the distance didn't seem that much of an issue. She will be moving to my city around this time next year for reasons unrelated to our relationship. She was also a virgin so I had no intention of trying to get her to have sex with me on our first date or anything like that. I just wanted to enjoy her in real life as much as I did on WhatsApp and hoped it would be the same way in real life.

 

We first met less than a week after encountering each other on Tinder. She arrived by train to my city, as it had been easier for her that way as she has a really controlling mother who doesn't even want to let her out sometimes. It was a bit awkward at first but we went to this huge park and soon had our first kiss and spent the day walking around and kissing on park benches. It was truly amazing. When she finally departed that night I knew it was the beginning of something special. After this first meeeting we would often talk of getting married one day and how many kids we would have, that kind of stuff. It wasn't too serious but I really believed I will marry her one day and that I have found the one in this crazy, degenerate world.

 

However, the next day first problems that will lead to disastrous events later happened before June ended. She had pains in her stomach and didn't know their cause. However, as she was in nursing school she believed it had to do with an inflamed appendix. She ended up in both the local hospital and a hospital in my city (where I was able to give her a quick visit) before we really met for the second time. In any case, her stays were brief as doctors decided not to operate at that time.

When we finally met on a second date (around July 20) it in a small place near her town, about 5 miles away or so. It was even more magical. I will never ever forget that day, the way I held her, the way her lips moved under mine, the way we walked around in sweltering heat... During the end of the day I saw her experience stomach pains again and her agonized look. I was devastated I couldn't do anything for her and was even afraid to let her back to her house alone. I offered to take her home despite what her parents might say but she feebly declined so I didn't press the issue. Writing this, I can't believe this was to likely be the last time I will ever see her again.

 

She was due to finally come to my house about 4 days later but described syptoms so painful that I instead told her to call the hospital, which she did. She was hospitalized and had her appendix removed in late July. It seemed that our troubles were finally ending. Or were they?

Her recovery was extremely slow. Due to incompetent doctors at that small hospital her would got infected. But there was something else. She would describe symptoms of dizziness, fatigue and anemia. She complained of hardly being able to eat. She passed out at least once during her hospital stay. For reasons related to hospital policy I couldn't visit her at all. It took her over 3 weeks to finally leave the hospital and when she did she described herself as extremely weak and exhausted, being unable to even walk properly. We had initially arranged for us to meet on August 30 but it was an impossible task. She was too feeble to even leave her room let alone the house. Around September 10 she told me she has a secret I must tell nobody. The secret was that she had been purposely starving herself due to psychological reasons (claimed that the whole appendix experience „broke her down“). I was appaled and begged her to tell somebody but was also dumb enough to say I will keep it a secret. I begged her to eat, asked her if it doesn't cause her enourmous pain that her not eating caused us not to see each other and thought that would be enough.

 

It was nowhere near enough. Her symptoms basically remained the same. She was too weak for any meeting on September 13 and missed two weeks of classes by the end of September (school starts in early September for most students here). I was to come and get her around Friday Sep 29 or so, but then I got a flu in the morning and couldn't – there was absolutely no way I was gonna risk infecting her after that. Later that day she passed out during her classes again. There was other bizzare stuff as well – she claimed some guy was threatening to rape her because she didn't want to be his girlfriend, which made her really frightened to return to classes. I checked out the guy's profile and saw he looks like some obese lowlife loser who lives somewhere near her region and just told him to report the guy to her dad (he's a traffic cop) but she told me she doesn't want bother with this in her situation.

Things turn a lot darker after last Saturday. I was supposed to come to her town and pick her up in the morning but she had nurse training until around 3PM. I eventually told her to get on a bus (the last one leaves at 6,30 PM) and that I'll be waiting for her. What happened was that she messaged me around 6.25 PM to tell me she just „left the hospital“. I had if she meant the hospital where she had the nurse training or did she pass out again (likely it had been the same hospital but I have no idea what happened). I urged her to try and catch the bus but she couldn't. All she said was a mysterious „There's nobody here“ around 6.34 PM. I asked to pick her up in on Sunday morning, just for a talk, and had no intention of driving her to my place. I was REALLY feaked out by this time. But she ignored my pleadings, just responding at around 11.30 PM „Sorry... Was just sick“. She ignored any of my offers and didn't send any messages for the remainder of the idea. I remember myself waking up on from a disturbing dream about my (still living) father dying which somehow included her and then waking teary eyed about her on that Sunday morning.

 

Come this week. She starts saying two things 1. there is some problem she's having 2. this problem means she can't see me for now, though she really wants to. Addiotionally, she would occasionally say this problem has no solution anyway while in other occasions would beg me to give her a bit more time to let me know the „secret“. She seemed so teenage like by now and her behavior and personality seemed to have declined in maturity considerably since at least mid September. It was certainly no longer the girl I knew back in Jun-Aug. I, also, was quickly becoming a mess.

Meanwhile, she was still sending me good morning wishes and occasional kisses on WhatsApp but I would have none of it by now. I was an immensely agitated, scared, frustrated and abandoned guy who feared for his girlfriend and our relationship. I remind you, we haven't seen each other since July 20 ! I would immediately start peppering her with questions about the secret and she finally promised to tell te about it yesterday. Of course, this once again didn't happen. She just ignored the promise until it was obvious that I will not talk about anything else. She told me that I should stop asking her because she doesn't want to tell me yet. While she was sleeping I no longer could. I sent angry, hurt messages. I said I thought it might bea serious case of anorexia and that it is time her parents should know. She would always plead for me not to tell anybody . I openly told about not being able to withstand this situation much longer. And this was certainly true. What had started out as as a perfect relationship was turning into something really ugly. I suggested she might be mentally ill and seek treatment.

 

In the morning, she replied she's not crazy, and that she might had been crazy about me but that „this is gonna change“. She then asked for some more time and I asked for some kind of a deadline. I plainly told her she can keep secrets away from me if me weet and that we can meet later if she tells me the „secret“ now but that she certainly can't do both and expect me to just wait. She couldn't give a deadline, said it's „maybe next week.“. (One also needs to understand the context of this within how we related to each other – it was always about no secrets and we had a saying that „you are mine and I am yours“. Also, back when she told me about the starvation issue in September I made no fuss about it and was extremely supportive.)

By then have had it. I blocked her on WhatsApp and told her I believe her mental and physical capacities are in decline due to her anorexia. I sent her various long messages on WhatsApp while keeping her blocked, as I could no longer listen to any of her vague, short posts, which was all she was offering me since early October. I told her I believe she is extremely ill with anorexia and that her parents must know. That I will write them a letter personally, not as her boyfriend but somebody whose identity is irrelevant but is well aware of her situation, which her parents aren't. ( for some conetxt, she is by now 5ffot5/170 cm and about 95 punds/43 kilos. )

 

Then I feel asleep around noon, tortured by horrible dreams and in state of dazement and shock. When I woke up I was blocked on her Facebook account ( I later found out she deleted it completely), though we never ever used the application other than adding each other.

 

It's been that way ever since. I am keeping her blocked on WhatsApp and don't send any new messages despite wanting to so much. I keep thinking what if I made a mistake, what if she would have told me soon and we could have resolved it. I want to give her an opportunity to tell me, some more time, but I feel this was never really an option for her and that this secret is likely a serious problem connected to anorexia. I know I could have still had a „relationship“ even now if I had just went on went her „good morning, dear“-s and kissed and bunnies but this is not what I want in a relationship. I want my girlfriend back, in real life. I

I am a complete mess today, spending it in my pijamas and darkened room. I am in severe emotional pain. I love this girl. She is my life. I have no idea what is causing all of this. Is it her stress? Is it anorexia? Is it some other type of mental disease? Did I just dablle with a kid that wasn't ready for a any relationships? Everybody I talked to told me I have done nothing wrong. Even yesterday this girl was calling me her „sweetheart“ and „life“.

 

The questions here are. What do I do? I am planning on writing an extensive letter to her parents as I am in fear for her life. This letter will keep my identity a secret but will leave a phone number and will have tons of examples of her claiming she is starving herself. I am not doing this to embarass her or affect her life. I am scared as hell. I don't think there is any relationship more to be salvaged, at least until her problems are dealt with and she obviously can't deal with it alone. But her parents are, from what I heard in her stories, of pretty low intelligence. She might tell them „her“ side of the story and paint me in bad light though she has never insulted me before including today. Even now I believe some of you will paint me as some kind of a stalker and an obsessive person. I am not. I have no intention of trying to see her somewhere. I just want her healthy. Even if it means I can't get her back because I certainly can't get her back this way. How do I convince her parents of the reality of the situation? This girl is, I will say it once again, now 5ffot5/170 cm and about 95 punds/43 kilos. Her behavior is erratic. We are basically broken up at this point and this breaks my heart to pieces. I am a mess myself, can't eat or calm down and can hardly write a long letter over the weekend. I simply can't believe how such a heavenly situation turned to this kind of a disaster so soon. I would often laugh at that saying that you wouldn't wish something on your worst enemy because who wouldn't wish the worst things on their worst enemy? Well, I know now what the saying meant.

 

tl -Me and my girlfriend had a wonderful blooming relationship until her inflamed appendix issues and appendenctomy made her develop anorexia with debilitating symptoms, which she didn't admit for over a month. After she admitted this to me and asked me to keep it a secret I agreed and tried to get her to eat. But her symptoms have not gone away and she extremely frail to a point of me not being able to see her since before she had the surgery, which made me extremely anxious too see her and devastated that this isn't happening. Though she's by now back in her classes her weird behavior led to massive fights this week and a likely break-up. I want her to regain her strengh by telling those around her (her parents) what's going on and possibly save our relationship, unless it is already too late.

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That's a lot of drama for someone you met literally three months ago.

 

You guys sound so immature.

 

Well, this isn't very helpful. You can still be very much in love with somebody you met not that long ago and I'd like to know why at least I sound immature.

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That was hard to keep track of ....so have I got this right ...you met in June , you saw her twice , the last time been july , she was hunky dory until June , when having her appendix out led to her having anorexia suddenly and you have never seen her since ? Is that right ?

 

If she was passing out and acting that strange and had to stay in hospital with no visitors because of this mystery whatever , then surely her parents already know ?

 

She is either ill and ill before you met her or she is a drama llama ... I don't believe all was so precious then in two months she suddenly turned into an anorexic mess with severe mental health problems ...all in two months . That is if I got the story right .

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Well, this isn't very helpful. You can still be very much in love with somebody you met not that long ago and I'd like to know why at least I sound immature.

 

One, I wasn't in love with him lol.

Two, I knew the guy a whole lot longer than ur 'we met end of July' and obviously spent a lot more time together.

 

I think anyone that talks marriage and kids after a month speaks of immaturity. U seem naive.

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I think you sound very mature for your age. You are so concerned with this girl's wellbeing that you are willing to write an anonymous letter to her parents so they can get her the help that she needs. This keeps your name out of everything, but lets them know your observations, and puts the ball in their court, where you realize it belongs, in possibly saving this girl's life.

 

This isn't just garden-variety "relationship drama". This is life & death stuff. The fact that you have recognize this, and are trying to work through a solution via this letter, is commendable.

 

Anorexia is no light matter, and I applaud you for trying to get her the help she so desperately needs. It's quite possible a lot of her vital functions aren't working properly, hence her meandering messages and erratic behavior.

 

I think the letter is an excellent idea. I also think that you should unblock her and let her know that you have her back, and that you would like to be her friend for now, and that you will be there for her. You obviously care for her very deeply, and you are quite possibly saving her life.

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Yeah... you've been on two dates. You never knew her. She hasn't changed in three months you are just seeing her more clearly. You were falling for her over WhatsApp... which means you were mostly falling for the idea of her.

 

Do you really think her parents don't know? Do you really think you know the whole situation? Because I had my appendix out and I was home in three days. Are you sure she was even in the hospital for three weeks (where you can't see her for some reason? Did you know that for sure? Or is it something she told you?)? This is so much drama and so little actual contact I wouldn't be shocked if she's been lying A LOT. Take a minute and think how much do you really know her? How much have you verified about her life? Or are you just believe a strange dramatic person who texts you all day but can never see you for *cough*reasons*cough*.

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Yeah... you've been on two dates. You never knew her. She hasn't changed in three months you are just seeing her more clearly. You were falling for her over WhatsApp... which means you were mostly falling for the idea of her.

 

Do you really think her parents don't know? Do you really think you know the whole situation? Because I had my appendix out and I was home in three days. Are you sure she was even in the hospital for three weeks (where you can't see her for some reason? Did you know that for sure? Or is it something she told you?)? This is so much drama and so little actual contact I wouldn't be shocked if she's been lying A LOT. Take a minute and think how much do you really know her? How much have you verified about her life? Or are you just believe a strange dramatic person who texts you all day but can never see you for *cough*reasons*cough*.

 

I second every word of that .... it is all so dodgy .

 

I also wonder about you op , you are so concerned with this serious condition yet call yourself Anorex ...bit bizarre

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Hi. Thanks for your reply. I will explain...

 

That was hard to keep track of ....so have I got this right ...you met in June , you saw her twice , the last time been july , she was hunky dory until June , when having her appendix out led to her having anorexia suddenly and you have never seen her since ? Is that right ?.

 

I've last seen her on July 20. She had her appendix removed on July 31. When asked about starving herself started in September she said "after I started getting pains" so I'm guessing as early as late June.

 

If she was passing out and acting that strange and had to stay in hospital with no visitors because of this mystery whatever , then surely her parents already know ?

 

It's not a hospital with no visitors nor was the reason why I didn't come due to some mystery. She was in what was basically a kid's hospital and I felt embarrassed by that and going there with her roommates who were like 16 and male or whatever. Besides, I expected that she will recover in about 2 weeks and could live with that.

 

Her parents absolutely don't know. That's what she said in September, that they have no idea.

 

She is either ill and ill before you met her or she is a drama llama ... I don't believe all was so precious then in two months she suddenly turned into an anorexic mess with severe mental health problems ...all in two months . That is if I got the story right .

 

Well, she was already very skinny before I met her as well but seemed to be functioning ok, even reporting doing gardening around her house when we first met. Was she mentally ill before? I don't know. I am not a doctor who deals with her medical history nor am I a psychologist.

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One, I wasn't in love with him lol.

Two, I knew the guy a whole lot longer than ur 'we met end of July' and obviously spent a lot more time together.

 

I think anyone that talks marriage and kids after a month speaks of immaturity. U seem naive.

 

I don't know anything about your experiences with some guy. Haven't read about that at and have no idea what the facts are so I was obviously not referring to that at all.

 

And we didn't discuss these things seriously, as mentioned in my first post.

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Thank you. I'll just comment on these...

 

It's quite possible a lot of her vital functions aren't working properly, hence her meandering messages and erratic behavior.

 

Yes, this is what I believe is occurring. She's probably functioning on a a low level but is basically not the same person she was in June.

 

I also think that you should unblock her and let her know that you have her back, and that you would like to be her friend for now, and that you will be there for her. You obviously care for her very deeply, and you are quite possibly saving her life.

 

I believe this would just lead to her blocking me now but might wait for 2-3 days. She's vehemently opposed anybody knowing this "secret" and for all I know it could be something else but I doubt it. In any case, if I unblocked her right now I believe I'd be blocked myself.

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You were falling for her over WhatsApp... which means you were mostly falling for the idea of her.

 

I've seen her irl too and that is what matters really. I would have never fallen for somebody via WhatsApp that way. That's ridiculous. I didn't know how our rl dates would turn out.

 

Do you really think her parents don't know?

 

I do, absolutely.

 

Do you really think you know the whole situation? Because I had my appendix out and I was home in three days. Are you sure she was even in the hospital for three weeks (where you can't see her for some reason? Did you know that for sure? Or is it something she told you?)? This is so much drama and so little actual contact I wouldn't be shocked if she's been lying A LOT. Take a minute and think how much do you really know her? How much have you verified about her life? Or are you just believe a strange dramatic person who texts you all day but can never see you for *cough*reasons*cough*.

 

I don't believe she'd be lying about the hospital thing. It would have to be very elaborate and would make no sense. I even remembered when she'd tell me who visited her on some days (not all) the day she told me her father is driving her home etc. Besides, you must remember that on that July date I saw her in what was clearly, as I put it there, an "an agonized look". She was in pain and put my hand on her stomach. She was so ill by the time I was gonna go that I offered to drive her home, as I say there.

 

As for how much I have verified on her life, I have seen many pictures of her with her of her brother and female friends, all of whom have real profiles and are from roughly the same area. The elaborateness of the deception would be quite impossible really.

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I appreciated the TL;DR version.

 

You are having the "white knight" complex. Not that it is not noble to care for someone, but nothing about "talks of marriage" after the first date (despite jokingly) speaks of maturity. You are more invested emotionally into this than you should be, take a step back.

 

None of her personal problems are your problems. Not her grades, not her family drama, not even her abdomen pain. She is a big girl, and she can take care of herself, you are there to be supportive, you can be kind and helpful. But, not your problem.

 

You are young and "in love", your angst is understandable, but you are also too desperate. Nothing speaks desperation more than long, drawn-out messages on Whatsapp after she withdrew. Take a chill pill, go workout, go out with friends, and meet other "fish in the sea".

 

You will find someone else who will make you just as happy if not happier. Wanting someone back is a natural tendency, but it is not necessarily the right thing to do. I know it is tough, especially with the degree of emotional investment you have in her, but you will come out a better man on the other side.

 

P.S. a word of advice - stay away from "unstable chicks", your job in life is not to fix broken souls, do not fall for the "white knight"/rescue complex.

 

Well, I might find somebody one day but I also might stay single. I believe most current young women to be severely broken people with no taste in men and usually never go past the first date as they find me too boring/bookish. This was a great change in that regard and the first real gf I ever had. If this is over I know that what awaits me is likely years and years of solitude. I will not let go yet. My friends can't help me meet women either as they're in the same positions. This is isn't something I want to even discuss. It is what it is. It won't change.

 

Also, you talk about unstable chicks but forget that I talked about her seeming quite stable and normal for months.

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Honeycomb, I am sorry, I just don't believe she would be making it up. I have seen her in pain and dazzled/sick by the sun in July. As for immaturity, I admit she acts like this now but was quite stable previously. You go on this marriage thing but it's not something to be taken so seriously. It indicates a level of sympathy. I have seen her facebook and people on it are real. I know she wasn't posting any pics when she had been in hospital.

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I don't believe she'd be lying about the hospital thing. It would have to be very elaborate and would make no sense. I even remembered when she'd tell me who visited her on some days (not all) the day she told me her father is driving her home etc. Besides, you must remember that on that July date I saw her in what was clearly, as I put it there, an "an agonized look". She was in pain and put my hand on her stomach. She was so ill by the time I was gonna go that I offered to drive her home, as I say there.

 

As for how much I have verified on her life, I have seen many pictures of her with her of her brother and female friends, all of whom have real profiles and are from roughly the same area. The elaborateness of the deception would be quite impossible really.

 

If she is 18 and living on her own why was she in a children's hospital? You didn't want to visit her because her roommates are young? That doesn't make any since. I get that you've met her. But her being in the hospital for three weeks and then "not getting on the bus" to see you. What are her other excuses for not seeing you? You last saw her in July. Even if she was in the hospital for a whole month why didn't you see her in the other month and a half that she wasn't in the hospital?

 

She's on facebook? Were there pictures of her in the hospital or anyone leaving get well notices on her wall?

 

Have you talked to anyone who visited her in the hospital? Did she send you any pictures from the hospital?

 

If she was in a children's hospital (could she be lying about her age?) her parents would absolutely know if anorexia was casing such huge issues in recovering from surgery.

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Also, you talk about unstable chicks but forget that I talked about her seeming quite stable and normal for months.

 

I think you mean for month... not months... and almost entirely over a text app. Yes someone can seem stable for months, years even, if you have almost no face to face contact from them and you are only ever seeing something that they are in control of.

 

Well, I might find somebody one day but I also might stay single. I believe most current young women to be severely broken people with no taste in men and usually never go past the first date as they find me too boring/bookish. This was a great change in that regard and the first real gf I ever had. If this is over I know that what awaits me is likely years and years of solitude. I will not let go yet. My friends can't help me meet women either as they're in the same positions. This is isn't something I want to even discuss. It is what it is. It won't change.

 

Ouch buddy... now you sound young. I bet it's hard to date holding all that nonsense in your head.

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If she is 18 and living on her own why was she in a children's hospital?

 

It's a small provincial hospital during summer. It's not full of people or a very lively place. She was placed to people who were nearest her age I guess.

 

You didn't want to visit her because her roommates are young? That doesn't make any since.

 

I didn't want a bunch of boys seeing me kiss her. Then also was the issue of her recovery going slowly and poorly so I didn't want to bother her. I spent a week on holidays somewhere else. Plenty of reasons.

 

What are her other excuses for not seeing you? You last saw her in July. Even if she was in the hospital for a whole month why didn't you see her in the other month and a half that she wasn't in the hospital?

 

I believe I have written about this. She was too weak on Aug 30 and Sep 13. She couldn't even sleep on Aug 30 due to how sick she was and said that her father would never let her go somewhere on Sep 13. She only admitted to being anorexic to me (and nobody else) around Sep 10 !

 

Things got dark after the bizarre event last Saturday. Read my opening post.

 

She's on facebook? Were there pictures of her in the hospital or anyone leaving get well notices on her wall?

 

Have you talked to anyone who visited her in the hospital? Did she send you any pictures from the hospital?

 

No, to both. But I didn't really demand any as I was certain she is there and am now. She talked how she met her 8 year old brother during a visit one day and they both cried and sent me his picture one day. Her brother (older one, not the 8 yo) has a fb account too with the same surname that is full of pics with her. I think you're going on a wrong track here.

 

 

If she was in a children's hospital (could she be lying about her age?) her parents would absolutely know if anorexia was casing such huge issues in recovering from surgery.

 

She's not lying about her age. This I know for certain having seen people congratulate her birthday on the day she told me she was born or some of her classmates she is in photos with being photographed with her. Her parents don't know. I think I mentioned she had a doctor ask her father if she was eating and he said he believes so. But I also said that her parents don't seem really bright.

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I think you mean for month... not months... and almost entirely over a text app. Yes someone can seem stable for months, years even, if you have almost no face to face contact from them and you are only ever seeing something that they are in control of.

 

Well, she seemed relatively stable and in high spirits all through August and I met her in late June but that's not the point. The point is that you are correct. But this is the lot I am in.

 

Ouch buddy... now you sound young. I bet it's hard to date holding all that nonsense in your head.

 

I don't wanna talk about my dating issues here. This isn't the topic for it. I admit that my lack of real choices somewhat influences my decisions but that's just my lot.

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At first you said:

 

For reasons related to hospital policy I couldn't visit her at all.

 

Now you say:

 

I didn't want a bunch of boys seeing me kiss her. Then also was the issue of her recovery going slowly and poorly so I didn't want to bother her. I spent a week on holidays somewhere else. Plenty of reasons.

 

Either you are lying to yourself hard core to protect your idea of her or you are lying to us.

 

Why on earth couldn't you visit her? The hospital didn't have a policy because her friends were visiting. You couldn't have gone some time when her friends weren't there if you are mortified by the idea of kissing her in front of them. I think you are bending over backwards not to see the holes in her story.

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At first you said:

 

 

 

Now you say:

 

 

 

Either you are lying to yourself hard core to protect your idea of her or you are lying to us.

 

Why on earth couldn't you visit her? The hospital didn't have a policy because her friends were visiting. You couldn't have gone some time when her friends weren't there if you are mortified by the idea of kissing her in front of them. I think you are bending over backwards not to see the holes in her story.

 

Yes, I was actually trying to simplify this and not mention the boys thing/kid's room in a hospital. You caught that. If that makes me less credible in your eyes that is fine but I assure you I'm very serious.

 

To be honest, I have no idea what the hospital policies were or if her friends visited. She didn't talk about hospital policies. I tried to simplify this as I'm quite embarrassed at the issue. I think only her family did visit her as she never mentioned friends visiting. I just didn't visit her due to various reasons I mention previously - I was amazed by how slowly she's recovering and wanted to somehow "leave her alone" to recover, I was ashamed of her being with kids and was doing something else. I guess I just expected it not to be an issue. I would insist on doing it now but that ship has sailed. The fact is, I never even asked to visit her. But she left the hospital around Aug 23. The problems went on.

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