Intense anxiety and paranoia

Long story short met a beautiful girl who I really really like, been out a good amount of times, slept with her twice and everything is great.

She's not as good as expressing herself as I am emotionally although I know she really does care about me, seeing her tonight aswell.

After the break up with my ex I understand why everything happened and this new girl made my life perfect, I have one problem though, I suffer with anxiety and I feel I need a bit of reassurance sometimes but obviously don't wanna pester for it cause that's needy and clingy which I feel I am but don't let her see that. I need to know what to do because I wanna make things official and she's said she never set out for something serious but I'm different and is in this to see if it can go the distance. I'm gonna ask her to come meet my parents tonight and I just wanna know how to get over the paranoia, like when she doesn't text back for a few hours cause she's busy I know she's busy and it means nothing but it sends my mind into over drive and I have to really work hard to suppress my anxiety.

She knows I'm in love with her and she's not taken any steps back and visibly lit up when I told her. She's just not as forthgiving with emotion and I can understand cause she's been hurt before but I just want calming down and some advice cause I know nothing's wrong but I'm suffering.

I've been through this on the girl's side. Ex with huge issues of anxiety trying to hold back so he won't ruin it. You know where that led? Him eventually not being able to hold back because anxiety doesn't work like that. Trust me on this, please! Go see a doctor and take care of you! Please! Before it's too late. I can't tell you what will happen, but I can tell you how my relationship went. It was PERFECT the first 6 months. He did show some signs of anxiety even though he thought I didn't notice, then he confessed because he had a panic attack. I stood by him as I've been through anxiety myself and over came it, trying real hard not to become his therapist. I suggested he should seek therapy. Suggesting turned into begging, begging almost turned into an ultimatum. Because I was very flexible on him not going to a doctor I was also an enabler. Once I broke up with him, because of his anxiety (he also had anger issues), then he went to see a doctor. It was waaaaaay too late. I don't know how he is now as his anxiety led to a bad break up. I really hope he handled it. Anxiety is treatable though!

Please please please seek help!

How long have you two been together?

We aren't just yet, looking to make it a thing soon

As Cope said, stop trying to pretend, it isn't working anywhere near as well as you think, and get professional help. As in help yourself cure it for good. Life and relationships will be so much better for you that way. It is not another person's job to reassure you, that is 100% on you and there are all kinds of help, different types of therapy, methods, tools, etc out there to help you do that.

You aren't in a relationship yet, but told her you were in love with her?

I think your anxiety here is natural, because you told someone you love them prematurely, when you are merely infatuated/attached. It isn't particularly healthy or honest to yourself or your partner.

It's like you have an idea in your head about what you should be feeling, but your body doesn't feel it and doesn't feel it reciprocated, hence one of the reasons for your anxiety. It's not reciprocated, nor felt by you, because it's far too early for love.

Yeah I get that it was probably premature, as expected things have broken down and resulted in a big fight and I've honestly never been so gutted in my life. I tried so hard and like put effort into this and I feel hopeless, scared and alone.

I know I shouldn't have put any sort of weight on anyone else's shoulders with my own psyche, but I was warmed and comforted by her and things were going exceedingly well but a mis interpretation on her part lead to a fight and her saying she never wanted a relationship but I changed her mind and now I changed it back cause I spoke to a girl and she thought I was trying to chat her up when I wasn't. I told her to leave it for a couple of weeks and hit me up if she wants to sort things but see it as doubtful.

I know most of this is down to me as a person but I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I don't know who to turn to or speak to and not a day goes by where I aren't fighting myself at every turn, the most hilarious thing is that I'm the joker and the comedian, always there for others and always cheering them up. No one properly knows the depth of how I feel. I don't like myself or trust myself in anything, I break everything I touch and completely hate myself so here I am asking for advice on the internet cause I have no idea what else to do

Hi, I don't actually have any advice to give, sorry... however I'm a girl and am kinda experiencing this from the other end. I've fallen for a guy with serious anxiety triggered by a past relationship and I'm starting to think I should just end things before he hurts me again.... he's already messed me about a few times and although he does say he likes spending time with me when I ask I get the impression he doesn't actually care about me in 'that' way. Having said that I can't imagine cutting him out completely so would asking if we could stay friends be ok? I mean he's the one who said he wanted to try again but he's literally putting in no effort to see me and can go hours or even days before he responds to a text.... like if he gets stressed he'll just ghost me 😕

Hey, I've never acted like that, I've done the opposite, everything was going really really well and anxiety has triggered me to try move things to quick and ended up ing it. If I was you I'd meet him and have a final talk before deciding what to do next, need to understand his point of view

Thanks, I'm starting to think I'm also developing anxiety towards relationships since I'm scared of just how much I like him and am potentially ruining things for myself.... I'm just very aware that he's hurt me before by unexpectedly ending things so I'm now constantly on edge...

I agree with others that you shouldn't suppress your feelings, or pretend like everything is ok when it's not.

But I see a big problem here in any case, and that is the fact that she isn't looking for anything serious.

That's the thing, she was untill everything went to , she seems to be a tad paranoid herself cause she's been hurt in the past so she's weary now

Hi, I don't actually have any advice to give, sorry... however I'm a girl and am kinda experiencing this from the other end. I've fallen for a guy with serious anxiety triggered by a past relationship and I'm starting to think I should just end things before he hurts me again.... he's already messed me about a few times and although he does say he likes spending time with me when I ask I get the impression he doesn't actually care about me in 'that' way. Having said that I can't imagine cutting him out completely so would asking if we could stay friends be ok? I mean he's the one who said he wanted to try again but he's literally putting in no effort to see me and can go hours or even days before he responds to a text.... like if he gets stressed he'll just ghost me 😕

The bold part doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what he claims his feelings are for you. It doesn't matter because he is not 100% himself. Do not underestimate anxiety. You can get into a relationship with this guy, things could go marvelous (if he gets help), he could get better and be himself again and realise that you are not the one for him. Anxiety strips us from our self confidence. In that state, we tend to cling on people. Be thankful he's not clinging on you yet.

I'm not saying never form relationships with people with anxiety, we all have our issues, just don't underestimate what it can do to a person. Also, you don't have to be with them out of pity or something. Always look after yourselves first. No good relationship can be maintained if we don't take care of ourselves first.

Maybe just try and have a little faith in that people who are close to you rarely go out of their way to cause any harm...if she doesn't write back, it's most likely she is just busy doing her own thing, like doing errands for a family member etc...just keep in mind people are busy with their own lives so it is not that they are trying to do something bad to you...oh and if a woman is reaching out to you, she definitely is not getting rid of ya