What's the most frustrating part of dating for you?

Hey guys,

I'm curious what for you is the most frustrating part of dating or the part that you have the most problems with?

Also from a girl's perspective, what's the part that annoys you or you hate that guys do(or don't do) during dating, or at a first date, or even when they approach you?

For me the biggest problem in dating was always approaching a girl during the day. I would always get very nervous because I thought of a million things that could go wrong or that I would run out of things to say so I would talk myself out of it.

Now my biggest is long term relationships and knowing exactly what I actually want in a long term relationship and what type of girl I'd like to be with.

Would love to know what everyone else is dealing with and what you find difficult.

Thanks guys!

Hey guys,

 

I'm curious what for you is the most frustrating part of dating or the part that you have the most problems with?

For men, it's usually about finding someone interesting in wanting to go out on a date with. With OLD, there are many fake, deceptive,... profiles. So, it's about getting to "first base". Once I'm on an actual date, things are fine.

For me, I don't like the whole exercise of dating!

I am good on my own, I am good in (good) relationship.

But the whole getting dressed and courting thing is exhausting.

And for what? . .I ask myself often.

Most don't come to fruition for no other reason then not everyone is the right one.

But getting between here and there is just a whole lot of work at times.

Often times Netflix or dinner with a good friend is just more appealing.

I hate all the fake profiles, and when you chat to a girl they seem interested & give you their number then go cold after a few days....

The most frustrating was the needle in a haystack feeling -I dated to find someone to marry and start a family with (once I was in my late teens/early 20s) and I found it frustrating to have all the dead ends - given all the time/effort I put into it.

 

But getting between here and there is just a whole lot of work at times.

Often times Netflix or dinner with an good friend is just more appealing.

You can say that again.

Sometimes, even staying home and reading an interesting book is more appealing!

I read your questions again ~

`A woman loves a man with a plan'

I love this saying.

Because of other experiences (not enough room) I get frustrated if a man asks me on a date and doesn't have some sort of plan. Anything!

Please don't pick me up for date and ask me what I want to do and then in turn I end up having to orchestrate it.

If I invite you out, I promise I will have a plan. Please do the same

I'm married now, but the two things that really bothered me were:

1. People playing games. I am a pretty straightforward person, don't make me guess how you feel about me.

2. Guys always want sex on the first date. If that is what you're looking for, go on Fling or another site for that purpose. I never did the online dating thing so I am referring to going on dates with guys that I already knew from real life. And I'm not a prude, if the stars align and we both want something to happen, great! But it seems like so many guys would go on a date simply to get laid, they didn't want to put any work into the relationship first.

I get frustrated with guys who can't or won't make conversation. They expect to be asked all the questions and don't reciprocate or help continue conversation at all.

I get frustrated because I am picky.

It is difficult for me to really connect.

I need that spark, that attraction, that feel good high lol

And it's rare for anyone to actually be able to ignite that in me.

If they do, I can lose my attraction easily.

Partly because I am a single mom with a daughter, so I am quite cautious.

In my age group most everyone has baggage. When they speak of a crazy ex, I'm done.

I don't want to be involved in any drama! They have a criminal history, done.

They drink more than socially, done. Drugs. Done. Unmotivated, done. Too many exe's, done.

Too many marraiges that ended, done. Hop from job to job, done. My list goes on..... Lol 😜

The most frustrating part for me?

... I'd say... men...

I hate dating in general. I build friendships and then "flirt" and see if I get a positive response. And then maybe I'll confess my attraction and see what happens. I don't have a lot of difficulty getting a positive response initially, but it is hard to find someone that you can maintain a connection with long term, that's just a fact of life.

I would certainly not be into the idea of going out with someone I barely know to dinner or drinks just because they asked me out. Too much pressure for me and I am too socially awkward on the whole to survive such social paradigms

In terms of knowing what you want in a relationship, sometimes the only way to find out is to test the waters and make mistakes.

That my super stuck up fiancee gets mad when she catches me doing it.

That my super stuck up fiancee gets mad when she catches me doing it.

Too funny.

That it requires time. So many interesting humans; sifting through one another for a hit rate of one out of hundreds+. Kind of dizzying.

I'm not frustrated though. I keep learning so much!

Hey guys,

 

I'm curious what for you is the most frustrating part of dating or the part that you have the most problems with?

 

Also from a girl's perspective, what's the part that annoys you or you hate that guys do(or don't do) during dating, or at a first date, or even when they approach you?

 

For me the biggest problem in dating was always approaching a girl during the day. I would always get very nervous because I thought of a million things that could go wrong or that I would run out of things to say so I would talk myself out of it.

 

Now my biggest is long term relationships and knowing exactly what I actually want in a long term relationship and what type of girl I'd like to be with.

 

Would love to know what everyone else is dealing with and what you find difficult.

 

Thanks guys!

I'm not sure what is the most frustrating. I've had many. I think overall the biggest frustration was sticking around long after I should have moved on. That usually was caused by tolerating mixed signals. Once I started treating mixed signals the same as non-interest things improved dramatically. If someone was constantly "too busy" I just moved on. If someone contacted me out of the blue after rejecting me, I just ignored them. If someone equivocated after I asked them out, I would stop contacting them.

I did struggle sometimes with this change. Sometimes there was one I just didn't want to let go. Which is stupid, if you don't have them, you can't let them go.

I think men and women need to be more vigilant when it comes to mixed signals. Don't accept them. Don't tolerate them. And don't send them. If you're not into someone, do the decent thing and leave them be.

I get frustrated because I am picky.

It is difficult for me to really connect.

I need that spark, that attraction, that feel good high lol

 

And it's rare for anyone to actually be able to ignite that in me.

If they do, I can lose my attraction easily.

Partly because I am a single mom with a daughter, so I am quite cautious.

 

In my age group most everyone has baggage. When they speak of a crazy ex, I'm done.

I don't want to be involved in any drama! They have a criminal history, done.

They drink more than socially, done. Drugs. Done. Unmotivated, done. Too many exe's, done.

Too many marraiges that ended, done. Hop from job to job, done. My list goes on..... Lol 😜

yes, it probably is frustrating if it's treated like a car wash where you expect to have a feeling wash over you that another person ignites in you and that without that feeling washing over you it's done, a dealbreaker. To me that confuses the essential chemistry and passion needed to get a romantic relationship going as opposed to knowing that you can be the right person to find the right person, that you can foster a spark too, that your actions can determine whether a spark happens at all -for example, if you give a chance for a spark to develop because you actually like the person as a person and enjoy the time spent getting to know the person then you might find that the spark develops not at first sight but later on.

Expecting another person to make you feel "high" is just focusing on a relationship as a feeling you have on your own -a more self-centered approach - rather than approaching it as the excitement of getting to know someone, seeing if there is a potential spark that builds and not running away just because that "high" feeling seems to go away or fade - not because you're such a disciplined person but because you're a person who actually wants a romantic relationship that is based on more than whether at a particular moment you have a particular feeling.

If the main motivation for a relationship is that feel good high rather than the desire to get to know and to give to another person (give love, as an action, or give "like" in the beginning) then it would be very frustrating to date at all because those sparks are ephemeral and often have little to do with the actual person who is there with you so it becomes just flitting around from person to person looking for a feeling to wash over you rather than looking for a person to act in a loving way towards and have fun getting to know.

The fact that it's just so much...work. It's pretty exhausting.

Things guys do that annoy me during the dating process

Lie about their height (dude, if you're short, own it)

Lie about their age (again...really??)

Lie in general (this really applies to anyone of any gender)

Ask for your number... to immediately send a pic of their junk (that's a euphemism)

Things that happen in "modern" dating that frustrate me

Ghosting (Going from 100% to 0% and no explanation is just crummy)

Beyond the first date or two:

Lying (I've always thought this would be a no-brainer... and I'm not talking white lies. BIG lies. Like carrying forward a lie about their age, marital history, etc.)

I'm sure there are other things...that's just what came immediately to mind.

 

 

I think men and women need to be more vigilant when it comes to mixed signals. Don't accept them. Don't tolerate them. And don't send them. If you're not into someone, do the decent thing and leave them be.

^^ love this.

Mix signals = No go.

Can't simplify it anymore than that.

The most annoying this is a female trying to find out how I want them to act and then try to be something they are not, instead of being open and honest about themself.

The games that women play. If I ask you out it's simple yes or no. That's it!

I can't stand this: Well, where are we going? What are we going to do? I respond with, don't worry I'll have a plan and we'll have a fun time..

Oh, I don't know... Don't get what is so hard about that, either you like me or you don't. So, so sick of that garbage.

Second would be how difficult it is to actually meet someone, anyone that is good or you are attracted to and they are attracted to you...

As you get older it gets so much more difficult...

This is a bag of angry cats about to be opened.

The whole process is pretty dang frustrating for myself. But I do have a top 10 (Mostly OLD and yet so much more)

XYZ is my whole world.

Drives me nuts as it comes across as this woman wanting a walking wallet to support her lifestyle. If you didn't love your kids whole heartedly I would think you're a garbage human being, but don't make it sound like over the long haul I'd be just chaff. Now that sentiment toward your pet I think you have some sort of crazy that I want to steer clear of, I love pets, but they are still an animal.

Expecting a love letter to sweep you off your feet in the first message.

I take my time looking through a profile, trying to ask some leading questions to let her talk about her interests. But it gets stinking old writing a paragraph or two trying to show I'm not just sending Nixon Pics. I got a no thanks a time or two, profusely thanked the lady (I know not the norm)

The Sense that a guy has to be in Adonis shape to get anyone.

I'm not in the best shape, but I'm working on it as best I can; it gets frustrating that too many women act as if I should be hitting the gym for two hours a day. I'm not doing some repetitive task just to look good, give me some wood to chop or something to build; time is precious and I want something to show for it (and being ripped is waste of my time). I'm not looking for a Diana, just someone I find attractive, should go both ways.

Weird "I wanna wait until marriage, but lets get almost there."

OK..... Just no. Nope not playing this game.

Calling me friend repeatedly, then planning an amazingly romantic evening.

You are not an illusionist, this slight of hand is not something I want to be apart of.

Asking weird date halting questions.

Getting to know each other is important, but holy cats there are some things that don't need to be asked on a first date! Who asks "do you have troubles maintaining an erection" on the first date? Or how about would I be willing to shave....

Texting buddies.

Ignoring the fact I text like a chimp, I'm done if I can't hear a voice in the first week. I don't care if you hate talking as much as I hate texting, I kind of like verification; 10 minutes isn't that big a chunk of time.

The I enjoyed myself then Ghosting

Maybe there are some guys out there with fragile egos, but stop with the leading on. If there is no interest, cool let's be adults.

Dragging politics into the date right off.

Glad to know I will be thoroughly bored within 20 minutes once the tirades start. Sure there could be other fun things to talk about, but lets get into controversy right off.

Whining about an ex.

Go see a therapist!!!

another one. . (currently on my mind)

I'd like to think I am pretty transparent. At least I hope so. What you see is what you get and outside of very minor things, I will be basically be the same person tomorrow as I am today.

No surpirses!

I am utterly exhausted of having put my heart on the line and gotten attached, only to find out 6 months down the road my partner isn't who they originally appeared to be.

It feels like this whole bait and switch thing. Add in that 6 mo's in I am attached and walking away is complicated and hard.

Why can't people just be who they are? Doesn't it make more sense to do so and not waste anyone's time, that way everyone can find someone better suited for themselves?

OK. . done with my rant.

Sensitive subject seeing I've been seeing someone for two months and I can't help but keep looking at him sideways - waiting for the gorillas to jump out and always looking for

the exit sign. . .

Tiresome

A lot of what I read and hear is that it's tiring and also mixed in with a fear of rejection, which I get completely. Do you guys also learn dating skills or anything like that? Or read any psychology? Just curious if you guys think it's a skill you can learn or more about just being yourself?

Do you guys also learn dating skills or anything like that? Or read any psychology? Just curious if you guys think it's a skill you can learn or more about just being yourself?

both. . . .

The games that women play. If I ask you out it's simple yes or no. That's it!

 

I can't stand this: Well, where are we going? What are we going to do? I respond with, don't worry I'll have a plan and we'll have a fun time..

Oh, I don't know... Don't get what is so hard about that, either you like me or you don't. So, so sick of that garbage.

 

Second would be how difficult it is to actually meet someone, anyone that is good or you are attracted to and they are attracted to you...

As you get older it gets so much more difficult...

I would hate going on a date where I don't know the plan if I'm not already

committed to the guy.