I miss him

I don’t know what to do. My husband and I have a son who was stillborn three years ago. Since then we have had two living children. I have developed an anxiety disorder as well as an eating disorder and OCD. These things I feel make me a bad influence and role model for my girls. I am a horrible wife and can’t stand my husband most of the time. I threaten to divorce him then beg for him back on a monthly basis.

I am in therapy but nothing that anyone can say changes the fact that my son is not here. I do not want to live without him anymore. It is exhausting and I am no good to anyone. The problem is that I cannot ruin my living childrens’ lives. I fantasize about my husband finding a new wife and having a happy family with the girls but what if that doesn’t happen? I just don’t know where to go from here.

Keep on with your therapy, you cant handle this on your own. I had a stillborn baby so I can appreciate your despair but you cant let it overtake your life, your kids and your husband. You need to learn how to live with the fact your first born isnt with you. It's not easy but it can be done. It must be done.

I don’t know what to do. My husband and I have a son who was stillborn three years ago. Since then we have had two living children. I have developed an anxiety disorder as well as an eating disorder and OCD. These things I feel make me a bad influence and role model for my girls. I am a horrible wife and can’t stand my husband most of the time. I threaten to divorce him then beg for him back on a monthly basis.

 

I am in therapy but nothing that anyone can say changes the fact that my son is not here. I do not want to live without him anymore. It is exhausting and I am no good to anyone. The problem is that I cannot ruin my living childrens’ lives. I fantasize about my husband finding a new wife and having a happy family with the girls but what if that doesn’t happen? I just don’t know where to go from here.

My Mom had a stillborn. He was the one after me and before my other brother.

I know my Mom suffered a lot because of it.

Think of the beautiful family you already have.

Sounds that your husband is a great guy. Don't push him out and lose him...

See all the goodness you do have and accept that certain things are meant to be, the way they are...

You're suffering from depression and you need to see a doctor or a counselor to get some help. It's a terrible thing to lose a child, and you have every right to feel the way you do. But in three years, you're still stuck in depression instead of concentrating on the things that matter here and now -- such as your daughters and your husband. They need you to be the best you can be. You're right, you're going to be a big influence in your girls' lives, and you've got to snap out of this cycle. Don't fantasize about your husband finding a new wife -- be that wife! Focus on your family as a tribute to your stillborn son. Take care of them as you would have taken care of him.

Look for support groups in your area dealing with stillborn births and lost babies. These women can help you because you've all been through the same thing. 25,000 babies a year are born stillborn in the US. You didn't do anything wrong. Don't blame yourself. You can also go to online support sites like:

Another aspect is that you may have gotten pregnant too soon after the death of your son. You needed more time to grieve.

In any event, this is not you right now. You need to find the real you. The you who loves her husband and children. Don't give up. You're not a horrible person or a bad influence. Your family loves you and you have to be there for them. You need to find help.

You answer yourself. You don't want to ruin your children life. Then why you want more reason than this.

Children is bigger thing in mom's life than any other person.