Cheated on my boyfriend in college... Please help.

Hi. Let me start off by saying I love my boyfriend more than words. In fact, I am in tears as I write this. We had been dating for almost two years when I started college in August. Our relationship is amazing. He is my best friend, and the one person I can be my true self around. Our relationship never really had any flaws except for the fact that he broke up with me for 2 weeks when he went to college last year (he is a year older than me). I was devastated. He called me crying after those 2 weeks begging me to take him back. I did. I love/loved him.

When I started school 2 months ago, I hyperventilated having to leave him. I planned/plan on marrying him and the thought of being so far away hurt so bad. For the first 3 or so weeks of school everything was fine, we talked every day. But afterwards I met this kid in one of my classes that I was beyond taken with. He was nothing like my boyfriend, and I was so infatuated with his looks, intelligence, everything to be honest. We flirted for a few weeks and I pushed my bf away during that time. It hurt my bf that I wasn't speaking to him as often. He was really confused and hurt, and not talking to him was my way of not feeling like I was "emotionally cheating" on him by flirting with this other guy.

Then it happened. We went to a party together, and I got drunk. He was drunk. We kissed. We went back to his dorm with some friends and kissed some more. But that was it. Nothing beyond that. The next day, things were awkward, and some other irrelevant stuff happened, and we hadn't talked since.

For some reason, I felt no guilt whatsoever. My boyfriend and I were still in a weird "restricted talking" zone, due to my own actions. He must have been so confused and hurt ugh. Well, like I said the guilt hadn't set in, and for some reason I was somewhat heartbroken about not being able to flirt with my class partner kid anymore. (after we kissed he told me he thought it was a mistake, wanted to be friends, and so on. He did not know I had a boyfriend).

SO anyway, I met this jock like kid a few days after my "heartbreak" with class kid. He was not my type, and frankly not what I am attracted to mentally or physically. However, he was nice, I was lonely. We studied once. We kissed once. I left, and he blocked me on every social media. Turns out he had a gf and did not want me to see. Lol the irony.

So a week or 2 went by and after some time just to myself something snapped in me. I realized how in love with my boyfriend I am. He is the most amazing human on this earth, and nothing compared to these 2 guys I met here at school. They mean dirt to me. My boyfriend means the world to me. I never want to be without him. The thought of ever being without him makes me wanna just fall to the ground. I know I sound dramatic, I just love him more than words.

I was able to visit him this weekend for the first time since I left for school. I said nothing of my infidelity. We had the most amazing weekend just being with each other and catching up. We are back to normal. I love him so much. However, when I visited him this HUGE pang of guilt hit me. I feel so beyond guilty and disgusted with myself and my actions. How could I even think a better alternative was out there? What a mistake..

So now I'm at a huge moral issue. Tell my boyfriend, ruin our relationship, break his heart, break my heart, ruin my mental state of mind, and potentially damage my self image, and how well I do in school? Or do I keep this and take it to the grave and bear the guilt. I'm not sure which is better. If I told him, he'd be a wreck and I believe it could affect his school/sports performance. Like I said for me, it would deeply affect my mental health and performance in school.

I really want to marry this kid. We have plans for it. I promise to god I never will be unloyal to him again. In fact, deep down I think I'm slightly glad this happened. It showed me what I have. But please, how do I go on?

Let me give you my point of view.

If I knew you in person, and this guy was my friend, and I found out you cheated on him, I would tell him myself. Cheaters often cheat again, and I would want my friend to know.

If I was in your position, I would never tell my bf. If I am sure I would not cheat again, why cause problems? I would take it to the grave.

If I was in his position, I think I would rather not know.... She (you), just better hope I never find out. The whole... "tree falls in the forest, is there a noise if there is no one to hear it" thing...

Are you sure you want to be with this guy? Really? That is the main question here.

Girl, I say this in kindness: you are so not ready to get married.

And that's not said in judgment. You are very young and not ready to commit, as evidenced by your recent behaviour. I was you, once upon a time. I didn't actually cheat, but I sure had thoughts about other guys and what else was out there. I had been with my then-boyfriend for 5 years, and we'd shared a lot and had also planned to marry, but I was far too immature and inexperienced in life to tie myself down. Believe me when I say that trying to bury these two instances of infidelity won't erase the real problem: you've outgrown your relationship.

My advice? It's time for you to be single. You are on a slippery slope towards further and graver betrayals, I'm afraid. I do understand that you feel guilty, but I think you are going to find yourself wrestling with your conscience and your desires. You don't want to hurt your boyfriend, but you're also ready to spread your wings. This will more than likely happen again, simply because you're currently fighting against what many young people come to realize - these young romances usually have an expiration date for a reason. We learn a lot from them, but they generally don't last forever because we're not ready to commit to one person forever either.

I'm really sorry your are going through this, I've been there. You should tell him the truth and pray to God he gives you another chance. If he decides to leave I'm sorry but its a harsh lesson to learn.

Do the right thing and be honest with him. He deserves to know what happened and you will feel a lot better. You're about to go through a bad time and sending positive thoughts your way.

First, I like that you didn't put the blame on your boyfriend for what happened so that's a great start. Most people just follow their emotions and then use logic (blaming their partner) for their actions...so this shows maturity...

Second, being infatuated with other people is just a part of life and I can guarantee this is not the last time this will happen, even if you are married....

There is a saying though, 'if you play with fire you will get burned" .... so keep that in mind next time u think a guy is cute but want to just be friends while you are committed

Anyway, I completely understand what you were going through...actually same happened to me...I'm a guy so maybe it's different, but I'll have attractive women approaching me all the time (I'm actually kinda more quiet so I don't get it...someone said yesterday I'm really similar to Steve McQueen and he's quiet so whatever)...like my last post this weekend....this girl who was probably one of the most attractive girls in the entire city, highly educated, etc etc etc came up to me and asked me in a kinda polite cute flirty way if I could kiss her... she came up later again and actually went straight to me without me expecting it....AND she is seeing my friend who was standing right there!! Fml....apparently she is married too and wants me to go out together with them this Friday....u know how difficult that is? Ha...the first time she came to me I said my friend who she is seeing would be pissed and I'd feel bad.....then when we were all talking she like stared in my eyes and put her hand on my leg ....again fml ha...

So yeah it's super tough ....but maybe step back and think is it worth throwing everything away ? You already have someone loyal....

Anyway, how is your school going? What are you studying? Haha I'm jk

Ughhh, alcohol------ the reason for many bad decisions and regrets. I know.

Honestly I would not tell him. You are not married, not engaged, right?

It's great you feel guilty, I would be concerned if you didn't.

You need to forgive yourself. We all make mistakes. If it will eat away you, confess, but

be prepared to be broken up with. Once trust is gone, it's very difficult to attain again.

Since you know alcohol can cause a bad decision, you should limit your intake.

Or maybe not drink at all.

I would just echo what someone else said here as well that once you have given yourself a pass to do this sort of thing, it becomes much easier to do it again.

Also, that if you feel so tempted to cheat on your boyfriend, you cooled down things with him, etc etc. Maybe it would be best to break up and allow yourself to be free to do whatever you want.

I am in a situation now that I have pretty much an open invitation to have sex with my ex whenever I want (which would involve cheating on my gf) - trust me, it is not easy to keep yourself in check when you have options ... so you will be dealing with this dilemma throughout university. Make a decision and stick to it.

I don't think you should ever tell your boyfriend. You wouldn't be telling him because he deserves to know, you're telling him because you can't handle the guilt. If I were him, I would never want to know. Chances are, eventually your relationship will end one way or another, and hopefully he won't look back at you as a cheating b*tch. Just stay focused and stay out of situations where you could do this again.

For example, I am happily married. I am a nurse and often have to take blood to the lab. There is a very attractive, tall nurse that works at the ER where I drop the blood off. I actually hate my job, and that particular ER is hiring. I won't even apply for the job, because I don't want to have to work with him and feel weird. Because as pretty as he is to look at, he could never be what my husband is to me. I am polite when I talk to him, I don't flirt or try to make the conversation last longer, I'm just nice and go about my day. That is a choice that you make once you've decided to be in a committed relationship.

Tell him.

He loves you and if he sees that you have that feeling of guilt he will forgive you after some time, after all we are all humans, we all have times of our weaknesses.

I cant tell you much because i did something very bad, I rejected the love twice, from a girl who gave everything for me, she was the only person who gave me a hope that I can be happy too. Now I can stop regret what I did.

Tell him, but open your heart to him, he will forgive you

I don't agree with above, chances are he won't forgive you. Buy I still think he deserves to know. I would want to know if someone cheated on me and then decide where I want to go from there. The truth will come out at some point so better now rather than years later...