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Thread: Should I ask him to do a Long Distance Relationship? Help!

  1. #1
    Chrissy1187
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    Should I ask him to do a Long Distance Relationship? Help!

    So I've never tried any dating apps before, I was in an 8 yr relationship and then was single for a little bit and was in a 1.5 yr relationship I got out of about 5 months ago. Just for fun I tried out the dating app bumble and matched with a guy, we ended up chatting for a few days and met up for a date. We had a blast, stayed out for most of the night and kissed at the end (sparks were flying). The only catch is he does not know how long he is going to be here (in my town) for. He said it could be anywhere from the end of October (earliest leaving) to a few months depending on how long his job takes, his company sent him here on business. Most likely it will be the end of October. I live in Florida and he usually lives in Missouri. Our first date was a little over 2 weeks ago and we have talked through text/phone at least every day, both of us equally starting the conversations. We have also hung out more days then not hanging out over these past 2 weeks. It feels like we have known eachother for a long time (corny sounding I know). We have been physical with each other and things are just so natural. His company has set him up with a condo here and he cooks dinner for me, always asks me how my day is going, always wants me to come over or spend time with me, he even has fixed this little problem with my car. Any day he gets off of work (which has only been 1 day a week) he spends with me.

    He has gone out with me and my friends, and he had some friends driving though my town who he wanted me to go out and meet, which I did. He was affectionate with me in front of them as well. I have been trying not to get too attached since I don't know where this is going to go, but that is becoming more difficult as I spend more time with him. He talks about doing things a couple weeks from now with me (going to see a movie coming out, going to see my hometown an hour away) and I have a bike at my moms house I was going to keep at his house since he is living down at the beach. I told him my brother could get it for me to bring it there, but he said he wouldnt mind going to my mothers and getting it and meeting my mom which I wouldn't mind happening. Since meeting, both him and I have deleted the bumble app and are not talking to anyone else. Im 30 and he is 37, neither of us have been married, no kids. It feels as though we are already in a relationship just be how we act and are very affectionate, joke around a lot, have had conversations about our families. It is so great and I really like him and I'm assuming he feels the same.

    My question is.. at the end of his time here should I approach the subject of a LDR? I don't want to right now since it has only been two-three weeks and we are enjoying each other, but I feel if it keeps going this way I would be open to a LDR. I don't have anything serious tying me to where I am at right now so I would be open to moving if we got very serious. He owns a home and has a great job where he lives so I'm sure he would want to stay. Should I bring up an LDR before he leaves or wait for him to leave and see if he wants us to meet up again? Tickets are pretty cheap for me to fly over the weekends a couple times a month and vice versa so I would be willing to do that. ahhh I dont know if we are just having a fun month or if there is more there.. feels like there is.. but I don't know how or if i should approach the subject and when.. please help!

  2. #2
    Honeycomb8
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    You need to slow down. You've only had two weeks worth of dates, so doubt it's more than a few? And now you have slept with him and feeling a false sense of intimacy. It's way too early to talk long distance, and you need to think of this from a rational standpoint. Not just what ur infatuation is telling you.

  3. #3
    mustlovedogs
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    Enjoy it a little longer. Wait to see if he goes back home or not at the end of October. Treat it like dating and approach exclusivity when it would the normal time to ask.

  4. #4
    Chrissy1187
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    yes, Im def not trying to bring up a LDR right now. I just want to know if I should bring up the idea of it at the end of this month before he goes or should I wait for him to go back home and then see what happens. and if i should bring it up, how do i approach it. We have been on more then a few dates, i actually spent the weekend at his place and we have been together more times then not since we have started hanging out.

  5. #5
    Chrissy1187
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    UPDATE: he is still in town on work, last night i asked him if he would like me to come visit him a couple weeks after he leaves and goes back to missouri. He said that would be great and he would like me to come visit. I would only be able to stay for a weekend, but thinking about him leaving and not being in my life anymore makes me really sad. I dont think I am going to bring up any type of relationship talk before he leaves. I think I will see how the visit goes when he is back home, I dont know how long to let the long distance visiting happen before bringing up a relationship. I would be willing to move if things got serious.. i just wish i knew what he was thinking about us without having to upright ask.. but i may have to. I just dont know how soon I should. Not been in this situation before.

  6. #6
    MissCanuck
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    See how the first visit goes. Don't even worry about bringing up relationship talk right now. You first need to assess how (and if) communication and mutual interest is maintained once he moves back.

    Wait and see if he shows interest in coming to see you sometimes too, and if he takes the initiative to keep things going. Your interest level is clear, so it will be his turn after he moves to show you where his is at.

  7. #7
    abitbroken
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    Yes. no relationship talk. See how the visit goes. That is all. you have not dated long enough to automatically "decide" to have an LDR

  8. 10-17-2017, 01:33 PM

  9. #8
    Chrissy1187
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    I agree...

    Yes, I agree I think I will just keep things simple and light while he is here. we are spending almost everyday together, which in a new dating situation I would not do.. but since we are not sure how long he is here for I am trying to soak up as much time as I can. He invites me over so I am not just showing up. He actually had me out to dinner with all his coworkers here in town the other night and it went really well. He is affectionate with me in front of them (not over the top, just little affections). I always offer to pay for my part when we go out and he never lets me pay. I keep my bike at his condo now and I pretty much live with him down at the beach. I know I am living in a lala land bubble right now with him, and I agree with you about waiting to see how the visit goes. I have a complicated living situation right now, my mother was sick and I moved in with her to help out so I am staying with her right now. If he came to visit I dont think I would have him stay with me at her house, she is fine with it but something about my 37 yr old guy coming to stay with me at my moms house makes me feel so 15 year old and yahhhhh.. so I think I would go see him more, unless he wanted to go for a hotel here. I am just nervous I am setting myself up for a loss, he is so affectionate and attentive and wants to see me all the time and we genually have such a great time together, I just hope this is how he is and not just because he is away from all his friends and family and im the one that is around...but then again i tell myself he could have kept on going on other dates and had other women around and doesnt need to be so great to me. He is gorgeous and so much fun, we workout together, make dinner together, go out, watch the sunrise, have beach days, and he cuddles up to me every night (bleh i know lol). I know it is so early, but I am falling for him. I just need to be careful. But i hope the first visit goes well and Ill just keep things light and nice. Thanks for the input! Ill keep you posted! I appreciate any advice!!

  10. #9
    abitbroken
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    Does he ever go to see you? I mean, while you are in Florida, or do you always go to his place?

  11. #10
    Chrissy1187
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    We just met while he has been in Florida on business about 3 weeks ago. I always go stay with him at his condo, which is only about 20 min away from where I live, for a few reasons 1) he lives in a better location where we can bike to bars, restaurants, walk out to the beach.. I live more in town where not much is going on, and the main reason is if you see my most reason post.. I currently am living with my mother, she was sick and my lease was up so I put my things in storage and moved in with her to help out around the house and with the bills. She is okay with it but I feel a little akward having him come stay with me there living with my mother. He has already met her, but I would rather us have our own space vs feeling like I'm in high school and a guy coming to stay the night lol. I'm 30 he is 37 and it would just feel weird to me for us to stay there when he is not my boyfriend or anything.

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