Dating someone new but is getting a new female housemate

Hey guys,

I have started recently dating a man who has three children and has them half the week. He has a large house and is renting a room out and the person moving in is a woman who has recently come out of a relationship.

We have been seeing one another about 6 weeks and things are going well but there is no label yet. When he told me about a woman moving in my anxiety peaked and I don’t know if I’m overthinking things but I keep thinking he may hook up with her in the future.

Am I over thinking things? X

Eh, I wouldn't be comfortable with that. For me, this comes under the heading of "the appearance of impropriety", meaning that even if he doesn't do anything, it still looks like a possibly shady and potentially awkward situation. At just 6 weeks, I'd probably just look at this as his relationship boundaries and mine do not align and move on. He is not wrong and I can see the arguments for a female roommate, but honestly, it's just not something I'd want to deal with. I like my peace of mind more.

I had a female roommate in the beginning of my relationship with my fiancee. Was never an issue. But it's also perfectly fine if that's a boundary you can't do. It's not wrong to not want a guy with a lady in the house. What would be wrong is knowing that, staying with him, and subsequently giving him grief over it. Be honest with yourself in what's right for you.

Thank you both for replying. I don’t think it’s something I’m comfortable with so I know what I need to do. Thank you again.

Personally? I wouldn't stay with anyone who didn't trust me to pick my own roommates, whatever their gender. If my partner can't trust me to share bills and sleep under the same roof as someone with the set of genitals I'm in to, then that person doesn't trust me enough to be in a relationship with me.

Thank you both for replying. I don’t think it’s something I’m comfortable with so I know what I need to do. Thank you again.

Good for you ...honestly it is refreshing to see someone know themselves and do what they need to do .

You are also a Yorkshire lass ..... that makes me smile

I think it all depends.. on the whole situation.. why is she moving in, because he needs the extra income is she just a friend he's temporarily helping, how well does he know her or is she just some random woman moving in, etc... I personally am a super jealous type but I try very hard to control it because I know most of the time it's just all in my stupid head so I would TRY to analyze it all out but I would at least voice your feelings to him about it all before just writing him off. See what he has to say. May change your mind about it all or he may change his about letting her move in...

How old is the lady? Same age group/younger? Is she moving in with kids as well? Is she in a relationship? Are they friends? etc etc

Lots of variables. If she was his ex, and you met her before, and you sensed some chemistry between them.... then yeah........ if she is a 70 yr old granny with Alzheimer's, whose grandson visits every day to feed her.. not so much.

The woman is in her late 20s and is a stranger, single and has no kids. He doesn’t need the money just wants extra money.

I most likely am over thinking things and nothing could happen between them but for my mental health I do need to end things. I would always be thinking what if and over thinking things.

It’s only been a month and a half so I don’t have any right really asking him not to move anyone in. Least I know early enough before things got serious.

Thanks for the replies x

With it being only six weeks in, along with barely knowing each other, I wouldn't take the gamble.

What I find strange is that if he doesn't need the money badly why not wait to get a more suitable roommate especially since his kids stay there -I would think a 20s single woman will keep late hours/not be quiet, etc.