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Thread: In a pickle regarding love life

  1. #31
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    To answer your question, to me, chemistry, that "energy" between two people, involves a mutual connection of course. It's more a mental connection though, the "emotional" connection takes time to develop, with some a short time, with others longer.

    Generally speaking, it's that feeling you have when you meet someone that you've known them forever, a certain comfort, a natural mental connection that requires little to no effort. It just "exists." It's easy.

    You can feel chemistry with friends. I have and we've gone on to become very good friends!

    I've met others and don't feel that energy, and we haven't become friends.

    What differentiates romantic chemistry from friendship chemistry is sexual attraction. But both begin with a natural mental connection, imo.

    Have you ever felt that chemistry/energy/connection with someone upon first meeting them mdumi? Talking with them?

    I hope my explanation doesn't sound too pedestrian; energy between people is a bit difficult to explain in words. It's intangible and something you just "feel."
    Upon first meeting them? I get along with quite a few people, but I can't seem to remember my first meeting with them. "Natural" mental connection.... I adapt to the person I'm talking with. Whatever they're into, I get into. My personality is putty to mold. I'd be nice to have a natural connection, but there's nothing natural about my interests and personality, it's all cause and effect, determined by outside factors.

    That said, I have many good friends, so obviously people feel connected to me. I guess what I lack is being an object of attraction then? Am I that exhilaratingly ugly, I wonder?....

  2. #32
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    You seem very rigid. Outside of being "stormy," you seem like you are devoid of a lot of emotion...very clinical. Movies are mostly entertainment and not necessarily meant to be some life-changing experience. Why not just enjoy the movie for what it is...fun, scary, action, romance...whatever. It's a source of entertainment, a conversation starter. I've had numerous conversations with coworkers about a show we both like and then we start talking about other stuff. Someone asks a question. Someone complains. Someone consoles. Someone has something funny to share.

    Back to "stormy." A couple of your descriptions are about how people you know or have known since high school, are a little afraid of you; afraid to set you off. That is definitely something to work on. What are you doing? What are your actions, demeanor, or behavior that makes you look like you could blow at any moment? Is your facial expression angry? Is your body language angry? Can you work on changing that? Have a pleasant tone? Practice what a happy face feels like...not a full grin at all times, but a softer, happier facial tone so it seems you're closer to a smile than a rant when you're going about your day and your face is more neutral? Does this make sense? If you're walking around looking like a powder keg, women will avoid you. I have dated men of your culture, and their very strong personality and demanding demeanor can be quite intimidating. It is also my heritage. I don't know if you're in the US or in your country of origin, so it's a little difficult to really gauge "normal" in your culture, but to me, softening up a bit might help you out.

    Outside of that, I don't really know. I talk to strangers. Sometimes with these meetup groups, people know each other and it can be a little cliquey and hard to wedge yourself in, so I understand your difficulty there. These groups are to meet strangers...it's the meetup's "job," so somehow you have to find a way to engage with these strangers. You're meeting over a common interest, and that's the ice-breaker. If you meetup with a movie group and downplay the movie and can't find anything good about it, lament that it didn't change your life, people aren't going to want to talk further. It was "Baby Driver." What life-changing experience was supposed to happen? Maybe don't focus so much on women, but get closer to some of the guys, and watch how the guy interacts with the ladies and other men in camaraderie, and see if you can mirror that behavior or recognize where you're falling short. Then you'll start talking to the ladies much easier. It's always useful to have a wingman. You can do this now with your friends, I hope. Are your friends all tied up in a clique and/or coupled up, or do they talk to strangers, flirt, pick up chicks or dudes? Watch them and how they interact and see if you can do the same.

  3. #33
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    Hello!

    About the experience or lack thereof regarding relationships. Iíve known people who have had only one relationship ever, and are married to this day. A relationship involves being able to compromise with each other, and having mutual trust. As long as you communicate what your needs are and what your expectations are, you will be fine.

    Confidence. A woman likes a man to be confident. If you arenít confident, then that could be a reason girls shy away.

    The gym is a wonderful place to meet a girl. My husband first asked me out at our gym.

    Please re think the online dating. If nothing else this could give you some practice for when you meet the girl of your dreams. You donít even have to meet them. You could just talk, and get some practice that way. :)

  4. #34
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    Well, in the intervening time of the first post, I have tried and am trying Tinder. However NONE of my matchups feel any need to reply to me. I'm mostly monologuing, and it's extremely frustrating. Why even bother to have an account if you never check it?..
    The reason I'm worried is that even though other men are just as demanding (or even moreso; I myself tend to be rather undemanding except for communication; I'm talky) they seem to do ok.
    Hell 16-17 year old teenagers with abysmal self confidence get into relationships, why not me? There's tons of people who don't like themselves in relationships, so why not me? It's like it falls into their dammed lap.

  5.  

  6. 03-10-2019, 08:51 AM

  7. 03-10-2019, 09:19 AM
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    refers to deleted post.

  8. #35
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    There is someone out there for you. Make sure to update us when you find her.

  9. 03-11-2019, 10:13 PM

  10. #36
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mdumi
    Hell 16-17 year old teenagers with abysmal self confidence get into relationships, why not me? There's tons of people who don't like themselves in relationships, so why not me? It's like it falls into their dammed lap.
    I suspect that opportunities to connect are there, but that you fail to recognize them. In real life, not on Tinder. I'm not just talking romantic connection, but friendships, too.

    Seriously think about this. How do you explain opportunities falling in other peoples' laps, but not yours? Magic?

    You can't really hide behind "I'm an engineer," because many engineers do have successful relationships and make great friends.

  11. #37
    Silver Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Learn to socialize with others by getting a part-time sales job - get paid to introduce yourself to people and start conversations.

    Women are people too! lol

  12. 03-13-2019, 04:35 AM
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    Troll

  13. 03-13-2019, 04:36 AM
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    Troll

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