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Thread: Should I tell my friend something on my mind or not?

  1. #1
    Jcucinotta4815

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    Should I tell my friend something on my mind or not?

    Thanks hun. Much appreciated. Want to tell the guy I like he really hurt my feelings again last night over something. I asked kinda last minute if I could stay over with him and a mutual friend after a night of drinking and cards against humanity. I thought I was going to be late for coming home because I am going to the Cape. At first he said yes and then when we wanted to go to sleep he said he wished I had told him sooner I wanted to stay (I hem and hawed about it until 10:30 last night) because him sleeping on the floor is not good for his narcolepsy. He offered to sleep on floor at first. But then I left because I wanted him to sleep well. Should I tell him deep down I felt hurt and he was again making me feel like a bad person?

  2. #2
    Jcucinotta4815

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    Sorry about the first two sentences. They were copied and pasted from Facebook Messenger to share here.

  3. #3
    rosephase
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    He wasn't MAKING you feel like a bad person. You felt like a bad person. That's on you. He has nothing to do with it. You felt guilty because you waited way to long to ask to stay the night and you were super inconveniencing him and not leaving him much of an option. You left because you felt bad when he told you how uncomfortable he was going to be sleeping on the floor with narcolepsy and you went home. You feel like a bad person because you assumed that it was a small ask to stay at his place and it turns out it was a big ask. You aren't a bad person and he didn't make you feel that way.

    This is something you deal with on your own. And make plans, like spending the night, a lot earlier.

  4. #4
    Hollyj
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    Why would he sleep on the floor, instead of in his bed?

  5. #5
    j.man
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    Why didn't you just sleep on the floor?

  6. #6
    Jcucinotta4815

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hollyj [Register to see the link]
    Why would he sleep on the floor, instead of in his bed?
    He is like that when guests are around. His guy friend took his bed and he said I could take the couch at first. He is a gentlemen that way.

  7. #7
    itsallgrand
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    This is a guy you would like to date? Am I reading that right?

  8. #8
    Jcucinotta4815

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    Quote Originally Posted by rosephase [Register to see the link]
    He wasn't MAKING you feel like a bad person. You felt like a bad person. That's on you. He has nothing to do with it. You felt guilty because you waited way to long to ask to stay the night and you were super inconveniencing him and not leaving him much of an option. You left because you felt bad when he told you how uncomfortable he was going to be sleeping on the floor with narcolepsy and you went home. You feel like a bad person because you assumed that it was a small ask to stay at his place and it turns out it was a big ask. You aren't a bad person and he didn't make you feel that way.

    This is something you deal with on your own. And make plans, like spending the night, a lot earlier.
    About the plan making, that part I get and I feel is reasonable enough. Just feeling like I always get judged by him for making mistakes like that. I am in love with the guy too (sometimes to the point where I have been clingy and overly emotional), and he still feels like I am obsessive or crazy even though I am doing my best not to be. I just enjoy his company when we joke and gave fun.

  9. #9
    Jcucinotta4815

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    Quote Originally Posted by itsallgrand [Register to see the link]
    This is a guy you would like to date? Am I reading that right?
    I do love him yes. Have loved him for two years. The relationship I have with him as a friend is complicated. We tried the dating thing but it never got anywhere and I was sad (but I know now it was because I was obsessive when we tried the dating thing and it was highly based on sex). But now he is into a girl I highly dislike and that makes me upset. Not as much that they are into each other but that he expects me to be close friends with her because she lives close to me and she and I are both on the autism spectrum. She is just too much of a showy person for my tastes.

  10. #10
    rosephase
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jcucinotta4815 [Register to see the link]
    He is like that when guests are around. His guy friend took his bed and he said I could take the couch at first. He is a gentlemen that way.
    Asking your host with sleeping issues to sleep on the floor is a big ask. And one your shouldn't make lightly. And one you should talk through before 10:30pm the night of. AND it sounds like he was still offering... you choose not to because that is the nice thing to do when your friend is going to be uncomfortable all night for you. But yeah... I would offer to sleep on the floor if that situation came up. I might just go home like you did. But I wouldn't sit my kind friend down and tell them they hurt my feelings by letting me know how much I was putting him out if I stayed. I would probably apologizes for putting him in that situation in the first place.

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