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Thread: Did I ruined this?

  1. #1
    ella20
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    Did I ruined this?

    Would be very grateful for any advice...
    I am 39 F. About 3 weeks ago one man came to my workplace for an interview and I realised a few days later he started to work for one of the companies. He stopped a few times on his way up to ask how am doing etc week later said he is going for a drink with co workers and if I like to join. I politely declined but he asked me a few times more over 2 weeks period. One day I agreed and I joined them for a drink and then two of us went to eat something. Then we went for a walk along river which ended funny as we got slightly lost. After that we went for one more drink and that was it. He gave a kiss at the end of it. I liked that but said it was too forward. He texted after to thank me for amazing evening. Next day he texted once and the day after. At work I saw him briefly passing by and he smiled few times. Once we walked to station together when we had lots of laughter. He texted me the next day "when am free for next night out after work?" I made a joke and asked if he only operates Mon to Fri. He asked if I would prefer weekend. I texted back that weekdays are fine for shorter meetings but for night out weekends are better cause I can relax etc. He then said that weekends days he likes to spend with family members but after 7pm should be fine.. Then added that we can squeeze in between a few short meetings (he is 35 by the way). This has surprised me a bit cause I did not mean to change his routine but at the same time he is busy each weekend till 7pm till the end of year?
    I then responded "hey no pressure, we can meet when convenient for us both and trust me I have a life too".
    He said to that that it would be nice to spend more time with me as we have nice time together.

    Somehow I did not respond to this message any more and left it....
    This was on Wednesday and I did not hear from him since ...saw him briefly at work but either he was with colleague or me.

    Does that mean I put him off? I am not sure why I didn't say "hey lets have few meetings between....sounds good" or something like that....
    I am not sure if he is single...he didn't say it -he never called me once since he has my number..texted few times only.
    I am worried I ruined everything
    I like him, this was the best date/ non date I ever had ....we had amazing time ,could not stop talking and 6 hours seemed like 6 minutes....am gutted...was careful cause we working in the same building ..but I didn't want to ruin it ...please help me here

  2. #2
    melancholy123
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    I gotta say I wonder if he's married or living with someone...

    Why not ask him if he wants to meet up again and when, and see how it goes. Pay attention to what he says and body language to see if you can discern if he's in a relationship.

  3. #3
    katrina1980
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    He said that it would be nice to spend more time together, and "somehow" you did not respond and left it?

    Would you mind clarifying "somehow"?

    Somehow I think you know why you didn't respond back, we all usually do, there is always a reason.

    Playing games, disinterest, ambivalence, fear, whatever, there is always a reason.

    Anyway, sounds like you had developed a great rapport, and your not responding back broke that rapport, connection.

    If you want to remedy this, you need to text him and ask him out.

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  5. #4
    MissCanuck
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    He more than likely thinks you're not interested, OP. You kind of blew off his suggestion of meeting after 7 on a weekend, and then didn't reply at all when he suggested spending more time together. Why would he try again when he's met with silence?

    You don't just "somehow" not respond. So what was your motivation in not replying to him? There's obviously a reason but I can't begin to guess what it was.

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  7. #5
    ella20
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    Thank you for your input...much appreciated. I guess I didn't responded cause I was a bit surprised about his response about his weekends I.e. he is busy with family members till 7pm . Sort of strange response to someone you apparently like...no flexibility?
    I also convinced myself he has someone and I look for a proof I guess ...not sure
    I was fully of fears...no games just fear ...also we work in the same building ...didnt want to make awkward so I didn't initiate much. I messed up

  8. #6
    katrina1980
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    I hate to speculate, and perhaps OP will return to explain, but if she's like other women I know, she was "shyt testing" him, to gauge his interest, and how hard he will chase to prove interest..

    I used to do this myself when younger (and insecure). It's fear-based behavior.

    Guys do it too! Push/pull, etc, it's all very common, especially in early stages.

    I could be wrong!

  9. #7
    ella20
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    What can I do now ?

  10. #8
    katrina1980
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    Quote Originally Posted by ella20 [Register to see the link]
    What can I do now ?
    Txt him and suggest getting together. After 7:00 PM on a weekend, since that time frame works for both of you.

    That would be best, but if you're too 'chicken' for that (no disrespect, I've been there myself lol), send him a "feeler" text.

    Engage him a bit. If he's interested, he will respond after which you can play it out.

    Don't play games.

    Good luck and let us know!

  11. #9
    ella20
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    Thank you so much Katrina ... I actually just saw his what's app status posted at midnight last night ...from some jazz club he was ...i am sure he was not there alone ...in fact as this is video I heard female voice in the background saying " I love this ..." am puzzled ...so he dates others or maybe this was his partner ....i can't compete with nobody ...i don't have the energy and heart ..am too sensitive

  12. #10
    MissCanuck
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    Quote Originally Posted by ella20 [Register to see the link]
    Thank you so much Katrina ... I actually just saw his what's app status posted at midnight last night ...from some jazz club he was ...i am sure he was not there alone ...in fact as this is video I heard female voice in the background saying " I love this ..." am puzzled ...so he dates others or maybe this was his partner ....i can't compete with nobody ...i don't have the energy and heart ..am too sensitive
    And how exactly do you know it wasn't a sister, friend, cousin, woman sitting at the table beside him?

    You are making a lot of assumptions about this man. If you're going to view everything through such a self-defeating filter, you are going to potentially miss some great opportunities. Have you always been this insecure?

    Even if he was on a date, why shouldn't he be? You keep dodging him. Men aren't going to just wait around for someone who is less-than-enthusiastic about seeing them.

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