Can a age gap make a big difference?

Im currently seeing someone who is almost 11 years older than me,ive always been very mature for my age (21) so i dont see it as being an issue. We’ve been together for about a month,btw. I think it becomes a problem in my situation because my partner is very stubborn and set in his ways. It seems to be all about sex with him,and one sided sex at that. Another issue is we have yet to go on a date! I dont need to have a bunch of money spent on me,i feel like i dont know him as well as I should because whenever we are alone in a hotel we’re hooking up.(Hotels are the only place we can be intimate) I feel like the money being spent there could go to a movie or even a free date like the park or something. But i dont get either. I mentioned to him before about going somewhere free and spending time together since money was tight but instead he scrapes up some cash so we can hook up somewhere. It kinda makes me feel like im being used for sex,which I probably am. Can this issue be from the age difference? I dont think him being older than me should stop him from taking me out but could it be that hes so stubborn and unwilling to change because it’s something he’s used to. Opinions?

I should also add then when i have my period he still wants to see me and we get a room,he doesnt try anything sexual but he says he will make me feel better by giving me a massage but he ends up on his phone playing a game

This isn't a relationship, it's a sex hookup.

Move on.

If you feel you are being used for sex you probably are. Move on.

Unfortunately, this sounds like a sexual hookup.

This is all about sex, this isn't a relationship.

Also...every 21 year old thinks they are very mature for their age. I did....and in hindsight I was NOT. You're still learning and growing and this dude is totally taking advantage of that.

We started off as friends with benefits,but i see absolutely no change since we made it official. I just don’t understand why we haven’t gone on a date after being together for a month,going to McDonalds doesn’t count.

This is all about sex, this isn't a relationship.

 

Also...every 21 year old thinks they are very mature for their age. I did....and in hindsight I was NOT. You're still learning and growing and this dude is totally taking advantage of that.

I don’t think im mature in every aspect of my life because im definitely not,when I said that I meant ive always been a little ahead of the guys my age and i dont think id ever be compatible with a 21 year old guy. I agree that im still learning and growing but i always thought that i mesh better with someone who is older than me,no matter if its 5 years or 10

I felt the same way and to be honest, I would have probably acted the same way you are now. I get it, you like him and don't want to lose him....but what are you really getting out of this? This isn't a relationship.

What would someone his age do? Walk away...because he's not worth a decent woman's time. Stand your ground! You deserve to be taken out on a date. You deserve to have his attention when you're not engaged in sexual activities, he can get off his darn phone. He's treating you like this because you're allowing it.

Tell him you want to go on a date. Tell him what you want. If he doesn't deliver, walk away.

I felt the same way and to be honest, I would have probably acted the same way you are now. I get it, you like him and don't want to lose him....but what are you really getting out of this? This isn't a relationship.

 

What would someone his age do? Walk away...because he's not worth a decent woman's time. Stand your ground! You deserve to be taken out on a date. You deserve to have his attention when you're not engaged in sexual activities, he can get off his darn phone. He's treating you like this because you're allowing it.

 

Tell him you want to go on a date. Tell him what you want. If he doesn't deliver, walk away.

Woww that is soo true when i think of it,no one his age would decide to stay. I think for me its that ive never been in a relationship so im reluctant to let it go even though this barely counts as a relationship to begin with. I told him the next time i see him we should do something fun and he said it was a good idea,if he ends up trying to lure me to his room its gonna be a long talk. Oh and about his attention during sex I wouldn’t even say i have his full attention because he watches the porn thats on the tv more than he does me. I know what i have to do i just feel like I needed this validation and now I have it

Watching porn more than you really sounds unacceptable to me.

He's using you so he can get laid. It's pretty obvious what's going on here. Stop this. Find a guy closer to your own age. This guy could be married or living with someone and he doesnt want to take you out in public in case he's spotted.

Watching porn more than you really sounds unacceptable to me.

Yup it is. I give him a bj while he watches it and when he’s ready it’s straight to intercourse,absolutely no foreplay for little ol’ me. And it stay on the entire duration,when hes on top he’s looking up 90% of the time and when he’s behind its ideal for him to watch the tv. I never said anything about it and thats why he hasn’t stopped and it’s become a habit

It's not a habit, he's having his cake and eating it too. Trust me he knows full well how ridiculous his behaviour is, but why would he stop when you're allowing it?

OP he doesn't respect you one bit..you need to walk away from this.

He's using you so he can get laid. It's pretty obvious what's going on here. Stop this. Find a guy closer to your own age. This guy could be married or living with someone and he doesnt want to take you out in public in case he's spotted.

I know for a fact he is not married and he stays with his parents when not in a hotel. We’ve been together in public before,i think he doesnt want to take me out because he’d rather just hook up,i see your point

It's not a habit, he's having his cake and eating it too. Trust me he knows full well how ridiculous his behaviour is, but why would he stop when you're allowing it?

 

OP he doesn't respect you one bit..you need to walk away from this.

We always fall into the same routine and i never asked him to turn it off. Why i never told him to do so comes from my need to please him and avoid conflict

You shouldn’t have to ask him to focus on you during sex and stop watching porn...that should be an expectation. He knows what he’s doing is rude and thoughtless.

Again, what are you getting out of this? No respect, your sexual needs aren’t met and really no companionship... this is purely about his sexual satisfaction. Why are you bothering with this goof?

Yep, he is using you and you are letting him. The age difference has no bearing on the matter. Move on....... chi

What is the reason he's still living with his parents?

Not to not address your main situation.... I just wanted to comment on the age difference.

My personal opinion...it has little to nothing to do with it...

I wouldn't put a lot of energy worrying about weither it does...

He sounds awful... On so many levels... I don't even know you... But I can promise you this....

YOU DESERVE BETTER....

Work on your self respect and what you demand from a relationship.... Yes... It is ok to "demand' the very basic.

Respect

Honesty

Loyalty

Good communication

No relationship can have a fighting chance past superficial without those things.