SIL being unreasonable?

Back story:

My sister-in-law lived at home until she was 36 years old . Living at home rent free everything free . Her parents doing all her cooking ,all her laundry washing ....everything . Even though she's a teacher and her parents at 80 years old would go and help her set up her classroom because the poor thing possibly couldn't do it herself .

Present :

For the past 10 years or more she has lived on her own . She lives in the same condo complex as my in-laws . My mother-in-law has been in the hospital for four days but she's coming out either Sunday or Monday . This weekend is the Thanksgiving weekend for us . We had planned on seeing both families including my mother who recently had a total knee replacement six weeks ago .

Today my husband gets a text from his sister demanding that he spend the entire three days with his father because she can't handle him anymore . ( my father-in-law has Parkinson's with dementia) He told her he could give her 2 days .

UPDATE:

She just called him swearing and screaming at him because he wanted to spend one day with me and our son and my family. She just kept screaming and yelling and hung up on him.

I am flabbergasted. Truly.

It sounds like she's having a breakdown. Can you all sit down during those two days and discuss getting your FIL in home care for the interim while the MIL is in hospital?

SIL has never had to have any stress in her life so she's now feeling the crush of it. That's her parents fault for not allowing her to grow as an independent person.

I hope this doesn't ruin your thanks giving weekend. Will your MIL be out of hospital soon or do you know?

It sounds like she's having a breakdown. Can you all sit down during those two days and discuss getting your FIL in home care for the interim while the MIL is in hospital?

 

SIL has never had to have any stress in her life so she's now feeling the crush of it. That's her parents fault for not allowing her to grow as an independent person.

 

I hope this doesn't ruin your thanks giving weekend. Will your MIL be out of hospital soon or do you know?

She comes home in 2 days. My FIL would never go. He is incredibly billigerent when he doesn't want to do something even before he got dementia.

I am not talking to this woman. She disrespected my husband and me and my son and my parents by saying none of us should matter more than his parents. My husband offered her TWO days relief but she HAS to have all 3 or else. In the discussion she was screaming she didn't care about his work or his marriage or his own inlaw family and neither should he.

She had gone right off her rocker.

My husband just kept saying I understand you're upset. I understand you're upset . Please don't speak to me like that. Please don't talk to me like that...

I'd not be speaking to her either I suppose but I feel sorry for your poor FIL. I'd be fearing she'd abuse the poor man in her present unhinged state.

Good thing MIL will be home soon.

Don't let it ruin your family time if you can.

 

I'd not be speaking to her either I suppose but I feel sorry for your poor FIL. I'd be fearing she'd abuse the poor man in her present unhinged state.

 

Good thing MIL will be home soon.

 

Don't let it ruin your family time if you can.

I am so insulted for my FIL as well. This man carried her on his azz for 36 YEARS and she can't look after him for a WEEK wth!!! Lazy azz princess. And to disrespect my husband like that. Screw her.

Horrible situation. I feel for you. I hope your husband is able to stand up to her bullying. There's nothing wrong with him giving her 2 days instead of 3 on a holiday weekend. Sheesh!

Horrible situation. I feel for you. I hope your husband is able to stand up to her bullying. There's nothing wrong with him giving her 2 days instead of 3 on a holiday weekend. Sheesh!

He did stand up to her on the phone. He said he was pulling her aside when we get there today ( we live 3 hours away) and telling her to never speak to him like that again or he won't be speaking to her for sometimes. And if she wants to destroy a relationship with him keep going .

I already said that she's not welcome in my house . I have finally had enough of his family's crap after 28 years . They are all bat crap crazy . We were supposed to travel at the end of the month to go see a football game with her she's not coming or I am not going. And for the first time in 28 years he chose me .

And I'm proud to say for the first time in 28 years he stood up for me and our child . He finally realized how absolutely crazy they are.

And I'm proud to say for the first time in 28 years he stood up for me and our child . He finally realized how absolutely crazy they are.

Wow, it's awesome that he finally stood up for you, as so often the case is in these situations, the husband would either side with his family or, more likely, stay silent.

She sounds like a well-preserved snowflake who has no idea that the "real world" contains icky things.....like her own father, who has an illness and needs help. Nope, she's the one who's been taken care of her entire life, so she just can't see that if someone else needs help, it might be nice for her to step in.

Selfish, entitled, non-empathetic brat.

Nope, you don't need that in your life, and good for you for putting up your boundaries.

Wow, it's awesome that he finally stood up for you, as so often the case is in these situations, the husband would either side with his family or, more likely, stay silent.

 

She sounds like a well-preserved snowflake who has no idea that the "real world" contains icky things.....like her own father, who has an illness and needs help. Nope, she's the one who's been taken care of her entire life, so she just can't see that if someone else needs help, it might be nice for her to step in.

 

Selfish, entitled, non-empathetic brat.

 

Nope, you don't need that in your life, and good for you for putting up your boundaries.

You nailed it exactly. She's a spoiled self entitled little bytch. And after all both her parents have done for her she doesn't want to do one thing for them . And all week she's been telling my husband that everything is fine just fine she doesn't need any help and then yesterday she phoned screaming like a banshee . We live three hours away and my husband is in the military and he can't just leave anytime he feels like it. Plus he is leaving the country on Tuesday.

Our son is beyond upset . He cannot take conflict of any kind .

She's not just entitled and selfish, it sounds like she actually has a mental disorder where she just "can't" see or feel empathy towards others.

Sometimes, these things are caused by environmental factors, which is what I bet is the case here. She was coddled for way too long by her parents (still is!), so her learned behavior is to just sit, as someone else will do things. Her brother, your husband, OTOH, was likely raised differently, as often, kids from the same parents are. He was likely given responsibilities, and he chose to embrace those responsibilities, hence his military service! So you have two diametrically opposed children from the same parents: one is this awesome provider, husband, and father, and the other is a parasitic, whining selfish brat.

I actually just had lunch with an extended family member who is going through the exact same thing: two sisters from the exact same parents. One is hardworking, responsible, is a great wife, works hard, owns a home. The other is a drug-addicted manipulative loser who only comes back around to her parents when she needs money, and the parents actually beg that (adult!) child to stick around, bribing her with money and recently, a nice car.

It's a shame. All you can do is keep your boundaries up. I'd hate this, so I completely get where you're coming from.

Unbelievable. I dropped my husband off and she didn't even say hello to her own brother. She walked right past him and gave him a dirty look and went out.

Update:

You know how she said she NEEDED him there for relief. WELL, she went out for one hour and came back and hung around for the whole rest of the seven hours.

Since drama queens love their drama, I'd just let husband handle his own family and pretend as though I know nothing about any of it. Why should I play into her 'thing,' when I can just enjoy her reaction to the idea that husband must have thought so little of this that he didn't even mention it to me.

Adopting indignation isn't helpful to husband--or to anyone else. I'd rather let the chips fall and allow her to knock herself out.

Head high.

Since drama queens love their drama, I'd just let husband handle his own family and pretend as though I know nothing about any of it. Why should I play into her 'thing,' when I can just enjoy her reaction to the idea that husband must have thought so little of this that he didn't even mention it to me.

 

Adopting indignation isn't helpful to husband--or to anyone else. I'd rather let the chips fall and allow her to knock herself out.

 

Head high.

We saw my MIL at the hospital tonight. Before hand my husband sent his sister a text saying he loves his parents and he has no problems helping if he is given time to plan but springing things on us ,no. And he asked for an apology and to stop abusing him.

Apparently my MIL had a kidney infection but all cleared up and no heart issues whatsoever. Now she needs physio because she has been in bed so long. She wants to go home and I volunteered to look after them for a week so my MIL could come home and miss snot bag could go back to work. ( I will have to miss out on my work) And take my son to my mother's.

My husband has received no apology or even a thank you that I am coming.

My SIL phoned me to say her and my FIL are so thankful I am coming. She said my father-in-law couldn’t stop talking about how grateful he is . Due to his dementia he has very very little memory left he asks you the same questions over and over and over and over and over even after 30 seconds . Even called my son ,his grandson by the wrong name yesterday .I am very nervous because my son wants to stay at home and my husband will be in the UK. I am going to leave my girlfriend money to come be with him if need be.

My SIL hasn’t made up with my husband yet . She said she will but I know she wants to reiterate her point once more that one’s parents should come first before anyone. But she’s not married ever has been married never even had a boyfriend so she doesn’t even know what it’s like to have another family . And she doesn’t understand that my parents are not spring chickens either they may not be 85 but my stepdad 78 and still works full-time . And my mom just had total complete knee replacement .

When she called me last night I was crying and I said please just make up with your brother you’re breaking his heart . And she said she will in time I said don’t leave it until it’s too late .

My husband said she was even like this as a child she would throw absolute hissy fits and she would get her way because she was daddy‘s princess . And my husband would get massacred even if he let out one peep . His father believe that women should be treated like princesses and he should be harsh and hard on his son to make him a “ man.” What his father didn’t realize is that he got while a very athletic and boy’s boy his son was very very sensitive. And it has taken my husband his entire adult life to recover from being emotionally abused as a kid .

Personally I think the only reason that she’s acting grateful is the fact that I told her mother about her absolute hissy fit . And that she was yelling and screaming at her brother . I don’t sweep stuff under the carpet like they all do and pretend that nothing is wrong .

I said I also don’t think you realize that your brother loves his parents just as much as you do but that we live so far away and how hard that is on him . And if you had needed help communicating this point at an earlier time would have been a lot better and we could have organized something . When you suddenly go off your rocker on a holiday that’s just not appropriate . And I realize you were stressed and I can really appreciate that my family has not been in the best of health either but fighting with the only member of your family you’re going to have left after your parents die is not a good strategy .

Update:

I went down for four days last week and looked after my father-in-law . That was kind of a horror show because I've never looked after someone with that bad dementia before . My husband was delayed in the UK due to broken aircraft and got home at 9 o'clock last night . His mom just got released from the hospital and he is going down there today until Friday to make sure everyone's OK .

My sister-in-law still has not said sorry to her brother .