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Thread: Ex told me to move on yet still lives in apt I pay rent and electric on.....

  1. #1
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    Ex told me to move on yet still lives in apt I pay rent and electric on.....

    My ex fiance broke up with me a month ago and still lives in the apartment we share and we both signed on the lease. Only, the unique issue is that I am currently 2-3 months into a 9 month deployment for military service. She gave me the ol' break up talk over TEXT. I wasn't even worth a phone call or skype. Sadly I had to make the first call! I foolishly pleaded with her not to do this now. Perfect timing eh? The apartment all to yourself. I know, it could be worse. At least I wasn't married to her or God forbid had kids. I did nothing but cherish that woman. I can honestly say this was a total surprise.

    Before I left, I did my responsible pre-deployment checks and dues and made sure that she had money for bills. I gave her almost a full years rent, it was just more convenient that way for both of us and I am currently paying the electric bill via auto pay. I'm really just here to vent bc I understand I made these choices and I don't think there is anything I can do about it under the legal sense. It just rustles my jimmies when she tells me that I need to move on, ok sure.

    I am over here in a hole country surviving and busting my ass when I just want to break down. Oh I'll move on, it's just going to be a little more challenging but I'm a tough SOB. Thanks for that. Move on?? We have 3 solid years of things accumulated at home in our apartment and bills to pay....and there is nothing I can do about it while I am over here. I am forced to suck it up til I'm home. I can get someone to get my things, yes. But I'm still forced to pay while I'm here. It just bothers me that she has the place to herself with the money I gave her for rent and I don't know who she invites over. I don't trust anybody. Is there anyone that can maybe help me see straight bc I'm all over the place going through these 'break up stages' over here all alone. Damn you woman. I told her that I was moving out as soon as the lease it up which is right about the time that I am due back next year. Good riddance.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    First off, thank you for your service... be safe.
    Now:

    (edited) I see that her name is on the lease.

    Can you have your "boys" go over and have her removed? (half kidding)

    Have you stopped payment on the prepaid services?

    Can you transfer funds out of the account you gave her the rent money in?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member RainyCoast's Avatar
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    have you tried what mikey said about the family care center?

    there's military folks on here who will hopefully have suggestions.

    there must be someone you can go to with issues like these about something happening back home? alternatively, do you have parents or siblings or someone you could authorize to handle this on your behalf?

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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    First off, thank you for your service... be safe.
    Now:

    (edited) I see that her name is on the lease.

    Can you have your "boys" go over and have her removed? (half kidding)

    Have you stopped payment on the prepaid services?

    Can you transfer funds out of the account you gave her the rent money in?
    I thank you. I have not stopped the prepay yet.

    -Matter of fact another one of our 'pre-deployment check' off the ol list was to put me on her bank account. So yes I think I can do this.

    -I am contacting the manager at the apartment complex to see what I can do about the lease and exercise any rights if I have any.

    I am trying my best to remain amicable, fair and legal. I am angry yes but I am also responsible for my actions and I don't play myself to be a victim. The line is drawn between 'amicable' and being taken advantage if that makes any sense. I don't want to be taken advantage of.

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    Originally Posted by RainyCoast
    have you tried what mikey said about the family care center?

    there's military folks on here who will hopefully have suggestions.

    there must be someone you can go to with issues like these about something happening back home? alternatively, do you have parents or siblings or someone you could authorize to handle this on your behalf?
    Yes that is correct, text msg breakup.
    I do have parents that live within the area back home, I have reached out but they are old fashioned and don't have speedy ways of communication. I have yet to hear from them. I'm still figuring out who else I can talk to.

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    Originally Posted by RainyCoast
    have you tried what mikey said about the family care center?

    there's military folks on here who will hopefully have suggestions.

    there must be someone you can go to with issues like these about something happening back home? alternatively, do you have parents or siblings or someone you could authorize to handle this on your behalf?
    About the family care center....I am in activated National Guard and might be slightly different than the active duty side but I am going to find someone here that can maybe point me in the right direction.

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    I would have her removed by management. Less utilities to worry about, or you can arrange to have a short-term sublet with furniture, and just have friends or family pack up things you don't want out.

    Sorry she is such a tool. Thank you for your service!

  9. #8
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Straight up and all emotional stuff aside, you are on the lease and therefore responsible for the lease. That said, does the lease have an early out clause? Like you can pay ex amount, give notice and get out. Since you are both on the lease, that might be more complicated to get out of, but not necessarily impossible. Call the landlord, ask them to e-mail you copy of the lease agreement, read it and see. If nothing there, call again, explain the situation and see if they'll work with you to get you out of the lease. Tell your ex that she needs to start looking into either moving out or taking the lease on by herself because you are not waiting around to get out.

    As for the electric, time to cut off the gravy train. Tell her that she since you are no longer a couple and just "roommates" for all practical purposes and you aren't even there to use it, she needs to transfer the electric to her name and start paying her bills. You'll be canceling the electric on x date.

    Finally, you are in the military, so I know you can get free legal help for this sort of stuff from your base at home. Make a skype appointment and see what a lawyer can help you with in terms of getting out of the lease and how, what your practical responsibilities are, etc.

    If you really want your stuff out, call on some friends to come get your things and put them in storage for you.

    Personally......I think you need to chill the eff out, focus on what you need to be doing during your deployment, and don't waste head space on bs like she is living in that apartment. It's a freaking leased space - you don't own it and she is not high on the hog. I know, easier said than done and you are hurting and lashing out is easy.....but maybe resist the temptation, OK?

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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Straight up and all emotional stuff aside, you are on the lease and therefore responsible for the lease. That said, does the lease have an early out clause? Like you can pay ex amount, give notice and get out. Since you are both on the lease, that might be more complicated to get out of, but not necessarily impossible. Call the landlord, ask them to e-mail you copy of the lease agreement, read it and see. If nothing there, call again, explain the situation and see if they'll work with you to get you out of the lease. Tell your ex that she needs to start looking into either moving out or taking the lease on by herself because you are not waiting around to get out.

    As for the electric, time to cut off the gravy train. Tell her that she since you are no longer a couple and just "roommates" for all practical purposes and you aren't even there to use it, she needs to transfer the electric to her name and start paying her bills. You'll be canceling the electric on x date.

    Finally, you are in the military, so I know you can get free legal help for this sort of stuff from your base at home. Make a skype appointment and see what a lawyer can help you with in terms of getting out of the lease and how, what your practical responsibilities are, etc.

    If you really want your stuff out, call on some friends to come get your things and put them in storage for you.

    Personally......I think you need to chill the eff out, focus on what you need to be doing during your deployment, and don't waste head space on bs like she is living in that apartment. It's a freaking leased space - you don't own it and she is not high on the hog. I know, easier said than done and you are hurting and lashing out is easy.....but maybe resist the temptation, OK?
    Roger that, chilling the eff out. At least I'm lashing out on here and not texting her. Thanks for the suggestions.

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    Originally Posted by ninjasmt
    I thank you. I have not stopped the prepay yet.

    -Matter of fact another one of our 'pre-deployment check' off the ol list was to put me on her bank account. So yes I think I can do this.

    -I am contacting the manager at the apartment complex to see what I can do about the lease and exercise any rights if I have any.

    I am trying my best to remain amicable, fair and legal. I am angry yes but I am also responsible for my actions and I don't play myself to be a victim. The line is drawn between 'amicable' and being taken advantage if that makes any sense. I don't want to be taken advantage of.
    Hey...Its Mikey again....
    I know that there is a Sailor/Soldier/Airman/Marine act out there, where you don't have to pay certain bills if you are deployed and are in a situation..... Go see someone in your chain of command...Talk to them...Not sure which service you are in, but I known that senior enlisted folks can move mountains in a situation like this....It would be different if you were married, but this is a GF that has no empathy for you, nor the slight idea that u are under stress as it is...If this is effecting your performance and morale, your senior folks def can get involved.... I suggest you reach out to them for help....

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