How do you 'know' when he is the one?

Just wanting some advice and perspective on how to know when your relationship is heading down the forever path? Should you be 100%, alteast 80% sure all of the time?

To me, the concept of "The One" falls into the realm of fairies and unicorn farts. There are literally thousands of "The Ones" out there, not just one person in the entire universe. Also, nothing lasts forever. If you're hung up on 100% all the time, that's a pretty huge bar to maintain forever. That person whom you envision forever with is human, with great traits that you find enduring as well as flaws. If you're willing to accept his flaws past the infatuation stage, it feels right, there's trust and you're comfortable with everything around each other then give it a go and see where it heads. Time will tell.

You never know, people are constantly changing. All you can do is love as hard as you can and hope that your one at the time will reciprocate and grow with you so that it MIGHT last a lifetime.

I use to be idealistic believing in "the one" but in reality, no such thing. There are plenty of people out there you can have chemistry/compatible with, all it takes is one right person at the right time.

It takes a few years to see how a person will treat you in the long run, past the honeymoon stage. You have to give time for skeletons to emerge from the closet if there are any. You have to know your must-haves and you have to know your deal breakers. You cut off anyone who doesn't meet your needs. Know the difference between minor flaws and major ones. After all of this, you should feel pretty confident that you're risking your heart on someone who is worthy of you.

"The One".....is a concept developed by Hollywood to get people to watch their movies, after all, the "happily ever after" concept has no down-sides, so who wouldn't want it? It makes people feel all 'fuzzy' coming out of the cinema.....but when they start using this as a yardstick for real life, that's where the problems start.

The reality is completely different. All we can hope for in the real world is to find someone we are attracted to, compatible with and want to spend our time with. Someone who looks out for us, cares for us, enjoys our company and puts in the effort when times get tough.....someone who has your back, and you have theirs. They will show all these things mainly by their actions, not just their words.

Relationships are hugely complex. If you live to 200 you will not find someone who will just have traits that you find attractive....they will have opinions, insecurities, dress-sense, mannerisms, (the list is endless) that you will not find attractive....they are after all human. The key is to find someone, who despite having all these flaws (the same as we do ourselves) you wouldn't want them to change, because it is that unique combination that makes them who they are.

Relationships are a leap of faith...there are no guarantees. The only thing you can change is your mindset. Don't view a relationship as only being worthwhile only if it "lasts forever". I believe the very concept of people believing that relationships will last forever is actually detrimental to the relationship, because people stop putting in the effort.

Enjoy the ride.....never take the other person for granted, and never let them take you for granted.

These forums are full of people writing about relationships where they thought they had found "The One"......that should give you an idea about how valid that concept is.

I am 100% sure my husband is the one for me . We don't agree on everything , and we don't have to to know 100%. Being 100% sure about somebody and being 100% the same all the time are completely different things . We agree for the most part on the big things, the important things ,the glue that keeps people together . The little niggly crap we might not agree on and we don't have to. But even on days where I could cheerfully ring his neck I know 100% he is for me and we are forever .

You don't ever just KNOW that someone is "the one". You DECIDE that someone is the one.

When you've found someone who takes care of your heart, who makes you laugh, doesn't walk out on you when you're arguing, makes the hard times easier and the good times better...you make the decision that you're going to do everything you can to keep them.

There are several people that could potentially be a suitor for you. But you have to meet them at the right time in your life, and you have to choose to make them your "one".

Love is a verb. It's something you have to physically do. You make sacrifices because making them happy is more important to you. You clean the house on your day off because you know they'll appreciate it. You don't respond to that text from some guy because you want them to feel secure. You choose your relationship time and time again.

It's all a choice.

How do you 'know' when he is the one?

When there are no doubts that he's not the one.

According to Morpheus, you will know he is 'the one' when he doesn't have to even dodge bullets...

Seriously though, I think there are several great matches for all of us out there and we romanticize them into being 'the one' in our minds.

I know it sounds incredibly hokey and nuts but I KNEW the moment I met my husband we would marry. I didn't love or know him yet but I knew. Again I know it sounds crazy but a voice in my mind told me I would. ( no, I am not in the habit of hearing voices but I have at pivitol moments of my life where direction was urgently needed . ( as to a reason why I can't discuss the due to forum rules)

As I wrote on my previous thread to you it's individual and some people "just know" and that's not a requirement. For me, personally, it was when I felt excited and sure to marry my husband, when I stopped wondering if there was anyone else better out there -and that was even though I knew, hypertechnically, there "could be" -I mean I hadn't dated all the men in the world -but when friends would mention other men or men they were meeting on dating sites I wasn't curious the way I had been in the past or even slightly envious that I wasn't getting those opportunities -I was happy with who I had found, with my relationship even with its imperfections (including my imperfections and flaws and his!!). And, I felt comfortable and at home with him. I'd broken two engagements because they hadn't felt right and declined another two for the same reasons so this peaceful, easy -and excited! - feeling was kind of new to me.

On my wedding day, I felt completely natural -and it was the most magical day of my life all at the same time (and we had a tiny wedding -nothing fancy at all -it was all from the inside, not the outside). I'd never felt that way before. And I feel that I can go back to that day and feeling when I'm having a hard time of it and it's part of our history and foundation as to why we're together. As Carrie said on Sex and the City it's the memory of the "za za zoom" that's also important -even if at that moment you're not feeling it as sometimes can happen especially given life's stresses and unexciting routines - you can remind yourself of that and it helps a lot! But if you never had it it really can feel unsettling to be with that person.

I also think some doubts are normal (look at the other thread and I explained).

No such thing. People can choose to be with each other, or choose to pull apart. It all depends on the people involved and the curve balls that life throws at them.

Someone who you thought was the one, might not be the one after you get in a car accident, lose both your legs, half your face + get a speech impediment (not saying that there aren't couples that survive this sort of thing). The one might not be the one after you get clinically depressed, become bipolar, or have some other sort of psychological/psychiatric issue come up in your life. These are some extreme cases... sometimes all it takes is for someone to gain 20lbs, to lose their job, realize that your hobbies don't align, a pretty girl flirting with your dude at work....

Too many variables in life for "The One" to exist. Both people have to choose to be with each other daily regardless of the situations life throws at them, but you can never know for sure how other people, or even yourself will react to certain situations.