Open relationship request from soon to be wife

My partner who I am marrying in less than 6 months had a night out the other day and can't remember if she cheated on me or not. She told me something might of happened or might not have happened, we have a chat and she asks if I would consider and open relationship for a while.

I should mention we have an almost 3 year old daughter aswell. She says it won't affect her and won't jepordise anything to do with our daughter.

I'm not sure what to think of this, is this her way of wanting to break up with me? Does she want to get it out of her system before the wedding? I just don't know.

We've been together 4 and a half years and have enjoyed a varied, exciting sex life so far, it has slowed down in the last year/year and a half but we do it at least one week these days.

Basically I just want someone who can give me advice on whether an open relationship could be a good idea or could ruin us? I'm not sure what to do!

Don't do it. If you have to ask, you're not ok with it.

I would suggest going to counseling stat so you can figure out if the wedding needs to be post poned

Hm... Have you asked her, if this is only about sex, or does she miss something else in the relationship? Maybe she could answer your question the best. If she's unfulfilled in bed or scared of marriage, or if she thinks about breaking up with you. And what was really the deal with her drunken night. If she's going to be your wife, I guess you guys are able to discuss deep stuff like this?

If you feel ok with the idea of open relationship, and you feel like this could work for you too, you can always try that. But in this case, I think you shouldn't do it without getting to know what are your wife reasons for suggesting this and where she stands in this relationship.

OP here. I'm only asking because I'm not a confident person and always needs to ask about everything. We've tried counseling before and hasn't really helped.

What I wrote about the night out is what she told me. She says she still wants to marry me. It could work for me but coild not at the same time.

Please do not marry this woman. Marriage is about love and fidelity. She is changing the terms before walking down the aisle and its not what you signed up for. She is asking for a permission to cheat.

You can be a great dad and great coparent - seek an attorney for advice on how to get joint custody instead of being a weekend date. This woman has no intent to be faithful and its better to part ways now when your child is young and won't know any different way than to have a life of mom running around on dad.

At the very least POSTPONE the wedding. This is not something to enter in hastily. She knows you might be a pushover.

I may get slammed here, and to each their own, but I look at open relationships as a license to cheat. With that being said, I'd hold off on the wedding.

This is a hellofa thing to walk into a marriage with. Based on the circumstances of what may or may not have happened, it sounds like she already has someone else on her mind if she's approaching you with this question. I can't imagine just coming out and asking this question if this wasn't the case.

Either way, I'd put the breaks on the marriage as others have suggested. Once you open this Pandora's box and that line is crossed, it'll be hard to re-establish a line after the fact.

She's already got someone else in mind, I'd bet.

Respect yourself enough to say no, think long and hard about the marriage, and potentially walk away.

Oh, hale no.

She "can't remember" if she cheated (Yeah, sure) Now she wants to open your relationship. You know what this means? She has already got someone else in mind, and she more than likely already did cheat and doesn't know how to tell you.

Do not get married. Not now. If you have never once discussed her desires to open the relationship and it's only coming up now that she "might have" cheated, your relationship is in a lot of trouble. I would either insist on couples' counselling or very seriously consider ending the relationship.

And it's not true that it won't affect your child. Why? Because if Dad is not happy with this idea, and there is a significant crack in the relationship between her parents, it will most certainly be felt by her. Your fiancee is either being naive or willfully ignorant about that.

The truly open relationships I know (and there are very few) are ones in which both parties are comfortable and interested in the idea. This won't end well for you if you agree to it, OP. You already know you don't like this.

Say what? I can't remember if I cheated or not, but I want your approval to keep cheating or not cheating with the same guy I may or may not have cheated with. But I want to still marry you, because you are an unconfident dolt that I am sure will stick around and look after our kid while I cheat or not cheat to my hearts content.

If councelling did not work, then why continue with this woman? Take back some dignity, remove your junk from where it is firmly held in her grasp and leave her.

Nope. Just nope. First grab your boys just to confirm that they are still intact. Then tell her you're going to be co-parents but as far as her suggestion of an open relationship with her or ANY relationship with her from here on out for that matter goes she can get bent.

DO NOT GET MARRIED!!!

You think that getting legally-bound to this woman is a good idea? Are you mad?

And you want to marry this one?!

Come on man, for christ sake...

OP, how does knowing that other men have had their junk inside your wife before she walks through the door sound to you? Are you interested in having sex with other women too?

I just personally don't see the point to get married under these circumstances. If I were you I would seriously reconsider getting married.

OP here. I'm only asking because I'm not a confident person and always needs to ask about everything. We've tried counseling before and hasn't really helped.

 

What I wrote about the night out is what she told me. She says she still wants to marry me. It could work for me but coild not at the same time.

By agreeing to this request, you will have an "arrangement"...not a "marriage". If you can allow another man to have the same level of intimacy with your wife, that says something about your sense of trust and self-worth.

It also begs the question as to how you could go down the road of life (which will have trials and tribulations, demand involvement and commitment from her to help make choices that will either compound or resolve these situations) with someone who clearly is stating that she is willing to share every part of herself with someone else.

Personally, I would show her the door and sue her for sole custody of your child, but that's just me. I would not tolerate any woman that suggested this arrangement and would make me question who and what's she's doing when I don't have eyes on her.

Do not marry her.

You need to talk and find out if you are both happy with eachother.

To me it doesn't sound like you are.

All the best

Get yourself tested.

Lesson 1: Cheaters lie

Lesson 2: Cheaters lie with some truth sprinkled in

Lesson 3: Cheaters will continue to lie to your face until you stop allowing it

Lesson4: She had sex with some other guy and wants to continue having sex with him while you stay home baby sitting your child.

I am sorry but she cheated on you and probably has been for a while and the worst part she thinks so little of you that she had the balls to come home and ask for you to swallow your dignity and let he keep doing it with your blessings.

This relationship is over. Time to make a life for you and your child without her in it. If she makes more money than you then you may be entitled to child support.

Lost

So she comes home after a drunken night out, tells you that she can't remember if she cheated on you and btw....can we have an open relationship and I totally still want to marry you.

Let me translate this for you OP - some guy fck'ed her brains out, she plans on doing it again and again, she wants your blessing to cheat (btw, this is not how open relationships actually work), and of course she totally still wants to marry you because who wouldn't want a chump around to pay bills and babysit while you go get wasted and fck other guys......and...the worst part is she thinks you are such a pushover that she can actually tell you this bs and you aren't going to dump her. I sincerely hope that you prove her wrong, dump her azz, talk to a good lawyer and get full custody of your child. This woman doesn't sound fit to be a mother.