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Thread: Open relationship request from soon to be wife

  1. #1

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    Open relationship request from soon to be wife

    My partner who I am marrying in less than 6 months had a night out the other day and can't remember if she cheated on me or not. She told me something might of happened or might not have happened, we have a chat and she asks if I would consider and open relationship for a while.

    I should mention we have an almost 3 year old daughter aswell. She says it won't affect her and won't jepordise anything to do with our daughter.

    I'm not sure what to think of this, is this her way of wanting to break up with me? Does she want to get it out of her system before the wedding? I just don't know.

    We've been together 4 and a half years and have enjoyed a varied, exciting sex life so far, it has slowed down in the last year/year and a half but we do it at least one week these days.

    Basically I just want someone who can give me advice on whether an open relationship could be a good idea or could ruin us? I'm not sure what to do!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Open relationship request from soon to be wife

    Don't do it. If you have to ask, you're not ok with it.

    I would suggest going to counseling stat so you can figure out if the wedding needs to be post poned

  3. #3
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    Hm... Have you asked her, if this is only about sex, or does she miss something else in the relationship? Maybe she could answer your question the best. If she's unfulfilled in bed or scared of marriage, or if she thinks about breaking up with you. And what was really the deal with her drunken night. If she's going to be your wife, I guess you guys are able to discuss deep stuff like this?

    If you feel ok with the idea of open relationship, and you feel like this could work for you too, you can always try that. But in this case, I think you shouldn't do it without getting to know what are your wife reasons for suggesting this and where she stands in this relationship.

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    OP here. I'm only asking because I'm not a confident person and always needs to ask about everything. We've tried counseling before and hasn't really helped.

    What I wrote about the night out is what she told me. She says she still wants to marry me. It could work for me but coild not at the same time.

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  6. #5
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    Please do not marry this woman. Marriage is about love and fidelity. She is changing the terms before walking down the aisle and its not what you signed up for. She is asking for a permission to cheat.

    You can be a great dad and great coparent - seek an attorney for advice on how to get joint custody instead of being a weekend date. This woman has no intent to be faithful and its better to part ways now when your child is young and won't know any different way than to have a life of mom running around on dad.

    At the very least POSTPONE the wedding. This is not something to enter in hastily. She knows you might be a pushover.

  7. #6
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    I may get slammed here, and to each their own, but I look at open relationships as a license to cheat. With that being said, I'd hold off on the wedding.

  8. #7
    Gold Member Jeffbobo's Avatar
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    This is a hellofa thing to walk into a marriage with. Based on the circumstances of what may or may not have happened, it sounds like she already has someone else on her mind if she's approaching you with this question. I can't imagine just coming out and asking this question if this wasn't the case.

    Either way, I'd put the breaks on the marriage as others have suggested. Once you open this Pandora's box and that line is crossed, it'll be hard to re-establish a line after the fact.

  9. #8
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    She's already got someone else in mind, I'd bet.

    Respect yourself enough to say no, think long and hard about the marriage, and potentially walk away.

  10. #9
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    Oh, hale no.

    She "can't remember" if she cheated (Yeah, sure) Now she wants to open your relationship. You know what this means? She has already got someone else in mind, and she more than likely already did cheat and doesn't know how to tell you.

    Do not get married. Not now. If you have never once discussed her desires to open the relationship and it's only coming up now that she "might have" cheated, your relationship is in a lot of trouble. I would either insist on couples' counselling or very seriously consider ending the relationship.

    And it's not true that it won't affect your child. Why? Because if Dad is not happy with this idea, and there is a significant crack in the relationship between her parents, it will most certainly be felt by her. Your fiancee is either being naive or willfully ignorant about that.

    The truly open relationships I know (and there are very few) are ones in which both parties are comfortable and interested in the idea. This won't end well for you if you agree to it, OP. You already know you don't like this.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    Say what? I can't remember if I cheated or not, but I want your approval to keep cheating or not cheating with the same guy I may or may not have cheated with. But I want to still marry you, because you are an unconfident dolt that I am sure will stick around and look after our kid while I cheat or not cheat to my hearts content.

    If councelling did not work, then why continue with this woman? Take back some dignity, remove your junk from where it is firmly held in her grasp and leave her.

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