Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 19

Thread: Open relationship request from soon to be wife

  1. #1
    Confusedguy13

    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Location
    Chester
    Posts
    2
    Gender
    Male

    Open relationship request from soon to be wife

    My partner who I am marrying in less than 6 months had a night out the other day and can't remember if she cheated on me or not. She told me something might of happened or might not have happened, we have a chat and she asks if I would consider and open relationship for a while.

    I should mention we have an almost 3 year old daughter aswell. She says it won't affect her and won't jepordise anything to do with our daughter.

    I'm not sure what to think of this, is this her way of wanting to break up with me? Does she want to get it out of her system before the wedding? I just don't know.

    We've been together 4 and a half years and have enjoyed a varied, exciting sex life so far, it has slowed down in the last year/year and a half but we do it at least one week these days.

    Basically I just want someone who can give me advice on whether an open relationship could be a good idea or could ruin us? I'm not sure what to do!

  2. #2
    mustlovedogs
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    2,525
    Thanked
    2218

    Open relationship request from soon to be wife

    Don't do it. If you have to ask, you're not ok with it.

    I would suggest going to counseling stat so you can figure out if the wedding needs to be post poned

  3. #3
    firelily
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Posts
    71
    Thanked
    39
    Hm... Have you asked her, if this is only about sex, or does she miss something else in the relationship? Maybe she could answer your question the best. If she's unfulfilled in bed or scared of marriage, or if she thinks about breaking up with you. And what was really the deal with her drunken night. If she's going to be your wife, I guess you guys are able to discuss deep stuff like this?

    If you feel ok with the idea of open relationship, and you feel like this could work for you too, you can always try that. But in this case, I think you shouldn't do it without getting to know what are your wife reasons for suggesting this and where she stands in this relationship.

  4. #4
    Confusedguy13

    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Location
    Chester
    Posts
    2
    Gender
    Male
    OP here. I'm only asking because I'm not a confident person and always needs to ask about everything. We've tried counseling before and hasn't really helped.

    What I wrote about the night out is what she told me. She says she still wants to marry me. It could work for me but coild not at the same time.

  5. #5
    abitbroken
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    19,340
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    4083
    Please do not marry this woman. Marriage is about love and fidelity. She is changing the terms before walking down the aisle and its not what you signed up for. She is asking for a permission to cheat.

    You can be a great dad and great coparent - seek an attorney for advice on how to get joint custody instead of being a weekend date. This woman has no intent to be faithful and its better to part ways now when your child is young and won't know any different way than to have a life of mom running around on dad.

    At the very least POSTPONE the wedding. This is not something to enter in hastily. She knows you might be a pushover.

  6. Thanks Pleasedonot5, lostandhurt, LaHermes thanked for this post
  7. #6
    HeartGoesOn
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    15,831
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    4118
    I may get slammed here, and to each their own, but I look at open relationships as a license to cheat. With that being said, I'd hold off on the wedding.

  8. Thanks catfeeder, RainyCoast, lostandhurt, Hollyj thanked for this post
  9. #7
    Jeffbobo
    Gold Member Jeffbobo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Minneapolis
    Age
    48
    Posts
    692
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    423
    This is a hellofa thing to walk into a marriage with. Based on the circumstances of what may or may not have happened, it sounds like she already has someone else on her mind if she's approaching you with this question. I can't imagine just coming out and asking this question if this wasn't the case.

    Either way, I'd put the breaks on the marriage as others have suggested. Once you open this Pandora's box and that line is crossed, it'll be hard to re-establish a line after the fact.

  10. Thanks Pleasedonot5, RainyCoast, lostandhurt thanked for this post
  11. #8
    Pleasedonot5
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Michigan, USA
    Posts
    616
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    148
    She's already got someone else in mind, I'd bet.

    Respect yourself enough to say no, think long and hard about the marriage, and potentially walk away.

  12. Thanks lostandhurt thanked for this post
  13. #9
    MissCanuck
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    3,518
    Thanked
    2875
    Oh, hale no.

    She "can't remember" if she cheated (Yeah, sure) Now she wants to open your relationship. You know what this means? She has already got someone else in mind, and she more than likely already did cheat and doesn't know how to tell you.

    Do not get married. Not now. If you have never once discussed her desires to open the relationship and it's only coming up now that she "might have" cheated, your relationship is in a lot of trouble. I would either insist on couples' counselling or very seriously consider ending the relationship.

    And it's not true that it won't affect your child. Why? Because if Dad is not happy with this idea, and there is a significant crack in the relationship between her parents, it will most certainly be felt by her. Your fiancee is either being naive or willfully ignorant about that.

    The truly open relationships I know (and there are very few) are ones in which both parties are comfortable and interested in the idea. This won't end well for you if you agree to it, OP. You already know you don't like this.

  14. Thanks firelily, lostandhurt, LaHermes thanked for this post
  15. #10
    Keyman
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    London, UK
    Age
    45
    Posts
    2,552
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    560
    Say what? I can't remember if I cheated or not, but I want your approval to keep cheating or not cheating with the same guy I may or may not have cheated with. But I want to still marry you, because you are an unconfident dolt that I am sure will stick around and look after our kid while I cheat or not cheat to my hearts content.

    If councelling did not work, then why continue with this woman? Take back some dignity, remove your junk from where it is firmly held in her grasp and leave her.

  16.  

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Top Threads
I am pregnant and my boyfriend wont marry me
Hi all, Two weeks ago, we found out that I was pregnant, even though I had been using UID. So it was a total shock to us. I am Turkish descent and
Question about how I should handle the finances in my marriage
I recently married my bf of 5 years and we are expecting a baby early next year. Since then I've found out some rather disturbing things about his
Living Together For 4 Years, But I'm Exhausted/Frustrated.
I've been with my girlfriend for 9 years and we've been living together for 4 years. We're in our late 20s and our relationship started near the end
Age Gap Advice
I'm looking for advice/opinions on my current situation. This is going to be a longer post as I want everyone to get the bigger picture on the matter
I don't feel it anymore
I'm in a 5months long relationship with my girlfriend and over these 5 months we've managed to see eachother only once a week. AT the beginning I was
I feel guilty for wanting a little more attention?
I feel terrible as I know my bf is working very hard and I hate asking him for more attention. The situation hit a breaking point a couple weeks ago
Boyfriend is friends with ex who he cheated with in the past (not on me)
I don't know if I'm over reacting so I'd really like some feedback. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. He has an ex that he

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
My (ex?) girlfriend has anorexia and it probably destroyed our relationship - what to do?
Hello. I would like to tell my story. I am a 22 year-old male dating an 18 year-old female, though we have probably broken up today. This is
Question about how I should handle the finances in my marriage
I recently married my bf of 5 years and we are expecting a baby early next year. Since then I've found out some rather disturbing things about his
married now found out she cheated while we were dating Im so confused help
We have been married 2 years and dated a long time before we were married (16yrs) 5 years into our relationship my wife , then gf went on a cruise
Wanting To Be With Loved One In After-Life
Has anyone who has ever lost a loved one with whom they were extremely close and loved dearly ever thought about taking his/her own life so as to be
Does everyone have some positive qualities?
Since the day I had been dumped (got dumped in April and after all the failed efforts to reconcile, accepted his decision in mid July). I feel I am a
I it wrong to date my sister's ex boyfriend?
My sister was dating a guy for two month, and me and her bf start being friends until they broke up.....i have feelings for him and he also loves me
She left me because she thinks I'm dumb
I have been in relationship with this girl and moved to her country 3 months ago and lately things are going pretty bad and she is seeking for a
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •