My boyfriend seems to prioritize his friends over time with me?

I don't know if this is the right place to ask questions like this but I guess I'll try it. My boyfriend and I have been dating for well over a year now. We're freshly graduated from high school; me by a year him by a couple months. Here recently though I have become insecure.

For some background information, for our anniversary we didn't do anything but I'd bought him a gift. He promised he'd get me one, too, but never did. I wouldn't want him to waste money on me anyway, it's just the effort that it shows that matters to me.

On the Fourth of July, we were hanging out with friends. We'd decided that my boyfriend and I would go get some food and come back but one of his female friends were leaving so he said, "be right back" to me and caught up with her, leaving me to walk behind him for 15-20 minutes until he was almost too far ahead to see. When he finally came back, he said he didn't know I was behind him; which I don't know if I believe that or not.

We had also gone swimming that day, and I needed to change my clothes. On the way to his house we ran into her again, which he made me wait so he could hang out with her again.

Catching up to recently, I had planned to go on a date with him because we hadn't gone on a date in months (he usually insists I bring my sister when it could be considered a date, like going to restaurants for example). I had planned for us to go to a movie together.

I was going to pick him up an hour or two early so we wouldn't be late, and so we could see each other beforehand. I tried to get hold of him for about 30 minutes, texting and calling to see if he was ready and I got absolutely no answers. I eventually gave up. Later when he called back finally, I figured out he wasn't answering because he was with the same girl from before and another friend, who has left a long while before he finally called back. He said he didn't know I was texting or calling and that they weren't going through and he had called me back on her phone. He also said he'd made plans with her the night before to talk and visit because he hadn't seen her in so long, and that he never expected our plans to collide; he lost track of time.

He requested that I pick him up right before the movie, which I didn't have a choice as it was too late to do anything else. When I finally saw him in person, his airplane mode had been turned on, and we were late for our movie.

I rarely get days off at work, so planning days is really difficult as it is. It meant a lot to me, just like our anniversary and Fourth of July, etc. especially since we rarely go on dates; it usually ends up about visiting friends if we're alone together.

He's a really sweet guy other than this issue and he can be very supportive, but some questions I have are

-it okay that I have a hard time forgiving him for this happening?

-Am I in the wrong?

- Is he a bad boyfriend?

I mean, I'm not exactly afraid of him cheating, I just feel like I come second and friends are priority. Is that normal or am I just being dramatic?

It sounds like he isn't making as much of an effort as you for quality time together and this is a bit of a concern, but it could also just be a clash in your needs and expectations.

I would try to talk to him about this openly, instead of try to force or make him see you due to you trying to pick up him early etc. as that can not go to plan and then you'll end up even more frustrated, and he won't even know what he's done wrong.

To avoid a recipe for disaster via miscommunication, just tell you want to talk to him and explain that you feel he's not making as much of an effort in the relationship to prioritize dates and quality time and that you'd like him to step up a little. See how he reacts and if he has noticed this himself, and then take it from there.

It's OK to have needs, and it's perfectly okay to express them calmly and in a way that doesn't sound like an accusation.

The things he does sound sketchy.

Prioritising friends over you is one thing, but this is the bit in your post which really made me scratch my head:

I had planned to go on a date with him because we hadn't gone on a date in months (he usually insists I bring my sister when it could be considered a date, like going to restaurants for example).

Is he avoiding spending time alone with you? Most people would be really put out if their partner brought their sister on every date! The rest of his behaviour, as Doc Blaze says, sounds sketchy. It also sounds as though he's getting together with this other girl, but is too spineless to end the relationship with you.

Are you sure he's your boyfriend?

Are you sure he's your boyfriend?

Yes, I wondered this.

It sounds like he isn't making as much of an effort as you for quality time together and this is a bit of a concern, but it could also just be a clash in your needs and expectations.

 

I would try to talk to him about this openly, instead of try to force or make him see you due to you trying to pick up him early etc. as that can not go to plan and then you'll end up even more frustrated, and he won't even know what he's done wrong.

 

To avoid a recipe for disaster via miscommunication, just tell you want to talk to him and explain that you feel he's not making as much of an effort in the relationship to prioritize dates and quality time and that you'd like him to step up a little. See how he reacts and if he has noticed this himself, and then take it from there.

 

It's OK to have needs, and it's perfectly okay to express them calmly and in a way that doesn't sound like an accusation.

I did try to talk to him about it at one point, and we have talked about the girl in the past. He didn't seem to take it well and he actually got mad at me

Are you sure he's your boyfriend?

I think so, it's sad this isn't the first time I've been asked this

Prioritising friends over you is one thing, but this is the bit in your post which really made me scratch my head:

 

 

 

Is he avoiding spending time alone with you? Most people would be really put out if their partner brought their sister on every date! The rest of his behaviour, as Doc Blaze says, sounds sketchy. It also sounds as though he's getting together with this other girl, but is too spineless to end the relationship with you.

It seems like he's avoiding time alone with me, yes. But when I confront him about it he just gets defensive and says that's not the way it is at all

Well....cheaters are usually cowards and cowards are not capable of being honest with anyone, including themselves. It's basically on you to read the writing on the wall and move on. If you keep asking him for answers, you'll just waste a lot of your time and life and frustration on someone who is not worth it.

He is avoiding being alone with you and being a good bf to you, he is openly prioritizing another girl over you. This isn't just choosing friends over you, he is choosing a girl over you. He had her over and put his phone on airplane mode so you couldn't reach him. This wasn't an accident.

I think the unpleasant truth is staring you in the face and you need to face it, dump him with extreme prejudice and move on. Even if he isn't actually sleeping with her yet, he is trying and you don't need to wait around for the proverbial sh$t to hit the fan before you leave him. Leave him because he isn't being good enough to you.

I did try to talk to him about it at one point, and we have talked about the girl in the past. He didn't seem to take it well and he actually got mad at me

You have your answer. He knows that he can manipulate, intimidate, and thus control you. Find the "intestinal fortitude" to get rid of him, and don't look back.

Well....cheaters are usually cowards and cowards are not capable of being honest with anyone, including themselves. It's basically on you to read the writing on the wall and move on. If you keep asking him for answers, you'll just waste a lot of your time and life and frustration on someone who is not worth it.

 

He is avoiding being alone with you and being a good bf to you, he is openly prioritizing another girl over you. This isn't just choosing friends over you, he is choosing a girl over you. He had her over and put his phone on airplane mode so you couldn't reach him. This wasn't an accident.

 

I think the unpleasant truth is staring you in the face and you need to face it, dump him with extreme prejudice and move on. Even if he isn't actually sleeping with her yet, he is trying and you don't need to wait around for the proverbial sh$t to hit the fan before you leave him. Leave him because he isn't being good enough to you.

Thank you. You've really helped me with this comment. I do need to get him out of my life, because he reality of the situation is he's not treating me right. I need better than this for myself and I'd be better without him. I've had issues with guys in the past, and I know the warning signs. This is one of them. Thank you

Please dump this guy. He is not even treating you with the basic respect one would treat a friend or an acquaintance.

If i was with a friend or even a coworker and i saw someone else i knew, i would excuse myself and catch up with the other person i spotted and then bring that person i spotted back to the friend i was with and include them in the conversation or i would just wave to the other person because i was with someone else.

If a friend made plans to go to a movie with me, I would make myself available before the movie started so that we were not late. I would not blow them off and make other plans.

(he usually insists I bring my sister when it could be considered a date, like going to restaurants for example).

seriously?

Please dump this guy. He is not even treating you with the basic respect one would treat a friend or an acquaintance.

 

If i was with a friend or even a coworker and i saw someone else i knew, i would excuse myself and catch up with the other person i spotted and then bring that person i spotted back to the friend i was with and include them in the conversation or i would just wave to the other person because i was with someone else.

 

If a friend made plans to go to a movie with me, I would make myself available before the movie started so that we were not late. I would not blow them off and make other plans.

 

(he usually insists I bring my sister when it could be considered a date, like going to restaurants for example).

 

seriously?

Yeah, the more I think about it, the more I really agree that he's not a very good guy. Especially since he keeps avoiding the topic And explodes on me when I try to bring it up.