He chose her, at least I think so?

Hey everyone, I haven't posted for years but need to vent. I hope this is the right forum area.

Met a guy through OLD a month ago. Chatted by txt for a couple of weeks, followed by 2 (informal) dates, meals at his house. The chemistry was fantastic, really thought I was on to a winner this time. We txted eachother constantly. I'd always receive a "good morning", then txt tennis all day.

I stayed at his place last weekend, left on Sunday on great terms, him saying he'll visit me soon

Monday the txt tennis continues as normal.

Tuesday - dead air. Nothing. In the evening I txt asking if everything is ok? Message is read, no response. I can see he's online all evening.

Wednesday - still no reply. I txt to ask if he is ghosting me, really confused now, thought things were going great. Again my message is read, no response. In the evening I txt again saying this is the last time I'm going to message - I tell him that he has really upset me, I really felt like we clicked, please grow a pair and let me know what has happened.

Finally a response:

I thank him for his response and say that a family emergency is a totally acceptable reason for going quiet. I explain I have a FWB too, that I didn't expect us to be exclusive as we've only had 2 dates but hoped to be exclusive given time. I point out that if he truly wanted a serious relationship with his FWB, then why was he using OLD to look for other options - surely she would be all he wanted? I say if he wants to see me again it's going to cost him a dozen red roses and a good bottle of wine, and I wish him the best.

He apologises again, reiterates that he really does like me and that I'm a lovely person.

We haven't messaged since, and I can see that he's not online as often now.

What do you make of all of this? Is this a nice way of saying he's "just not that into me"? Because if that's the case, the dead grandparent excuse is pretty low. And surely if he was sleeping with a girl on a casual basis and wanted to be in a relationship with her, then he wouldn't be on OLD apps looking for other women?

His grandfather died and you told him he'll have to buy you a dozen roses and a bottle of wine to take you out again? I don't think he's going to get back to you and take you up on that amazing offer anytime soon, I'm afraid.

Give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he is telling the truth, because you have no way of knowing whether he is, and have to wonder why he'd make up such an elaborate lie. I think you gave him ultimatums way too soon. I wouldn't have pressed for an answer so early on, just wait and see if he gets back to you and remain positive for a few days, and if no response then move on.

You don't have to be so quick to make a judgement or take action. Let things play out as they will

Assuming everything he said is true, this is my interpretation... I am going to be bluntly honest, as someone who has just gone through seeing the truth after hoping it meant something more.

He was seeing someone, but they weren’t serious and he thought she doesn’t like him, when he was starting to have feelings for her so he decided to look for something more serious that would take his mind off her.

He met you, you had a lovely time. She found out, got jealous and told him she loves him, which he wanted all along. He wants to be with her.

It’s not that you’re not desirable, or that he’s not into you, but he has feelings for her and you haven’t seen each other long enough to develop feelings (and he was emotionally unavailable for you anyway). He feels bad for hurting you.

Sometimes life gets in the way. You can’t assume she’s better than you, sometimes our heart plays tricks on us and we fall in love with someone even if there are other “better” people interested in us.

I can’t post urls but look up “how to recover from a broken heart huffington post”. That article has really helped me.

Stay strong honey.

To me it sounds like he's probably trying to figure out if he's into his FWB, and doesn't want to keep you on the hook while he is. That's a plus. It means he's actually (somewhat) considering what the right thing to do is.

If he was going to use the grandparent excuse just to blow you off for a bit, he wouldn't have told you about the FWB.

I'd say let it go for now. If he comes back around at some point, re-evaluate then.

I've paraphrased a bit glitterfingers - I was sympathetic to his grandfather passing, of course - and said that as a totally understandable reason to go quiet for a bit.

I don't think I gave an ultimatum? Yes I agree that the txt silence wasn't very long, but relatively-speaking it was - we'd been messaging every few minutes for a month, so 24 hours was an unusually large amount of time.

I can't decide if this was a 'blow off' or, if he is being genuine (which I think he is) that he may get in contact again.

Normally after 2 dates I'd just let it go, but there was something special about this one.

Good point Liraele, why mention the FWB if the grandparent hadn't died... that makes me feel a little better

I may be a bit off base, but after a mere 2 dates, neither one of you owes each other anything, (imo).

Tellyx your post really resonates with me, reading it I realise that this is most like what's happened.

Back to square one again ... trying to stay strong. Really want to leave it a few months and message him to see if he's still single.

I can't decide if this was a 'blow off' or, if he is being genuine (which I think he is) that he may get in contact again.

I think it's probably both a blow-off and he is being genuine. My impression of his response was that he's going for the FWB. Judging from the 'complicated' nature of the situation, it sounds like he's prone to making a mess of things. Probably better off that you break free now. Sorry this happened.

I also get the impression he wants to explore things with this FWB.

And really, it's only been two dates. Telling him he needs to buy roses and wine if he wants to take you out again probably only guaranteed that there will be no third date.