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Closeted for a long time I am now painfully in love with a girl but I think she is straight


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Hi everyone!

 

It is honestly the first time I seek advice/help from an online board but I am really desperate. After many long years of not admitting to myself that yes, I'm into women, I have finally reached a point in my life (and have a healthy environment) that I have accepted who I am and I feel free to express it. And because life is hard and enjoys kicking you when you're about to fly off to better lands, I have fallen completely, painfully, I-can-feel-an-electrical-charge-when-you-touch-me in love with a woman who I am positively sure is straight.

 

I mean, there is this energy between us whenever we meet, but maybe it's just me. We do stuff together and there are many moments when there is subtle flirtiness going on between us, but I can't tell if it's just our women thing, or if she is actually feeling something more as well. I know she likes me, from the way she touches me and the way she speaks to me and the things she says. From the fact that she is very open with how she feels when it's just the two of us, but I can't tell if she is attracted to me or if she is just making a friend.

 

I would like to note here that because of my so far life-long frustration with my sexuality I don't have much experience in the field of approaching someone I like sexually and I have no idea how to deal with this. When I first realized I was falling in love with her I was in heaven, but now, I like and care for her so much but I can't say anything because I'm terrified she is straight and I don't know how she might react Any help?

 

Thank you for reading

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Congratulations on your success!

 

You're facing quite a tricky situation because you don't know if this girl is gay or not. If she finds out that you're in love with her, she might question your motives in the friendship. I think this is most especially a risk if she's straight, because she might not see it coming. She might wonder, "Were you ever really my friend or are you just trying to be my girlfriend?" I would probably react that way if one of my friends (male or female) dropped a sudden "I love you" bomb on me.

 

But I'm sure you are not the only person who has ever been in this situation. Are you college-age? Have you considered joining an LBGT group? I once went to an LBGT meeting as part of a class project. The LGBT group members took turns telling us about their "coming out" experiences. What an eye-opening experience. There are lots of people out there who have walked in your shoes, and a group like this could provide a lot of support. What I'm saying is, don't allow yourself to become isolated.

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Congratulations on your success!

 

You're facing quite a tricky situation because you don't know if this girl is gay or not. If she finds out that you're in love with her, she might question your motives in the friendship. I think this is most especially a risk if she's straight, because she might not see it coming. She might wonder, "Were you ever really my friend or are you just trying to be my girlfriend?" I would probably react that way if one of my friends (male or female) dropped a sudden "I love you" bomb on me.

 

But I'm sure you are not the only person who has ever been in this situation. Are you college-age? Have you considered joining an LBGT group? I once went to an LBGT meeting as part of a class project. The LGBT group members took turns telling us about their "coming out" experiences. What an eye-opening experience. There are lots of people out there who have walked in your shoes, and a group like this could provide a lot of support. What I'm saying is, don't allow yourself to become isolated.

 

Hi!

 

Thank you very much for replying!

 

It's even worst than that, we work together. I just finished college last June and I've gotten an internship at a company (unpaid, figures) and have taken a part time job as well. She is my colleague at the part-time jig.

 

The thing is, I was hoping that after I finish the internship in a couple of months I would be able to quit the part-time thing and then just explain things to her straight on. That way if she is uncomfortable about it, or doesn't feel the same way, at least she won't have to see me in her workplace and I won't make her life there awkward... At the same time, I am afraid of what you said, that she might just be making a friend and if I just show up one day and say "hey, I really like you, would you go on a date with me?" she might get the wrong idea, because yes I'm in love with her and I would be kind to her and be her friend no matter if she wanted to be my girlfriend or not. I would not change my behavior towards her if she rejected me.

 

I have thought about joining an LBGT group but I feel a little awkward about it, like I don't belong there yet? I'm sure I'm wrong about it and just need to find the guts to join one because you are perfectly right, it would provide support.

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