Not sexually compatible? Girlfriend refusing anything other than scissoring

Hi

This is my first post here although I've lurked a bit in the past, so a big hello from me & if I post anything that breaks the rules in any way please let me know & accept my apologies! I also want to say I've tried to make this as least explicit as possible so not to break the rules (if I have please let me know!) & so not to offend anyone.

So I've been seeing this girl for 3 months now, we officially became a couple 2 months ago after going on some dates etc. She's living where I live but is originally from Romania. I really like her, and could potentially fall in love with her - She already says she loves me very much.

Last night we had sex for the first time together and to say I'm confused is an understatement. So it was all going well, we were kissing etc, we got into bed, we were naked & everything was going smoothly until I went to touch her 'below the belt', she stopped me & just carried on kissing me without any explanation of why even after I asked so of course, I didn't push it. I figured maybe she wasn't ready for that at that moment and needed more kissing or whatever. Anyway, a little while later I thought it was a good time to go down on her, so off I go, & she stops me. I asked her if it wasn't okay to do that, and if that was the case it was fine with me. (Some people don't like to be touched etc & I understand that) She told me it was fine to do it, but that she doesn't like it because 'it's not a 'natural' thing' and it doesn't do anything for her, and the same goes for touching below the belt. I asked her if it made her uncomfortable & apologised if I had made her feel that way and she said it didn't, she said she just doesn't do it because it's 'not natural' and that she won't be doing any of those things to me either because it's 'not natural' & she doesn't 'see the point' & its 'gross'.

Anyway, I accept she didn't want me to do any of that for her and she was happy grinding herself on me to get off (sorry to be so blunt!). Now, personally, I don't scissor because I find it uncomfortable, it doesn't do anything for me and it's just so awkward to get into that position but for her, that's her sole way of having sex. She explained to me that that's all she does with girls (she says she's a lesbian but she's had quite a few relationships with men). Her past relationships with women they did it like that and that was fine with them. So because of that, she told me she wouldn't be touching me, she wouldn't be giving or receiving oral sex (because of above reasons) and she would just be grinding on me/scissoring. When she tells me this I'm a little shocked and slightly hurt because I started wondering if she thought I was gross or unattractive - I know everyone has sexual preferences, different needs but I struggle to why she would think anything other than genital to genital contact is unnatural. Perhaps it's because she's also been with men & sex for men & women is essentially genital to genital contact, along of course with other things.

So anyway, after accepting that was all that was going to happen we get on with it & she 'finishes' and then asks me if I did too, & I'm not one to lie about things like that because I feel like if you lie about whether you had a good time or not things get confusing & then the person will just keep doing what they're doing & you'll never be satisfied, so I said I didn't but that it's okay, it was our first time & that's sort of to be expected sometimes. She, however, doesn't get this, she kept saying to me over & over that she cannot understand why I didn't orgasm with what she was doing, that every other woman she's slept with (I think that's 2 or 3 people in her home country) they've got off on it & all has been well. She gets quite annoyed at this point, saying there must be something wrong with me. I'm obviously quite hurt by this comment, but try to explain to her that everyone is different & likes different things. She then refuses to accept this, and does a huge sigh & says 'well, do you really want me to go down there?' with a tone that makes it sound like a chore. I said no to this because I certainly don't want to make her or anyone do anything they don't want to do nor do I find it particularly attractive if someone acts like doing XYZ is a chore to them.

So the whole point of this post (sorry it's so long), is that I'm confused, a bit hurt & just don't know what to do. I don't want to sound like some selfish woman who just wants her needs met & that's all - I really like her and we get on well in other aspects of our relationship but I don't know what to do now because of the sex and some of the things she said.

I've had 4 relationships, all long-term, the longest being 8 years, so I don't have much sexual experience with different women because I've only slept with them, so for all I know I could be looking at this all wrong, and expecting things I shouldn't?

Thanks if you read all this!

You're not selfish at all and I implore you to seriously think about this before you carry on with this relationship ...why should you spend your life with a partner who thinks your lovemaking is unnatural !

It does sound like this relationship could quickly become unsatisfying for you, and perhaps isn't worth it unless she's willing to compromise. Rest assured, you are definitely not the selfish one in this situation. I'm straight, but I know that most women I've talked to don't LOVE giving blowjobs - we do it anyways because it makes our partner happy. Sex is meant to be pleasurable for both parties! Everyone has to compromise, and if they refuse, then bummer for THEM.

She pretty much laid out the rules. No compromising here it seems. That's a shame.

You get to decide whether you want to continue on her terms or find someone who is better suited for you.

Everyone has different tastes.

Personally I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who had so many sexual hang ups and then turns around and tells me there is something wrong with me. I don't want a partner that thinks my genitals is gross or that giving me oral is "unnatural" (and I have sexual partners who are less into oral sex). And it sounds like she isn't willing to try or explore without making it clear that she doesn't want to do what she is offering. I'm pretty attached to my partners actively wanting to get me off. Sexual connection is a fairly big deal (to me) when considering a committed relationship. I would consider this a deal breaker.

Thank you for the replies.

I'm relieved I'm not being selfish or anything like that.

I've been thinking about this all day & I think this is a dealbreaker, I cannot go on long-term just doing what she wants with nothing in return, it will only end up tearing us apart anyway.

I will speak to her once about it & she what she says just to be considerate but I doubt it'll get me anywhere.